Christmas Blues

I have a problem around this time of year. It's kind of embarrassing, but I'm hoping I'm not the only one. 

It goes like this:

I'll be out shopping somewhere with John, when suddenly:

I'll hear it.

And I'll think, "No, it can't be. They wouldn't play THAT song. Not here! It must be some other song."

Then a few more seconds will go by, and I'll realize:

It IS that song.

They're playing Christmas Shoes.

So I tell myself I'll just ignore it. I talk to John a little louder. I try humming It's A Small World. But it's no use:

I start listening, in spite of myself.

And ninety seconds later:

[sobbing] "Buy him the shoes! BUY THE LITTLE BOY THE SHOES FOR HIS DYING MOTHER! AaahhhaaaaHAAA!!"

 And my mascara's running everywhere...

And the cashier is like:

And all the other customers are like:

And I turn to John for support, but he's crying, too, so we're BOTH like:

And THAT is why I'm never going back to that Honey Baked Ham outlet.

Thanks to Hannah F., Kimberly S., Linda M., Anony M., Rachel S.,  Marissa C.,  Jodee R., Kizzie F., & David G. who might claim they don't cry at Christmas Shoes, but if so they're filthy, filthy liars.

And just in case you haven’t heard it yet this year, here it is. BUT DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.

Here's a fun, trauma-free Christmas story you can read with your kids:

Jolly Jingle Christmas Book With Push-Button Sounds

You play the sound effects on the side as you read through the story together. Awww.

I also found a cute finger puppet book for Hanukkah:

Happy Hanukkah, Little Dreidel! Finger Puppet Board Book

*****

And because Christmas is the perfect time for DIY gnomes:

Shoo, Horns!

Are you tired of buying a special dessert every Thanksgiving, only to have your friends and family snarf it all down before you get a piece?

Then this year, why not buy:

The Cornucrapia
Leftovers Guaranteed!™

That's right, your local bakers have twisted the traditional "Horn of Plenty" into something MUCH less appetizing! Just choose from any of these exciting designs!

The Black Hole

The Stinky Slinky

The Mud Slide

The Twirly Turd

The Purge

The Litter of Runts

And that relentless best seller:

The Miserable Vomitous Mass

(or Humperdink, for short.)

Find yours at a local wreckery today!

Thanks to Kelly G., Sarah, Joanna C., Roni F., Jesse, Maureen S., and Dan W. for horning in on our Thanksgiving parade.

*****

For those of you with kids around the house this Thanksgiving, here's a fun family read:

How To Catch A Turkey

The illustrations are fantastic and it's especially fun to real aloud:

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: