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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jul222011

The Search for the World's Most Disturbing Shower Cake ENDS HERE

 

You know how I'm always telling you baby butt cakes could be so much worse?

 

 

Things are about to get so much worse.

 

Heads up!

Wow. This is so stinkin' sexy, I almost didn't even notice the outie belly button.

 

Because fetus cookies are SO last year:

Goes great with mother's milk.

And lots of screaming.

 

Proving once again that bakers are taking posts on this blog as inspiration:

I'm torn (ha! Ew.) between asking what that gray pouch thing hanging out is and desperately, desperately, not wanting to know. In fact, know what? Don't tell me. I'm never having kids, so knowing what the inner lining's poop chute or whatever looks like is just one of those things I never need to know. Seriously. Leave me to my blissful ignorance.

 

And finally, look. I realize that a lot of talent was required to make some of these wrecks - I do! However, no amount of talent will ever make any part of this look yummy to me:

 

In fact, you could say the amount of talent a baker has when making a placenta has an inverse reaction to how much I want to eat said placenta.

 

Or, in other words:

 

SWEET BETTY CROCKER I AM NEVER EATING AGAIN.

 

 

Thanks to Matt R., Sarah M., Carl G., & Heather A. for today's gut-busters. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to skip lunch.

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Reader Comments (411)

UGH I shouldn't have looked at those right before lunch. Not eating for a week now.

WV: ohmeryn. Ohmeryn I think I'm going to be sick!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCakey Goodness

What on Earth does that first cake say???? "Mikkel"?? Is that the sound of trying in vain to hold back the vomit from seeing cakes that H.R. Giger would have nightmares over?

I have been coming to this site so long that the most disturbing thing about this post is the name....

WV: Hyphann - the hideous name of Mikkel's sister?

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Reluctant Diva

I am currently expecting a delightful bundle of joy in September. I have five healthy happy kids playing around me right now. One of them was even born at home. I find birth fascinating and inspiring. I'm actually not completely dreading labor. I'm only slightly dreading it.

These cakes, however, are so disturbing and revolting. I'll probably start having vivid pregnancy hormone induced nightmares about babies exploding out of wrinkly fondant-skin, and the nurses thinking the baby and placenta are there for snack time... AAAAAUUGHHH!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKittyKat

EW EW EW! That placenta just took the cake as the worst wreck yet. I can't believe how well made each of the items was and yet, it's just so very very wrong! Good grief!

There is seriously something wrong with anyone who would order these cakes and I'm horribly frightened by anyone who would actually *eat* these cakes! I'm going to have nightmares for years to come just from looking at them!! I will send you my therapist bill...

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJabby

Please, please can we all get together and commission pretty little flower cakes or something innocuous from these bakers? They clearly need to put their talents to use in, um, less creepy ways.

And thank you for convincing me not to slip some cake into my cart when I go grocery shopping this afternoon. My waistline would thank you, except I think Ben & Jerry's might be the beneficiary instead.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-with-an-e

What disturbs me about that last one is that they went to the trouble to make edible hemostats, but they left everything CLEAN. Birth is DEFINITELY not that sterile. Where's the blood, people??? lol

(EWWWWWWWWWWW ::HURK::)

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBonnie

Soooooo wrong on soooooo many levels.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCyndi

It says a lot about how queasy I'm feeling that that last cake didn't make much of a difference. I think the verdict is that I should go home sick. If it was safe to drive. I can use todays CW post in lieu of a doctors note!

I guess I can say that at least the cakes were well-made, and the decorators are talented and put a lot of work into them. Judgment and taste, however...

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

That placenta cake literally almost made me lose my lunch. And I don't have a weak stomache at all! Wow! Those are gross. And the people who ordered them are sick, I tell ya. Sick.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKim T.

WV: we need to get rid of of all baby/pregnancy cakes STSTAT!!! LOL (makes me stutter)

Those were VERY disturbing.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNo Cake Fo' You!!

Oh. My. Gods... (blinkblink)...

I got nuthin' else. Seriously. NUTHIN'. ELSE.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

Naomi: Thank you for the Aliens shout-out, and I totally agree with you.

That last ... thing ... is beautifully done, but so totally and completely awful. Good heavens what were they thinking? Surely nobody could have ever actually cut into that!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJani

Wow. Just....wow. I've had one baby, am expecting another, and I pray I don't have a shower cake that looks like these. Also, I don't have any idea what that grey thing hanging out is, either.

*shudder*

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

Note to self: 'Fiancee must not see these, or I'll be hearing "don't touch me!" for the rest of time.

#1 The blue stars are causing a holiday flashback. I want it known that I did not say her name or even use the initials.

#2 Congratulations on your twin...gargoyles?

#3 Help.

#4a/b: This is so f--anatically (yeah, that's the word I'll use) detailed that the wreckerator must be dividing his / her time between the bakery and med school.

