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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jul222011

The Search for the World's Most Disturbing Shower Cake ENDS HERE

 

You know how I'm always telling you baby butt cakes could be so much worse?

 

 

Things are about to get so much worse.

 

Heads up!

Wow. This is so stinkin' sexy, I almost didn't even notice the outie belly button.

 

Because fetus cookies are SO last year:

Goes great with mother's milk.

And lots of screaming.

 

Proving once again that bakers are taking posts on this blog as inspiration:

I'm torn (ha! Ew.) between asking what that gray pouch thing hanging out is and desperately, desperately, not wanting to know. In fact, know what? Don't tell me. I'm never having kids, so knowing what the inner lining's poop chute or whatever looks like is just one of those things I never need to know. Seriously. Leave me to my blissful ignorance.

 

And finally, look. I realize that a lot of talent was required to make some of these wrecks - I do! However, no amount of talent will ever make any part of this look yummy to me:

 

In fact, you could say the amount of talent a baker has when making a placenta has an inverse reaction to how much I want to eat said placenta.

 

Or, in other words:

 

SWEET BETTY CROCKER I AM NEVER EATING AGAIN.

 

 

Thanks to Matt R., Sarah M., Carl G., & Heather A. for today's gut-busters. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to skip lunch.

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Reader Comments (411)

Sweet Jesus! What in the hell are people thinking? Where in the world is that even acceptable? I need to think happy thoughts and go luck at some Sunday Sweets posts to erase those from my brain!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPolish Pauper

@isolder74, you're right -- I completely overlooked the paradox angle. Even if I already had the idea for a time machine and this just pushed me to act, it still wouldn't work. Shazbat!

So wreckerators have no idea what a flag looks like, or a peanut, or just about anything else one might care to name. Yet they get a placenta right? Worse still, they get the color of everything on the tray exactly right except the baby? Oy! That isn't an L&D cake, it's a CSI cake.

"Your scientists (or wreckerators) were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should." -- Ian Malcom

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

This has done wonders for my diet. I may never eat again. The torso of the baby on the last cake looks frighteningly like a chicken that I roasted last night.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteremjaykae

That first and third ones take 'in the John Hurt way' to a whole new level. But well done to the last cake for fully envisioning the alien horror that is the placenta.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRachael

I think I may not want to eat for a long, long while. Disturbing... really disturbing...

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterwho-in-whoville

That last one looks like an autopsy setup.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterM

are you supposed to cut that baby up and eat it? I don't care about the placenta, but thinking about cutting into that baby is creeping me out. You know at birthday parties someone always wants the big icing rose on the corner? Was someone like, I'll take the piece with the baby head on it?

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKC

That last one looked like the baby was being prepped for an autopsy. Quite a bit of skill on the instruments, but not so much on the dead-looking baby. wtf?

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermadeinmt

That last one looks like an autopsy table. The baker's skill was great on the instruments, but not so much on the dead-looking baby. wtf??

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermadeinmt

::: S P I T T A K E :::

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDebra Weite

Dear God, whatever happened to good taste???

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterfurpurrson

Hmm. I had 2 c-sections and have no clue what the spatulas are for either.... anyone?

(and really, people, have you NOT learned yet you should NEVER EVER be eating when you come to Cakewrecks?) :-P

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterQuisty

Nope, never having kids and from now on NEVER ATTENDING BABY SHOWERS!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLinda

However nasty they may look, that is some serious talent.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTucson Web Design

can you say "my name is Vomitus Maximus?" ew ugh. hack. blech

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSediena Lee

Are they made to be eaten? I just don't get it! Do people order these cakes? Surely not a pregnant woman! Who would want to pretend-eat their own baby? Or fetus? Or PLACENTA? Holy hell that's just so GROSS!!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJaime

my jaw is hanging on the floor...

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKarenR

I've never commented here before but I had to this time. My stomach contents turned in my belly when I saw these cakes. I'm feeling a bit nauseous. WTF, placenta maker? WTF?

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterErin Smith

That last one is awful. I think it looks like the baby is not alive (for lack of better wording). If that cake was at my shower, I'd walk out! Disgusting.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Well, I was just about to go cook dinner. NOPE, not happening now. All I can see is that bowlful of placenta. Gak.
However, my boys found it rather funny that there were stars coming out of the first belly, along with the baby. 9 and 7 is too young to watch Alien, yes? ;-)

WV: nessido: Was it really nessido to make cake look like placenta?!?!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJasry

If it was an alien ripping it's way out of that belly, that'd be much cooler. As it is...aaiiieee!

Now the last one. Well well well. That's some damned fine skill on that cake. I'm not even grossed out in particular, because I own a jello mold in the shape of a brain and I think that's fun and cool. One of my first cakes was an eyeball in orcy fingers coming out of a pool of blood. Gross is fine. All in all, I'd be ready to consider that one a sweet except for one teeny little problem:

IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE ABOUT TO EXPERIMENT ON A CREEPY PRE-AGED BABY LUCIUS VORENUS AIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(This guy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucius_Vorenus_(Rome_character))

*resumes screaming*

AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

Wow... as someone who actually considered consuming a placenta (encapsulated though...) before we decided to donate it, I can honestly say that looks less appealing than the real thing...

I can't imagine having one of these at a baby shower... some of them at an awareness event to encourage avoiding unnecessary cesareans maybe. *lol*

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMolly

Last night on "Glee"

Chenoweth character: "Wow, these margaritas are great."

