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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Sep082008

I Think I've Just Been Punk'd

If you guys thought the first wedding disaster cake was bad, hold on to your pantaloons.

Alright, let's set the scene: here's what the bride asked for, only in all white with minor green accents.

Now, I would tell you to take a moment to prepare yourselves for the horror you're about to witness, but frankly no amount of time would be adequate. So just go ahead and scroll down now.


I'll give you a moment.

[whistling]

Back in your seat now? Good. Because believe it or not, there's more. Aw yeah.

1) The top tier still had the Springform pan under it.

2) The cake "base" is a metal sign.

3) I swear I am not making this up.

Ok, so the bottom levels are covered with a fondant lumpier than the Bearded Lady's thighs, and the top tier is the wrong shape and isn't even iced completely. I see all that, and yet you know what the funniest bit to me is? Those green lines up the sides, which I can only assume are attempts at "ribbons": not only are they as unlike ribbons as icing can possibly get, but they don't even line up! Somehow that last bit of lunacy just sends me over the edge.

(This post is also the first in a new category: Missed Marks. Because nothing is quite so wrecktastic as when you see what it was supposed to look like.)

Now like you, I'm sure, I was highly skeptical about this being a "professional" cake. However, the e-mail came from the bride herself, and she seemed outraged enough to be telling the truth. (Yes, a replacement cake was procured at the eleventh hour.) I can only assume the icing and generic tips in the photo were purchased to try and "fix" the cake after it was picked up. In fact, Vicky C., if you're reading this, you might want to chime in on the Comments section now, just to back me up here.

[crickets chirping]

Vicky? Er, Vicky, c'mon now, this isn't funny.

[crickets still chirping]

Seriously, Vicky: tell the people I'm telling the truth. Vicky? Er...Vicky?

Vicky?!?

UPDATE: YES!! Vicky the bride has spoken!!! Check the Comments section for her assurances of this cake's validity. (You'll have to scroll waaaay down; you guys are certainly letting your voices be heard on this one, aren't you?)

« The Painted Cake Cometh | Main | Fan Wrecks »

Reader Comments (275)

Do you even have room for one more comment? Here it goes!

Oh no you didnt don't quite cover it hon.

The next sound the baker should hear is, "Dead man walking!"

Clueuin

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterclueuin

i call shenanigans, but i still love you cake wrecks!

I really dig the sitcom situation put forth by George R. Let's go with that!

Plus, the fact that you called that you might be being punk'd totally saved face- I did check the comments to see if Vicki the bride was going to show up.. ha ha ha!

cake wrecks forever!!

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter*daisy

Oh the humanity!

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterphillygirl64

I have ZERO artistic skills and am often embarrassed to bring cake or cupcakes anywhere. After this, I feel much better about anything I've ever made.
(I mean, just for fun as a treat. Never as the centerpiece of a celebration. No. Even my worst decorating job never looked quite this bad!)

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterheather

Yes, I believe you were Punked - anything for that 15 seconds of fame *LOL* IMO, too much evidence there shows a home-made cake (intentional wreck attempt). I'd guess the mini-mallows were for the (marshmallow?) fondant. A shame it was made to look so lumpy cuz marshmallow fondant is actually Very easy to make, Awesome to work with and tastes Great...

You have a Fabulous site - Thanks So Much for the Laughter ;-)

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterdenise

I would have force fed the "baker" every single last crumb of that cake. I am by NO means a good baker, but I have made cakes that look better than that. And I'm sure being a wedding cake, the "baker" probably charged a pretty penny for it.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Even the most incompetent baker would know to take the cake out of the pan!!! My suspicion is that this was done by a woman with no training, working our of her home, passing herself off as a pro.

I hope the bride sued the balls off her.

I am SO glad I'm making my own wedding cake.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterChaucer's Bitch

Holy.....what the %$#@ is THAT? Did a two-year old make that cake????

~Kia

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKia

Oh. My. Dear. Lord.

That's possibly the most hideous wedding cake I have ever seen.

Also question - what are the marshmallows for?

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke

Sheesh, I can do a better job with one pan, a Betty Crocker cookbook from the 60's, a wooden spoon, and a roll of waxed paper!

Probably helps that 1) I'll at least try, and 2) I'm not colorblind!

Wow. Yeah, I would have done serious bodily harm to that "cake designer" as well.

Anna, I agree. Drugs MUST have been involved!

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBrandy

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
HAHAHA
HAHA
HA

Oh god that is truly truly awful.

I heart this blog.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterladulcinea

I think this cake is actually not a "real" wreck. It looks to me as if the picture was taken by the person making the cake in their own kitchen. This may be the cake the bride got for her wedding...but I doubt it was done by a "professional" baker. It quite possibly came from Aunt Margaret who said "don't order a cake from a bakery. I've been taking a cake decorating class..." The marshmallows were quite possibly used to make the fondant (8 cups marshmallows and 1/2 cup of water melted in a microwave and mixed with powdered sugar...very effective recipe). I would say Aunt Margaret bought the pre-made icing in a tube with the interchangeable tips (which would explain the bright green color). Although it does not take away from the shock of how terrible the cake is, especially when compared to how it was supposed to look. I'm just so glad none of my cakes have ended up on here!!

