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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Saturday
Oct312009

Hail, Hailoween!

So my question is this: how heavy does your southern accent have to be that you not only pronounce it "Hailoween", but you also think it's spelled that way?

Go on, say it out loud. It's fun. You know you want to.

Hah! See? Told you it was fun.

And speaking of Wrecked inscriptions...

I'm kind of getting a mixed message here.

And speaking of things that are mixed up...

I think somebody needs an anatomy lesson.

And speaking of anatomy:

These are NOT what you think they are.

Unless you think they're simply flesh-colored versions of a "pumpkin" and a "haystack," that is. Then they are what you think they are. Allegedly.

Kind of like how this is allegedly a pumpkin:

...and NOT a turd exploding on the sun.

Chickpea, Katie H., Sarah C., Bill P., & Rebekah F., that stem really wipes out the competition, doesn't it?

- Related Wreckage: Why You Don't Raid Other People's Refrigerators

« Sunday Sweets: Twilight | Main | Step One: Cut a Hole in the Pumpkin »

Reader Comments (102)

AHHHHHHHHHH!!! I was really hoping my skeleton cake pic would make it on... I'm glad everyone enjoyed it - I'd been giggling at it for a few days before I took the photo. Happy H'ween!

October 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSarah Carrico

1) Hailoween makes me think of that South Park episode with the woodland creatures singing, "Have a Merry Woodland Christmas...Hail Satan!"

2) Now now, someone could have a birthday on Hailoween and want a dual-purpose cake.

Oh crap, I shouldn't say it that way or these freaky bakers you keep finding will put two dolphins on it...

3) Now now again, maybe the bones were found that way in the remains of some torture chamber that was buried mid-torture by the ash and lava from a volcano. And...um...the other bones were...um...

Meh, I got nothing.

October 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

Not really on topic for the post...

But I think Frank Warren AKA Mr. Postsecret may read Cakewrecks:

http://twitpic.com/myc6z

October 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHarriet

Ok... I actually was saying "Hailoween" out loud before you told me too. And sitting here, alone, laughing at the pronunciation.

Seriously... the things we do for you!

October 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

MIxed message, definitely mixed...oy.

October 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBreath-e

Doesn't that birthday cake remind you of that other one you posted a bit back for the nine year old, with the parent's graves?

October 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I respectfully suggest that the term "flesh coloured" could be considered narrow minded. Flesh is LOTS of different colours. Choosing to describe beige as "flesh coloured" is not cool.

October 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Happy Halloween, um, I mean Hailoween. I want even more Halloween wreckage! Keep it coming, won't you please. Tomorrow's Day of The Dead and stuff.

October 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Anon @ 9:30,

Didn't think I'd put your comment through did you? Well I did. But you're wrong.

"Flesh" is defined as "the soft substance consisting of muscle and fat that is found between the skin and bones of an animal or human."

So cut open the belly of any random chubby dude on the street* and we all look pretty much the same: a rather nasty yellowish, pinkish beige-ish color.

And that, my anonymous friend, deserves a booya.

john

*Please don't cut anyone open.

October 31, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjohn (the hubby of Jen)

The cake I submitted was WAY funnier and worse than these! ...oh well, at least its on the Fail Blog.

http://cheezburger.com/View.aspx?aid=2779266816

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

October 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLamontWayne

For the poop pumpkin, I could also see the "stem" as an eggplant with tentacle arms.

October 31, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterfaunablues

Big congrats on being featured on 'The Graham Norton Show'!!!
Now you're even famous-er.

October 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Holy cow! You guys got a shout out on The Graham Norton Show tonight.

An awesome moment... :-)

Steph

October 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The last one looks like a spider tick maggot, if there is such a thing.

October 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChris Mower

Hahaha...hey John, a friend of mine once quite rightly pointed out that if anyone's skin was the colour of "flesh tone", at least as defined by band-aids, they should seek a doctor's help immediately.

November 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

I think of "flesh"-colored as the color of Band-Aids, which match the skin of absolutely nobody I've even known. Happy Hailoween!

November 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

As a girl who lives in the rural south, I'ma go ahead and tell you that that's a sheaf of wheat and/or corn on the left and a hay roll on the right. Both traditionally that color (more or less), thought that explains neither the plain white background nor the psychedelic jack o'lantern flotsam...I'll leave that one up to you!

November 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJaime

The second one reminds me that, strangely, despite having a Hallowe'en birthday (I turned 27, btw), my birthdays have lacked a true Hallowe'en/birthday crossover wreck. I feel cheated.

November 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLina

I love this blog. I just saw it on the Graham Norton Show on BBC America!

November 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Double, double toil and trouble;
fire burn and cauldron bubble.
~ Shakespeare "Macbeth"~

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

November 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Redhead Riter

Doesn't everybody pronounce Carolina as "Care-uh-LAH-nuh"? If you think that's a poser try Mebane. Go ahead, try it.
It's pronounced MEB-ain. Try Manteo.
Nope it's not Man-TAY-o. It's MAN-ee-o.

But did anyone else see that on the corn shock cake that the leaves are SMILING?
WV puncetic I believe the definition of puncetic is how those folks spelled Hailoween.

November 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaede

who's graham norton? sorry i was reading the comments
leigh

November 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermiss leigh

Snow White's glass coffin
one-upped by glass tombstones in
a white, white field.

November 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I said Happy Hailoween out loud before being encouraged to do so, and I'm glad I'm not the only one, Jennifer!

November 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEva

ROFL... oh man, I got to the bottom with merely a snicker at the "Hailoween" cake (because I live in the south and have heard some people actually pronounce it this way), but then I saw the phrase "not a turd exploding on the sun". I'm still laughing! Jen, you are awesome!

