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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Nov202008

The Displays That Time Forgot

Some people would have you believe that bakeries should update their window display cakes at least once a year or so. To this I say "pish tosh"! Why, check out these stellar examples, still sellin' the goods 10, even 15 years after they were made!

Wow, I don't know about you guys, but I am just itching for some cake right now. Or maybe just itching. Is that blood? Sweet!

(And before you ask, yes, I DO feel rather silly for censoring plastic boobs. Happy?)

Ah, nothing captures the essence of celebration quite like crumbling moldy icing and decapitated clown heads, am I right or am I right? Those customers will be pouring in any second now, I'm sure.

Or how about this one, sure to entice all the would-be brides out there:

Just ignore that fly on the top tier; he's been stuck there for a few weeks now, so we're pretty sure he's dead. Oh, and the flowers?

We call that color "perfect patina". It was inspired by the rusting water pipes in our basement. The dust really completes the look, don't you think?

Here's another one for the happy couple on their Big Day:

Ok, so the bride and groom's eyes have melted down their faces, and his hand has made a break for it down his leg. (Heh - "made a break for it") Even so, I have no doubt that the overall design of the bride huffily facing away from the groom and with her bags packed down below is a top seller.

UPDATE: Some of you have asked if all of these came from the same bakery. Nope! This lovely assortment represents *three* separate bakeries, and I believe all of them were open for business at the time. Ain't it great?

Thanks to Wreckporters Extraordinaire Monique R. and Melissa J.!

« Turkeys | Main | Just in Time for the Holidays »

Reader Comments (163)

Those melted eyes, urgh! I close my own eyes and its all I can see argh!

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commentersearching_for_something

wait... i don't get it. is this shop CLOSED?

please, give me some context. this isn't just a cake wreck, this is just downright bizarre. and... unhealthy!

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

There is something truly wrong about those cakes (and those bakeries). I wanted to look away, but I just couldn't.

Shame on anyone who orders cakes from there based on those examples.

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh, ew, ew, EWWWWW. Just gross. They look like items from a haunted bakery shop. The clown one is the "best"!

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterChatRabbit

And that's some sad latticework going on on that wedding cake too.

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I have to thank you for your blog. I was sent here yesterday by Beth and you have quickly become one of my favorite blogs. Some of the cakes have me laughing so hard I'm crying. Don't we all need a good laugh!

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSteph

Oh, oh! How gross! That clown one is freaking me out.

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Ewww those are gross! I just puked a little!

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHorribleLicensePlates

That first cake is an actual scene from my house: me -looking fab, plastic & sexy - yet collecting dust and decaying while waiting for hubby to turn off the TV and pay a smidge of attention to me. The empty booze bottle is a sad, yet authentic touch.

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Courteous Chihuahua

Not to gross anyone out further, but that is not DUST...it is fly feces.

Don't ask me how I know.

Yep. Yum.

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJustfrosting

Hahaha!

You've made my morning yet again!

Which says alot since my workplace flooded (2 feet of swamp/river water - rats, centipedes, spiders, and ringworm) on Tuesday and smells like those cakes look.

Yup, you brought a smile to this face today!

Brianna McCarthy (Passion.Fruit)
http://briannamccarthy.carbonmade.com

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPassion Fruit

You know, at first glance some of those didn't look too bad. I was like "what's wrong with that?" Then I looked closely and was like "EWWW!"

indeed, places with windows need to change their displays from time to time.

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Yum... Makes me want to run right out and buy a cake!

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterErin T.

yummy! dead clowns and mold. my fav!

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterutaduta

Wow.

Cake wrecks so rarely makes me wish I hadn't eaten my breakfast.

I believe these surpass even the podiatrist's icky foot cake in sheer hurl factor.

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Lili Effect

Long time reader; first time poster.

Just one thing to say...ugh!

~Jeffrey

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Egad! Are the top two brown on purpose or from age? Either way it is too scary to think about, can we say ptomaine poisioning? Word verification - plied, as in "I would have to be plied with a LOT of alcohol to even think of eating these cakes!"

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commentercatmania

OMG... that's discusting! :P

I think I'll be holding off on breakfast for a bit. "gag"

Thanks for sharing ;)
Linda :)

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLinda Stranger

I think I threw up in my mouth a little. Those are so gross, and I am embarrassed for any bakery that would keep those in the window. BARF.

--Kate (redmcfred.blogspot.com)

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKate

Yeeesh. How about next time you start with the least disgusting cake instead of saving it for last? You could have at least eased us into the grossness... :)~

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

:hurls:

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMary B

Thank you for addressing this problem. I visited a bakery the paper mentioned as having great cookies, but was so turned off by the display cakes. Bleck.