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJosh

Sigh.... For the price of a "professionally decorated cake", my hubby and I had a GORGEOUS wedding at Paris Las Vegas. And they included a cake from their kitchen at our reception. You know, from the bakers who are on Food Network Challenge?

(Father in Law lives in Vegas, so we go there a lot, it wasn't like a sudden decision. I carefully chose the site that suited us, and our wedding was wonderful!)

And we'll always have Paris..sigh!

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBrandy

It looks like 2 pairs of tighty-whity underwear with green trim, stuffed and stacked on top of each other.

What? The? FFFFFFFFFF?

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterYpsi

I was trying to give the benefit of the doubt b/c I've seen some cases where "family" has decided to do something for an event and it's crap. But I see the marshmallows AND a tube of green frosting in a Ziploc bag so I'm pretty sure this photo was taken in the maker's kitchen.

If so, how would the "bride" have gotten the photo? "This horrible cake you made that I'm trying to replace... can I get a copy of the picture you took of it?"

Why wouldn't the bride have provided her own photo of this disaster? When my husband picked up my daughter's 2nd birthday cake w/o checking it and I opened it up to find it blank (no "happy birthday" message but the Lilo & Stitch beach scene was airbrushed on), I still took a picture of it myself.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterEden

I've never commented before. I personally still think the plaid wedding cake was worse, but I look at this one and think.... I'm actually speechless.

Seriously?!?

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

I was never scared about my wedding cake, until I saw this. Luckily, I based my cake on a variation of one my baker already made himself... but still!

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBianca

Wow. I think that the baker had been out partying at the groom's bachelor party the night before, and slept until just a few hours before the bride's parents were to pick up the cake. At that point, he realized he really shouldn't have promised this cake, but still threw a few cake mixes together, put them in the oven, and ran to the store to buy the frosting and a platter. The store was out of platters, but there was a decent looking sign outside in the garbage, so he took that instead.

When he got home, he didn't have time to let the cakes cool before frosting them, thus the melting frosting. He didn't even have time to do all of the frosting himself, so he gave the round layer to his kid, which explains why the top layer is still in the pan and why it looks like something I would have done when I was 7.

In the last 10 minutes before the cake was picked up, the baker added the green edging, and let his child add the ribbons. By the time the brides parents arrived, he had his proud creation, indistinguishable from the tiffany's version. Right?

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

I have to speak in defense of marshmallow fondant. I used to be a pastry chef and I have made traditional fondant and nobody likes the stuff. MMF is easy to use and quite tasty. I did my wedding cakes in MMF in June and my guests enjoyed them very much.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love your blog. Had to show colleague at work this blog - she's a very competent cake baker and icer and she was astounded at your past few posts.

Keep up the good work!

Love,
Sair x

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSair

This wasn't even funny, this was just sad. I feel sad, now.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMorgan

Oh my word. That is just so sad. So hilariously sad.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

Yes, the second cake is horrible - 'real' wreck or not.

My problem with the story is the first cake - why would you source a cake of Tiffany boxes, in Tiffany blue, with Tiffany accessories beside it and then ask for it in green instead? If it's in green it's just going to look like a stack of squares with a ribbon on top. What makes Tiffany, Tiffany is the blue ...

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

I'm joining the group of people that think you were punk'd. The bag full of icing on the table with the cheapo decorator tips? That's what I used to use to draw on my kids' cakes until I got a real piping bag. Unless they were trying to fix it (which I doubt)...and the road sign is just a bit too much.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

You HAVE been punked. The "fixed" layer on top is iced in both the light green, and the dark green that the supposed decorator used. Unless they got that very icing from the decorator......not likely!
The main ingredient for the fondant used on the cake is right there beside it...the marshmallows for MMF.
Everything points to a really big PUNK'D submission.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I would bet my money the mini marshmallows were to make the fondant. You can make a ghetto kind of fondant using marshmallows-- recipes are all over the web.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commenteraloria

I love the professional kitchen, my Nana has those cabinets in her 1970's kitchen!

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJoy

the site has become a victim of its own popularity

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterdownunder sugarglider

I'm having a serious accident sandy

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commenteri beati

I love your blog. Some of your earliest posts are the best!

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Seeker

That is so, so horrifying... I can't believe it. If that was my cake... ugh, I don't even want to think about it.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterVictoria

In response to the very first comment about marshmallow based fondant being "ghetto", I don't know where aloria is getting that. I've made half a dozen batches of fondant from marshmallows and it's smooth, tasty, and pleasing to work with.

As for this actual post, I'd advise the bride to sue for treble damages and take the baker on the People's Court. Judge Milian always rules in favor of the ruined wedding day.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMary

THIS is why I eloped.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKat

Oh my gosh that is one of the worst thing I have ever seen. I swear my jaw hit my computer keyboard. That is so awful. OMG that is so very bad. Someone really could not judge their own abilities obviously..... WOW thats bad.

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmy Ellen

These are hilarious!
But any idea why, when I typed in the URL of your blog in Facebook and tried to send it in a message my friends, I couldn't do so? A box came up saying "some of the content in this message has been reported as abusive by Facebook users". What?!

September 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMona

I'm sorry Jen, I heart your blog a whole bunch, but I think you really missed the mark on this post. This is so obviously amateur work. Vicky should definitely remember to move the marshmallows and grocery-store icing tips before taking the photo next time.

On the other hand, I think those "Tiffany Box" wedding cakes are beyond tacky, so the first photo totally counts in my book as a wreck! ;)

September 9, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJulia

it still looks tasty to me.

- T

www.MostEmailedNews.com

September 9, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMostEmailedNews.com

It would be great for people to read all the comments and see the explanations before they spouted off the "truth" :P


The poor bride. I've had a lot of cakes made by an at-home-pro, one of those little old ladies that's like your 6th cousin 5 times removed, that's baked her whole life. She does great work. Apparently this Aunt tried to pass herself off like one of those bakers...and failed.

September 9, 2008 | Unregistered Commentergothicbeauty21

this is definately fake, the fixings are all there, and the kitchen is unsanitary looking. Not a professional job

September 9, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The funniest thing about this post is that most people don't bother to read the comments before posting their own.

Marshmallows for MMF, cheapo frosting tips, ziploc bag...ALL COVERED, THANKS!

September 9, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

fake or not, i refuse to believe anyone paid for this. if it was indeed a wedding, who cares if the decorator was professional or not? it's sad! however i will continue to visit cakewrecks and hope to find funny wrecks again in the future :-)

@ anonymous, September 8, 2008 1:53 PM: your post made me really angry. there's no need to get racist or classist about it. just not funny.

September 9, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This is a fake- FOR SURE!
There is no way on earth that anyone would accept this cake- Parents of the Bride or Not!
in my experience- the parents are more picky than the clients themselves.
Any baker- or decorator with half an ounce of self respect would never present this cake to a client!
A definite punking by my standards!
Love the site though! It makes me roll around laughing with your fabulous commentary!

September 9, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSarah-Jane

i think you've been punk'd because anyone prissy enough to want the tiffany's box knock off cake would also be uptight enough to freak out if it wasn't just so at every stage along the way. the pathology of the bride (as concluded through the cake type) and willingness to give up control (as evidenced in the cake wreck) just don't add up.

September 9, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMarcy

I don't know if you've been punk'd or not, but what I wouldn't give for people to even skim the comments before they post! I got curious and started looking to see if anything definitive had shown up one way or another and after the fifth repetition of any given set of "proof" about it being a fake, you start to want to argue the other way just for variety.

-Lee

September 9, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Heather said...

"My problem with the story is the first cake - why would you source a cake of Tiffany boxes, in Tiffany blue, with Tiffany accessories beside it and then ask for it in green instead? If it's in green it's just going to look like a stack of squares with a ribbon on top. What makes Tiffany, Tiffany is the blue ..."

I would think that they probably weren't aware of the significance of the blue, and just thought the stacked gift boxes looked neat, but wanted it in their wedding colors. I know that before I read your comment, I wouldn't have thought twice about ordering a cake that looks like that, but in different colors. One person's Tiffany box is another person's plain old box.

September 9, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbionelly

I'm calling BS on this. There's bad and there is intentional. This was intentional. The other wedding cake, the one with the plaid design...also fake.

September 9, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBill

Oh god. That is...I mean what the hell...just...GAH!! This horrific disaster of a cake has broken my brain! What psychosomatic drug was the decorator ODing on when they looked at this thing and thought: "Yep. That looks totally like an edible cake and not something the bride would maul me over." Poor Vicky, at least she was able to get a replacement before she had to display that thing at the reception. Yeesh!

September 9, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

ROTFLMAO !!!!!!! :D

September 9, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAstrid

See, I half believe you were punk'd.

But then logic sets in. What intelligent person would leave the evidence in the picture? If I were trying to fake a cake, I'd make it look like I had just got it. Scoot the marshmallows, the icing bag and tips, etc away and just have it sitting there on the counter. Much more believable, neh?

Or maybe the person who submitted it isn't very bright. Who knows?

September 9, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterunpenseur

it looks god awful. and why is the top one green and the bottom ones white? was the decorator blind? did they decorate the thing in the dark? shit almighty it looks atrocious. and atrocios isn't even a strong enough word.

September 9, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMad Izatie

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