November 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Subcutaneous fat is yellow. Our muscles look basically look like cuts of beef, very healthy red. I've never seen a 'flesh' colored bandaid in either of those colors. And if it is something meant to be used on the outer layer of dermis, why would they call it 'flesh'?

Just pondering.

November 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm not sure I see a different meaning in the first cake. I see a bound cornstalks and a round hay bale. That could be because I grew up on a farm though.

As for the "pumpkin".. that's a little disturbing. It looks as if a dog took a potty break on it.

November 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKelli

A friend of mine was actually born on Halloween. I think he'd find that wreck pretty amusing.

November 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdaundelyon

I thought it was a haystack and a hay bale (the rolled kind.)

November 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRed Wolf

We don't say it "hailoween" in the south, we say it more like "howloween" so I don't know what kind of accent you'd have to have...

November 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterskatej

That "RIP" birthday cake made me click through today but the "flesh-colored" chat has me weighing in. Dictionary aside, John, the "what is flesh colored" question has been going for some time. Maybe you didn't know? Crayola removed their "flesh-colored" crayon because of the debate, Bandaid (I believe) offered additional colors because of the debate, pantyhose had the same, and so on.

It's the little things that define a much greater issue of systemic "us versus them" race issue and whose flesh is normalized is one of those.

A little substance with all the sweet cake wreckage does a body good, so glad to see this thread diversion.

On with the wreckage!

November 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTammi

Hey Tammi,

I actually did know about it but being a stickler for definition, it's always bugged me that "Flesh" and "Skin" have become interchangeable. It's not the same thing. I know it's a matter of semantics.

Quick bad analogy. A banana is considered a fruit. It also has fruit beneath it's peel which, while part of the fruit, is not in and of itself fruit. It's the peel. See? Flesh is the fruit and skin is the peel.

What color is the fruit of a banana? White even though the fruit, as a whole, is yellow. Now I'm confusing myself.

My point? It doesn't make one culturally insensitive or bigoted to use a term correctly, even if everyone else uses it wrong.

john

p.s. Is it just me or is everyone in the world getting just a bit too sensitive.

November 1, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjohn (the hubby of Jen)

neck-bone's connected to the... elbow-bone?

November 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTiainspace

My heavens! I thought the last one was a Giant Tick!!!ewwwwww Deb

November 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCalibug

The thigh bone's connected to... (ahhhhh-nothing!!!)

November 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

To me, Hailoween isn't so much Southern as old lady with a really nasal voice....just try it.

November 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

HAY! Well, at least, that's what I thought the 4th cake was. A corn stalk and a bale of hay... That does not make it any better, of course!

Happy Hailoween

November 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBryna

Whoa! Day-glo orange frosting on that 'pumpkin'. Don't think that's going to do my insides much good.

November 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

i caved and said "Hailoween" and laughed for a good 5 minutes.

fantastic.
thank you. so much : )

November 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAbby

I'm curious if the northern USA accent analog to the Southern "Hailoween" would manifest itself in sports-themed cakes, where we really draw out our long-O sounds, e.g. "Goooooooooooooooooooooo Team"

Really t'ink ya do a good job wit' dis site, eh.

November 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterYummy Funny Cakes

I have two words to explain that Skeleton Cake: "JAZZ HANDS!"

November 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMoraelyn

I live in Tokyo and I can get you some Ginza Cozy Corner meringue pets. They're royal icing, and sometimes they have jelly bodies. The cute here is surreal, so much of it-I'm pretty much cuted out. Wish you could see the cute cake stuff at the 100Yen stores. Cute, Cute, CUTE! ARGH!!!!
let me know if you're interested- and Happy Falkersatherhood!
Colleen
pipilou@aol.com

November 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The "haystack" cake looks like a bunch of bundled sheaves of wheat (the famous Van Gogh painting comes to mind; tinyurl.com/yzckhhv) and a rolled hay bale rather than a haystack and a pumpkin. What *I* want to know is why they're surrounded by hitodama! (Hitodama are mysterious, small lights that resemble flames that supposedly appear near graveyards; they're the generic Japanese depiction of ghosts. There's a similar supernatural phenomenon in the UK, but they call them something boring like "grave-lights" or the like.)

November 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaser Potato

What I love is that the skeleton one it is sitting right next to some throw away cameras... Just like it's saying, hey look I'm a wreck!! Take my picture!! Marketing scheme by the bakery? Hmmm... Maybe?..

November 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hm... That last one could also be a small, unfortunate cephalopod clinging to a large, orange rock. I'm thinking cuttlefish.

Though the turd exploding on the sun bit did make me laugh out loud. The comedic timing was perfect.

November 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRJLittle

Wow, the last one was pretty bad, but the caption sent me into hysterics. :)

November 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

Also, "Hailoween" immediately makes me think of Paula Dean in the Smithfield Ham commercials. And I AM Southern. :)

November 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

Not even the true-blue southerners where I live pronounce it "Hailoween."
The worst I've ever heard it pronounced was a very heavy Howl-uh-ween or Hawl-uh-ween. A toddler once told me "Happy Haul-a-wayne," but I merely passed that off as the child's age and his Joker costume. (Get it? Bruce Wayne? Batman? Oh forget it; that was a lame joke)

November 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura L.

That skeleton is funny. Made me giggle. Not long now to halloween. ;) xx

October 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCupcakes Lady

I knew someone at my school who's accent was so heavy that they thought that "finger" was spelled "fanger." She never lived it down.

December 3, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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