Lynch character: "Yes I added just a hint of placenta."

---awkward silence---

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMel

Between these cakes, and our lectures in Histology on placentas I am never having kids. Maybe adopt some, but I refuse to have the little parasite in my body.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLayla

What I love about these wrecks is that every one of them is expertly made. I'll bet these decorators do beautiful work when it's not something disgusting.

Don't get me wrong: these are wrecks, no doubt about it. But sometimes bad taste is funnier than incompetence. :-)

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

No, no, no, no, no. Just no.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterblissteach

That is terrible!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNebuchudnessar

Why did I read this while I was eating dinner!!
Duckies and teddies and blocks oh my!!!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertiny p. elephant

That twins cake wasn't a shower cake - it was a birthday cake for Kim Deal of The Breeders, Pixies, and The Amps and Kelly Deal of The Breeders and The Kelley Deal 6000. http://www.dangerousminds.net/comments/kim_and_kelley_deals_unique_twin_birthday_cake/

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterladymeag

Oh Sweet Jesus, my eyes! This post is exactly as titled: Most Disturbing. If I ever see you posting something that says the pictures are worse than this I won't be reading.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteramanda

That post was chock full of sad face :(

and placenta

and just enough ew to last me through this decade.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJeepchic20

Weeellll.... On the plus side, the placenta is.. um... realistic...um... Yeeaahhhh. Not pleasant(a)! Lol. I'd ask my dog what he thought of it (he attempted to eat my mum's when my sister was born at home, so I'd say he's quite well up on these things...) but he's asleep. Then again, I would not wish to inflict such bad taste on his poor eyes! It may offend his sensibilities... Hahahaha I pity the poor people at these baby showers! :(

Lucy

WV: prolo = placenta-flavoured Rolo (yuck)

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPink Peril

I don't know which is more disturbing, the fact that somebody would come up with the ideas for these cakes, to the fact that they are so real looking!!!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

Oooh, I know that twin foetus cake! That was this year's birthday cake for Kelley and Kim Deal from the band The Breeders (heh).

While that last one is awesomely disgusting, I just can't get past that first one. Why must people who like that kind of thing breed?

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterro

Ok, these aren't cake wrecks - these are people wrecks. The cakes themselves are fine; WHO ORDERED THEM! Yes, I meant to scream that. What kind of person orders these cakes? The last one looks like the baby is some kind of science experiment. And does there really need to be nips on the first cake? Without knowing the back story, my guess is that people actually wanted these cakes. They are too well done and look way too expensive. Cake wrecks are funny - these are disturbing.

Sorry for the rant.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am definitely ... not ... EVER ... having kids. Or attending baby showers where I don't make the cake.

wv: greboxes
Those cakes should be put in grey boxes and thrown in the dumpster!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

If anything could turn me off eating cake...these would be it! That fetus thing...words escape me.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTanya

I think I threw up a little. And I am trying not to react because I am in a room with other people. So. Hard. *shudder*

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRachel H.

Oy! That cake with the baby holding the sign: the hand is 3 times the size of the foot!

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjudy

Hmmm.....................Make up a word for these........

How about Dishowerasterific?

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

Yeah...I looked at these and thought "gross!!" Then I read the comments. About...people eating...PLACENTA!! Now I feel sick to my stomach. *gag* Having a mental image of eating a cake that looks like placenta is one thing. I mean, it is just cake after all. But having a mental image of eating PLACENTA?? OMGosh! There are no words.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRita

I think you summed it up perfectly. That was way beyond disgusting.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEat Cake

I do appreciate the work the people put into those cakes though...still not ever going to be willing to eat one of them, urgh.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEat Cake

O.K. realistic cake sculpturing has gotten WAY out of control! Please, people, I want a cake that looks like a cake . . .

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh, I sincerely hope these were a case of people planning the showers who thought this would be a good, fun idea...and then they went in to the bakery and placed the order ("You want what??? O-kaaaaay...")...and then the bakers try their best, but realize as time goes on how disturbing this is fast becoming, but the deadline for the order pick-up is coming...and they are left no choice but to hand these to the customers, where both parties are left blinking, standing in awkward silence...and the stunned, sheepish person picking up the cake has to get it to the shower on time...

Either that, or there are some very SICK people out there...

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am a big fan of cakewrecks and just now realized that, if these are any indication, you and John must see an enormous amount of really horrific cakes...

I send my apologies for what you endure on a daily basis just so we can be entertained. :)

xox

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca F.

have to admit they did a pretty good job of that placenta, almost looks like a real one ... it isn't a real one is it? please tell me me it isn't!?

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteramyandtenaya

I take it back. I've changed my mind. If I get a cake in the shape of a baby, a tummy or baby in/out of a tummy, I will destroy the sanity of the person who ordered the cake by cutting it up in front of them, with glee, making "mm-mm, yummy baby" cooing noises. And maybe a foetus and fava bean comment or two.
Yep. This post has pushed me over the serial killer edge.

wv: leluc: the sound Pepe Le Pew makes looking at this post.

July 22, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPuppygirl

Oh, good lord this is WRONG, with a capital W!

Ya know, that last cake would ALMOST be nice if the baby were done in a more cartoonish way and was lying on the scale. That is just...

Okay, I wanna know EXACTLY what kind of person would want a cake like that last one and that fetal one! Obviously people with a sense of the macabre.

July 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

These cakes are awsume so much detail...wow

July 23, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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