Pushing the implications of that firmly out of mind, is it too much to ask that the attention to detail extend to such trivial things as oh, I dunno, making the baby look freaking alive?!?!?!

I'll be working on a time machine so I can stop myself from viewing today's post. If you're reading this, I haven't succeeded. Yet.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Oooooh! I'm glad it's a while until lunch and long since breakfast.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

I am just speechless, I can not believe that people would ask for those kind of cakes or that bakers would make them. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCustom Cake Princess

So, does this mean we are heading towards cakes to commemorate various surgical procedures? How about appendectomies, sex reassignment amputations, or wart removal? Mmmm yummy can't wait.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

As a student aspiring to be an OB nurse, I find the last cake to be utterly horrifying... mostly because it is so realistic. I need bleach for my eyes now...

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda Mac

really? really??? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBALTIMORE DAILY PHOTO

Where is the unicorn "chaser" for these?

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterUnknown

These are revolting. I actually sort of gagged for the C-section one - and they just got worse. Who in the heck would think these are a good idea?! They are disturbing on soooo many levels.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

I should know better than to look at CW when I am setting down to lunch... I mean launch, as in what WAS my lunch... who eats these things?!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

These are revolting! Who thinks these would be a good idea?! The baker should have taken one look at their creation and destroyed it immediately, for the good of humanity.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

*picks self up from floor after hysterical laughing fit*

OMFingG!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

eeeeeewwwwwwwwww.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertulipdjc

I'm worried that my face will be stuck in the, "Ew-ick," look forever now....

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLydia Ruby Atsma

no no no no no no no. NO. Jen!!!!!!

It's Friday!

You're supposed to make us Laugh!

Are you madddd at meeeeeee????

:-( :-( :-(

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterunhappy mouse

AAkkkk (vomit sound)

I just can't imagine partaking of the last cake. Eating a baby and a placenta is just well...gross!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Ex-Perfectionist

Re: the last cake. Is anything on that one savory?

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCRCobb

I don't think I'll ever eat or have kids ever now. This was worse than the hangover cakes.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterYvette

As a pregnant woman in the throes of morning sickness, let me just say this did not help-AT ALL.

BRB-my breakfast is coming up.

EWW

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJanna

I really don't think it's right to blame the decorators in this case. All of these cakes were executed well... if they're awful it's because someone walked into a bakery, marched proudly up to the counter with head held high, and demanded a cake that featured half a baby clawing its way out of its mother's blood-soaked ladybits.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterdroewyn

Who needs appetite suppressants when you have this post? LOL

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMissyIs

Oh, Blick! Whatever happened to pink and blue booties? Little bibs and pacifiers?

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

C-section cakes? Dear Lord...WHY????

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJillian

@ craig

[Doc Brown Voice]You can't succeed because you were inspired to invent the time machine by today's horror so every time you try to prevent yourself from viewing the page something will happen to prevent you from stopping yourself to ensure that the tiem machine exsists to get you to the spot to try and stop yourself resulting in a never ending loop of terror as you end up watching yourself look at the cakes over and over and over!

Of course that's a worse case scenario you could just shock yourself so bad that you just pass out.[/Doc Brown Voice]

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

Gross Gross Gross!!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSamacfam

I am pretty disturbed by these as well... What is it about a dead baby on a cake that people (other people) find so cute??? I get creeped out by those dead baby (lifelike, yeah right) dolls as it is. I refuse to EAT one!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am so sad to report that yesterday on the Wilton FB page they had a post showing how to make the baby butt with feet cake. Another Cake Wrecks fan pointed out the disservice they were doing. So sad, but I do believe they are using Cake Wrecks for insperation after all.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterExpatriate Buckeyes

OH... OH MY... WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN...

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh I am so glad I'm not pregnant right now. Seriously people, to echo the rest of the readers...WHAT WERE YOU THINKING????
I've had three babies and never seen the placenta. I was happy that way. Now I'm scarred for life.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTricia

ummm... wow. just wow.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDana

#5 is very disturbing! I agree... I may never go to a baby shower again! :P Linda M.M.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'd like to thank you for helping me to lose weight...by showing me these cakes right before lunch. No lunch for me now! Lol. That placenta was WAAAAAAY too realistic!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKat

It's a cake, stop complaining, and eat it. That is some real artistry.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercullen

OMG! EWWWW! ICK!!!! BLECH!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Well, I was hungry.

Now I may never eat again.

Could someone please, PLEASE tell these bakers that just because youCAN make something doesn't mean that you should???

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAllison

I'm used to gross sights, but the first thing on my mind when I saw the baby: Either it's dead or it definitely looks like a dead little alien.
What will really 'edge me over a cliff of visual grossness' in terms of cake wrecks: (oh please don't encourage anyone!) p**pcake and p*kecake. Those would be the ultimate!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Good Gravy! Breakfast is coming back and lunch won't go down. =(
Who would/could eat these?

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTee

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