This Missed Mark Will Bug The Heck Out Of You

Ever heard of Stanley Stinkbug? 

 Yeah, me neither. 

 Apparently he's a children's character who looks like this:

As far as anthropomorphic bugs go, I guess he's not TOO terrifying. I'd put him somewhere between Heimlich the caterpillar and Hopper the evil grasshopper: Not a bug you'd want to cuddle, exactly, but that probably wouldn't make you run screaming from the room, either. Plus the neckerchief is fun.

Anyhoo, of course - of course - bakers have been asked to make cake versions of Stanley, and of course some of those bakers have done so... poorly.

The good news is today's baker was only asked to do a flat illustration on a cupcake cake (patooie!), which is a running head start, right? No molding or sculpting, just a picture. Heck, they could even print one out!

So what do you think, did they make Stanley's eyes all wonky? Is his scarf the wrong color, is he missing some legs? Oh! I know! I bet... you just want me to just show you the cake, don't you.

 Fine.

 BEHOLD!

Actual footage of my reaction:

Also now this gif is blocking my view of the cake, so... BONUS.

Now, before I nope right out of here, I'd like to point out that the baker CLEARLY thought management wanted an actual stinkbug cake for the display case, but never thought to ask A) WHY DEAR LORD WHY, or B) why it was named Stanley. 

 I mean, c'mon, you get told to draw a random bug named Stanley, tell me you wouldn't add some glasses and a sweater vest. That's just common sense.

Also, is this the sort of bakery where random horrific requests are this common? Was the baker asked to make a "Tiffany Tapeworm" last week, so Mr. Stinkbug was par for the course?

::dares to scroll up briefly to see the cake again::

K, last question: Did the baker think putting the giant semi-realistic stinkbug on a bed of lettuce... was helping??

Aaaaand I'M OUT.

Thank you(?), Emily S. I do not approve.
*****

P.S. After my crack about cuddle-worthy bugs, naturally I had to go see if I could find some. And I gotta say, the ant? ADORABLE:

Plush Bugs
I draw the line at the giant rhinoceros beetle, though. ::shudder::

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Sarcasm "Awareness" Month

Over the years, I've noticed some of you don't "get" sarcasm. Which I totally understand! I mean, sarcasm is super hard. Really.

So. Let me help. Because I care. I really, really care.

Okay, let's say your company didn't meet a deadline, and they're going out of business.
You might buy your team a cake like this:

See? This says, "Way to drive the company into the ground with your total incompetence, you bunch of boobs I can't be bothered to list by name" without actually saying it!

Yay sarcasm!

Or maybe your sister is engaged, but they haven't set a date:

This says, "Common law still counts, right?"

Maybe your husband hasn't changed a diaper in 6 weeks because he's off playing Call of Duty. Again.

Passive aggression is soooo much better than attacking the Xbox with a weed wacker. Am I right?

Or maybe you just really, really don't like Kate.

"Huppy" Birhduy *Kate!

The black icing IS your gift, btw; you'll just get it delivered later, if you know what I mean. [eyebrow waggle]

Also "Good luck" figuring out what the asterisk is for.

Of course, when all else fails, there's still the direct approach:

They'll think you're kidding, but you'll know.

You'll know.

Thanks to Sara R., Erin C., Anony M., Laura E., Daniel A., Louise P., & Chris M. for these great cakes. No really. I mean it. You're all my heroes.

*****

P.S. I know a lot of you are working and/or schooling at home this year, so why not take full advantage while decorating your workspace?

Classic 4X4 Box Sign: "Sarcasm"
Bonus points if it's visible during Zoom meetings. :p

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: