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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Saturday
Jul262008

Bringing a Whole New Meaning to "Foot in Mouth"


Yes, it's supposed to be a foot: a "Chinese Lotus (Bound) Foot" to be precise. (It's what the Chinese used to do to their women's feet, back when the thought of fallen arches struck terror in the hearts of mere mortals.)

Yes, it was for a podiatrist. Because when a doctor is forced to look at and/or handle other people's feet all day every day, I'm sure said doctor can think of nothing more appealing than eating a giant version of one of the most hideous foot deformities possible. ("Alright! Please, tell me you got Pistachio ice cream to go with!?!")

This is one instance where I actually pity the baker responsible; to make this, she had to reference an actual photo. (All together now! Ewwwwww.) Click here to see her Flickr account, which has a link to the photo.

B.F., I think the toenails have got to be the worst part.

« There's Something to be Said for Consistency... | Main | Freud Would Have a Field Day »

Reader Comments (63)

I was going to say that, as horrible as this is, someone actually ordered it, so you can't blame the baker. But then I read the comment on Flickr. She picked this all by herself. Ewwwww.

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJulia

There's no way I would have been able to eat that thing. It could have been a chocolate fountain underneath all that fondant and I still couldn't have done it... and the toenails... ewwww.

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSunshine

Oh...my...goodness, you are so funny. At least this "foot" isn't stinky.

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered Commentertay

she should have stuck with the "candy corns."

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterChaucer's Bitch

{Oh my God -- That is so nasty -- It looks like the toenails would crunch when bit into -- Makes my stomach turn just to think about someone putting that in there mouth -- It would take more than ice-cream for me to even think about eating that.Just hope it don't smell like it looks}

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnissa

What the...

I mean really, who would eat that?

Who?

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSunny Lea

I found your blog earlier this week. And I have never laughed so hard. I was a grocery store Deli/Bakery supervisor for a few years, so the store cakes really crack me up.

And this cake is just plain nasty. And I have to agree the toenails...nasty.

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCC

I need bleach for my eyes! very creative, but don't know if I could eat it!

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMafiosos!

Maybe she figured she'd never have another chance to make a cake shaped like a deformed foot. Maybe she thought, "This is my debut as an artist!" Well, she's famous now!

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCraftyJennee

I don't even think foot fetishists would like this cake. At least I don't.

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHerb of DC

That is gross.

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterseven

As if being expected to eat a cake that looks like a foot and has disgusting toenails isn't sufficiently grotesque, making light of a hideous absue of human rights is simply unconscionable. I doubt the countless victims of this mutilation would be amused.

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAndrew

Great. A cake with hammer toes.

Fantastic.

Maybe it's a molten cake, so when you slice it, it oozes....toejam.

But as bad as that is, can you imagine what kind of disturbed mess that would be served up for a proctologist (a bundt cake, surely)?

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSeoul Brother

This is so funny, as soon as I read the post title and saw the picture I said out loud: Eeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww. Way ahead of your instruction to do so ;)

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAlice

I think I just threw up a little.

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Bleh! I almost think the thorax cake would be better than that! Have you seen the thorax cake, Jen??? I can send you the link. ;-) tee, hee! (running for cover)

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTheCourteousChihuahua

Jeeze... what do you even say about this thing? I suppose if Food Network had a Gross Cake Challenge it would have a fighting chance.

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered Commenternataliecakes

Oh, wow! That is one awesomely bad cake! Now we know why Chinese women wore those little tiny shoes. Who would want to see such a foot? Let alone eat it!

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered Commentersvearose

Gawdawful!!!!!!!!!!!

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO

That is NASTY!

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

What did they have in the middle.... jam? (haha)

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Love your site. Got a good laugh. BUT.....don't feel much like cake right now.
Blessings from Costa Rica

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKathie

@thecourteouschihuahua,
[chucking wadded-up paper ball in your direction] Keep runnin', smarty pants.

;)

July 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJen

That is the worst possible thing I have ever seen done to a cake. There should be a law against that. Cakes have rights too! Bring on the SPC! Society for the Protection of Cakes.

July 27, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermonica

OMG feet on their own scare me... but this... I threw up in my mouth a bit.

HOLY COW that's one ugly cake/

July 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterClaudia

*runs away screaming*

Wow. Just...wow.

July 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJenifer

You guys have to admit, the baker did a great job, it's so realistic!

July 27, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterana

I have just read your blog from beginning to end and now have to go and get a tissue to wipe my eyes. I have not laughed that much in ages. Keep up the good work!

July 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThings Hand Made

Oh. Oh. Oh. That is.. That is not right. I really wish I hadn't just eaten lunch because it is threatening to come back up after seeing that cake.

July 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDanielle

Oh my. Just looking at that makes me feel nauseous, I can't imagine what I would do if I saw it in person and tried to take a bite!!!

July 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKira

eww...I wonder what the toenails are made out of.

July 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMercy's Maid

A+ for "Realism in Cake Art",

A+ for putting in the effort to research the career of the person being honored,

Possible F from the person ordering the cake assuming that they really wanted to eat it!

I don't know whether to applaud, laugh or gag.

July 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTracy Sherwood

Disgusting. Did anyone check her other photos on flickr? They include another not very appetizing cake and a gingerbread crack house.

July 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I recognised what it was before reading the commentary (I'm no podiatrist, but I've seen pictures of it before). Is it bad that I actually like the idea?
(yes. I know you're going to say yes. And that the way I feel about it isn't going to be popular).
As for making light of a shameful human rights abuse... I suppose that if one can't make light of anything painful or bad, there's not much room left to humour. Death is not funny, neither are madness, disease or someone getting hurt in one way or another, but I know few jokes that don't involve any of the above.

Anyway, thank you for your fabulous blog, I enjoy it tremendously.
Now hand me a slice of this cake.

July 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPersephone

Featured on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:
http://tinyurl.com/5ovhgd

July 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJenny, the Bloggess

Those toes totally have fungus!! I'm sure the podiatrist knew that though...

July 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

You might as well shut this blog down right now because you will NEVER find a cake that looks worse than that. What the...?

liz

July 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I was going to eat dinner then I opened up this and am totally never going to eat again.

I want to look at that Flickr site, but am too scared.

Those toenails look real. Did she get them out of an old man's trash can or something?

July 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. Tantrum

I am so glad I found your blog...I haven't laughed so hard in a while! my abs are finally getting the workout they need! Imagine having to eat the slice with toes: toenails and toe-jam in one mouthful! :p

July 27, 2008 | Unregistered Commentercakebrain

did you see her gingerbread crack house?

http://flickr.com/photos/52702311@N00/2142334528/

July 28, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

i just threw up a bit in my mouth, and it probably tasted better than this cake.

July 28, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterwindo

I agree that humor is a great tool to fight injustice and tragedy. I somehow doubt that this was the intent of this cake, however. Of course, the intent of this cake, or rather the person commissioning it, is quite beyond comprehension, so I could be wrong :-)

July 28, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAndrew

This is possibly the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. I can't tear my eyes away from this trainwreck.

July 28, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAlicia

Thank you for the lovely accolades! This piece was actually commissioned by the podiatrist's receptionist (who had seen my portfolio). Apparently he loved it. ;)

Offensive cakes are my specialty, and creating them is very therapeutic. I can assure you I use quality ingredients and mostly scratch recipes (unless it's a last-minute order, then organic box mix). For instance, the fondant on this foot is actually a buttercream base, so it doesn't have that disgusting gummy fondant taste.

My current site is down right now due to laziness in upgrading the gallery script, but at least I have now been inspired to create an Offensive Cakes folder in my Flickr account for your pleasure. Among my favorites are "melons with electrical tape pasties," "mangina," and "gingerbread d*ck in a box."

Enjoy!

July 28, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermintnasty

Oooooh! Can I have a slice with toenail on it? Please!?

July 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterChris

They did a foot cake for a podiatrist on "Ace of Cakes," but it was a normal foot. Still gross, though.

July 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAly K

It's like "Altered States" starring Rhoda Morgenstern.

July 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Actually, Chinese women didn't bind their feet because of fallen arches, they were made to bind their feet as little girls to keep them small and dainty. As the women grew older, it wasn't uncommon for them to loose their smaller toes due to rot and fungus and weak bone growth. Bless them- it's the stuff of nightmares.

July 31, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRATSAWGOD

On second thought, if it was cream cheese icing....that makes everything better

August 1, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterangeljoy

Eeeewwww. tell me how many people were actually able to eat this without gagging?

August 1, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterangeljoy

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