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjoyce

OMG! Seeing that first cake is like going through a time warp. I remember when I was a kid I would go to the donut shop with my dad every Sunday morning to get donuts after church (mind you, I was born in 1979, so tells you how long this cake in particular has probably been there). They had a catalog of cakes you could order and I always wondered who would order a cake with a plastic naked chick draped in some sort of sheer little dress. I mean, it seemed like only guys would like it, but who orders a cake for a bachelor party? Anyway, thanks for the trip down memory lane!

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJudas_Iscariot_79

OK, I've read this whole blog and this is the first one that actually turned my stomach. Even worse than the foot and the pregnant headless woman in the tub. Shouldn't the health department be getting involved at this point?
Tracy O

PS Word verification - reopere - I don't think we can reopere these cakes - just trash them, NOW!

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTracy O

Re: the first wedding cake

What is that top tier sitting on? A cube of tofu?

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKara

Gack! Who would honestly leave a cake in the window that long? Seriously? The mold positively gives me the heebie jeebies...mostly because I'm the one that cleans out our fridge so I'm usually the one that finds the nasty leftovers of indeterminate origin.
These are beyond wrecks...these are health code violations.

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

Charming, I'm sure. All the mineral ore and compost in those frostings sure makes me want to get married all over again and march straight into those bakeries for a little consult... with the Health Inspector! But hey - even the FDA has allowable ppm's for insect parts in our foodstuffs, so what the hell.

Alixandra Hice
http://casahice.blogspot.com

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAlix

Haha, I really liked the first one. I love this blog, keep them coming.

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAtheist at 15

ok, that is just disgusting. bleurgh

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterkerry

If I had an appetite this morning, I would have just lost it.

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFreedomFirst

oh my god.
Thanks Jen; you've put me off cake for a long, long time here.

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commentersciencegirl

it would be better to just not put a cake on display at ALL if they can't update them every couple of months!

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Those cakes rock! They are just what I needed, I've been trying to loss a few pounds and now seeing them I have no desire to eat anything. . . ever again.

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

I'm suddenly very glad that I didn't look at this until after I finished breakfast!

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterVirginia

ZOMG, those are the funniest and grossest cakes I've ever seen. Someone was awfully proud of their work.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAll Adither

Is that mold beneath his feet or are his pants melting?

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLildonbro

Those clowns do nothing to rehabilitate the image of clowns in general. And the wedding cake with the fly, etc. is just wonderful! I mean it, wonderful...for the Corpse Bride maybe (haha, you thought I was serious for a minute!)

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah Godin

Oh hilarious! The clown cake is the scariest of them all. You are so right about decapitated clown heads.(Although, that's be best kind of clown head, isn't it?)

Thanks for the morning giggles.

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Wabbit

I'm not sure you've ever actually made me gag... like, really I'm-going-to-be-sick gag before, but the flowers on that first wedding cake just did it.

Urp.

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermary

Ok, those are disgusting...

I remember those scary little clowns though. I had them on a cake of mine when I was a kid (in the 70's)!

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Seeker

Miss Havisham's on her way round to reclaim that wedding cake methinks....

Carol

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think we've now made it very clear why many people are afraid of clowns!

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAn Apron Straitjacket

I was about to eat my breakfast. Now I think I might not.

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commenteryousuckatcraigslist

The wedding cake is the most disgusting wreck I've ever seen, even worse than the foot cake. The fly, the moldy flowers...bleargh! It makes me think of the crazy lady in Great Expectations who kept her wedding cake for years. And the first two brown cakes are almost as bad.

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN. Those are absolutely the most horrible things I've ever seen. Has anyone called the Health Department?? Seriously... that's just not right!

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterlizzied

Just when I was thinking about jumping off the diet wagon you put me firmly right back on it. I don't think I will look at cake quite the same way for a while.

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

They are clearly waiting to take the wedding cake with the flowers to Antiques Roadshow. The patina -- sorry -- makes the cake!

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbozoette

I remember those clowns-and-balloons decorations from when I worked in the bakery. I thought they were creepy then...

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMorgi

That last one is the Indiana Jones wedding cake. Don't look directly at the altar!!!

I wish I hadn't just sat down to eat my bagel when I started looking at these, but I couldn't stop scrolling down to look at them. Grosssss!

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterEeeeek!!!

Oh come on - can that be for real? It can't be...please...

(and I was going to comment about the censored plastic boobies before I scrolled down!)

November 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTerey

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