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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
May302011

Flagging Enthusiasm

For reasons so obvious I won't even bother trying to explain them, Memorial Day has come to be synonymous with one thing and one thing only.


(Wait. There's also the furniture sales.)

Ok, two things and two things only.

Furniture sales, and this:

Just to clarify, I'm talking about grilling, not fecally suggestive icing puddles.

Yep, all over the country people are celebrating our military heroes by consuming good old-fashioned American hamburgers...


Flattened and with mayo on top, the way our founding fathers intended.

Hot dogs...

You can tell it's a hot dog because it clearly says, "Hat Dog."

...and, of course, whatever these are:

I'm going with "flaming Doritos."

Of course, bakeries know there's more to this holiday than food that looks like the other food you'll be eating today. That's why they also offer more "patriotic" designs; to stress the importance of remembering and honoring the sacrifices of our military.

It's just about dignity. You know?


Or how about a duck? A duck is totally patriotic:

Especially when you write "USA" on the flag so people know what country they're in.

Well, however you choose to celebrate it, may you have a wonderful Memorial Day. And remember: always show pride in your country by letting your freak flag fly.

Unless you'd rather eat it, of course.

Whichever you choose, just get rid of it. [shudder]

Thanks to wreckporters Chris W., Olivia I., Ashley P., Ashleigh G., Sarah B., Jessi J., & Heather M. for the grilling.

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« Save The Cakes | Main | Sunday Sweets: In Memory »

Reader Comments (74)

I'd like to see those cakes be just a memory! Blecch!

Also, I rather like the phrase "flaming Doritos" -- a band name, perhaps, or an insult for annoyingly cheesy people."

Thanks, as ever, for sharing the wreckiness!

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEllen

Jen, those flaming Doritos are T-bone steaks, obviously. I can't believe you didn't get that. T-bone steaks with flaming turtle legs! :)

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

ahhh... cake wrecks, how i love thee.

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjenconbar

Call me crazy, but on the duck cake, instead of seeing USA I clearly saw DUC spelled sideways... Because, you know, that makes a BIG difference.
~Sharon

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterShazzie

Love the flaming doritos! Well, off to let my freak flag fly...all while paying homage to those who gave all so we can be free in mocking tastelessly decorated cakes!

Happy Memorial Day!

wv:pingeo - pigeon anagram

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersteveandonna

I think the duck was supposed to be an eagle. I think I could charge those flag cakes treason if I could, those were awful D: A big thanks to our military, urrent and retired :D

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

All cakes aside, I'm having a heck of a time saying "freak flag fly" 3 times fast....

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJasry

Welp, it's snowing here. Good thing these cakes have cured me of any desire to have a cookout, because we're probably not having one in this weather.

But cemeteries can be visited rain or shine.

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

@Shazzie -- I totally saw the DUC on the duck cake too!

Those are awesome. I ♥ cake. Even inappropriately poop-shaped ones. :-D

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulieGartung

Flaming Doritos. LOL!

Those Porterhouse Steaks must have come from Lilliput!

Is there a way to make a cake that looks like a grill right?

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

Andrea beat me to it: T-bones. But must confess my first thought was why would anyone grill nachos.

Thanks for all y'all do. Wreck on!!

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The first cake is from the dog, "If I eat those sausages and replace them with turds maybe the master won't figure it out."

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarie

I'm still trying to figure out what that square thing before the duck, is. What is that???

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRJ Flamingo

The "diginity" cake's liberal use of dripping blood is, um, frightening.

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

FYI: The United States Air Force Ducks are similar to the Navy Seals.

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

More like flaming IUD's!

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

Why, yes, I always serve my hot dogs with ribbon. Why do you ask?

Nothing says we remember our troops like a USA hockey penguin on ice pretending to be a duck pretending to be an eagle.

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterteabunny

I think the hot dog CCC (patooey) has at least three times the frosting as cupcakes. (Scuse me while I wipe drool off the keyboard.) If it was the same frosting to real cake ratio I'd be trying to climb through the screen!! Just never did like cupcakes- I think it's the lack of frosting in the middle that does it for me.

-Barbara Anne

wv: poingly
Yesterday's Sweets were poignant but today's Wrecks are more poingly.

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Barbecued poop?

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLinda

My first thought when I saw the "flaming doritoes" cake was "Oh my gosh. I think I found Nemo."

WV: dunpawly -- To be completed badly. Example: "Wow. These cakes were dunpawly." (Works best with a Southern accent.)

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Okay.....this was one of the funniest posts yet! Thanks for the howls! LOL

www.simplysweeter.blogspot.com

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSimplySweeter

1: Why WOULD one grill blobs of ketchup, pray tell? (If it's not that, then someone needs to see a proctologist, and I wouldn't waste a bleedin' minute.)

2: IF you call fatigue-green meat "patriotic," then sure--that burger is as American as tobacco pie.

3: Hat dog? Hot Damn.

4: OO! OO! I want the one that looks like a little Santa (lower left)!! It has the "head', two "arms", two "legs", and that cute little red, fur-trimmed suit. 'Kay?

5: Not to be irreverent, but it looks as if someone make a sacrifice of sorts on that cake.
MEDIC!!

6: The "eagle" could've been cute, if it didn't look so damn depressed. Maybe it's really a carrier pigeon for the U.S. Postal service, sad because he got hung up on a cloud.

Jeeez, if I'm expected to be subjected to this tripe--on a holiday, at that--then I want better drugs.

MEDIC!!!

=^>.<^=

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Slight correction: that doesn't say 'Hat Dog' --- it says 'Hat 12 og'. No, I have no clue why that makes it more Memorial Day-ish.

Kathryn

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCreatura Christi

I'm with Shazzie. I thought the duck cake said DUC across his butt, lol. equally silly.

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkirstie

Based on my poking around looking for Memorial Day cakes, I had come to believe that the day was really just a front for the Strawberry and Blueberry Alliance.

As opposed to the Blueberry Alliance With Strawberry group, of course. Splitters.

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

Jen, those aren't flaming Doritos, they're OBVIOUSLY flaming Epcot Centers!

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPaul

I love to eat them once.

Happy Memorial Day!

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAAREN

I suggest listening to this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUFPWW7IqCU
Its amazing! "let your freak flag fly! Let your freak flag fly!"

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDestinie

Why does that dead bird have a flag on it's back?

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTeechur

From the thumbnail on Facebook I really thought the "flaming Doritos" were tropical fish.

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHelen

Unless you are creating a battleship or a robot why would anyone use grey to decorate a cake? Hurl

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPauline

I think the Flaming Doritos is "supposed" to be t-bone steaks with flames from the grill under them. Not that I would eat it anyway!

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLizzy Leigh

Lindy:

the 'flaming dorita' one says Grill Cake on the label...lol

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Gem said...
Why, oh why, must they put two round cupcakes on either side of a large, looong....er, hot dog?!

That's just asking for it if you ask me.

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGemma Clasing

If you tilt your head to the side, the flaming Doritos look like fire-breathing fish.

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I grew up outside of Cleveland. Due to the Northern Cities Vowel Shift Hat Dog and Hot Dog sound very much the same when spoken by my HS classmates...

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDave

I wouldn't even want to touch that first cake. But strangely I'm now craving a hat dog. I just love those with ketchup while wearing a flea collar. I have some Doritos but sadly they aren't flaming.

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

I'm POSITIVE that last flag cake is at our local grocery store!!

And I just took a photo of the most pitiful "hamburger" cake to email to you!!

:) Mags

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMags

Those Flaming Doritos look like they are on the back of a turtle shell!

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I was going to make a reference to Flaming Doritos and mention that they're not the only things flaming in Orlando this weekend ... until I remembered that particular event is NEXT weekend.

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh that "cheese" looks real! Cheese on icing -- eeeewwww!

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe English Teacher

It's a good thing the cakes yesterday were so awesome -- helps to deflect the offense offensive that you *know* would otherwise be happening.

#1 The red blobs are dollops of lava; a novel attempt to get charcoal to actually ignite without resorting to explosives.

#2 The latest addition to the I-n-O secret menu: 'Cake Wrecks Style'.

#3 I also see 'Hat 12og'. And what may be the worst CCC (patooie!) yet.

#4 Aww. Wee little t-bone steaks (no, I don't want to think about where they came from). With Doritos. On a pan of brownies. Three of your four basic food groups in one meal (they left out bacon).

#5 Finally! A cake commemorating the historic Battle of Fort Latrine! It's about time. (But talk about a pyrrhic victory...)

#6 What Memorial Day would be complete without a sighting of the Green Short-winged Flag-backed Eagleduck?

#7 These should be reverently folded in half and given a decent burial.

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I saw the Tbones, right off...but again, I totally see how Flaming Doritos is an option...as for your Duck...could be that it's supposed to be an American EAGLE...but perhaps our baker is in a "fowl" mood? Ugh. propict

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSue R

Isn't that a navy duck? I remember the Navy anthem goes "Be kind to your web-footed friends, for a duck may be somebody's mother..." Right?

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

that "hamburger" cake with the "mayo" on top looks like it has algae oozing off of it.

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterarchersangel

the mallard looked like it took a leap and landed in a bed of frosting...

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertiny p. elephant

@SueBee: FYI: The United States Air Force Ducks are similar to the Navy Seals.

That's awesome.

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterReverend Ref +

The delightful dignity of the dripping orange blood sacrifice of some alien creature for our Memorial Day Celebration is just awe inspiring. Awfully, AWFULLY inspiring. May it wretch in peace.

~Hat Dog~ I'll be choke giggling over that the rest of the day.

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie in Texas

Hmm, if they were aiming for an eagle I think someone's got their ornithology mixed up, because they've done an awfully good job of making it look like a deceased duck. Anyway, why would an eagle be green unless it was an ill eagle? I doubt they would be trying to put illegal things on a cake that also had their national flag on it.

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJuniper

Nothing says "Memorial Day" like Gamorah t-bones. Just sayin'.

WV - Mujil: It's amazing all the way these wreckorators find to mujilate depictions of grilled meat...

May 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

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