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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Dec102012

Torte Reform

The FDA has issued strong new warnings about the serious side effects caused by cake wrecks.

If you, or someone you know, has been injured by a cake wreck, call the Law Offices of Ann B'Lance-Chaser today!

Because I'm a lawyer. It says so right here on my gavel.

 

Side effects of cake wrecks can include:

Confusion.

 

Nausea.

 

Erectile Dysfunction.

 

Vision loss.

 

Crankiness.

 

And whiplash.

That's right, whiplash:

"My birthday cake was so ugly I did a double double-take and hurt my neck. Ann B'Lance-Chaser got me 3 dozen cupcakes!* THANKS, ANN B'LANCE-CHASER!"

Don't delay! Call Ann B'Lance-Chaser, and get YOUR just desserts.

*Actual award was 5 dozen cupcakes. A 40% contingency fee will be assessed on all edible settlements. Fifty percent if chocolate is involved.

 

Thanks to Michelle B., Amy S., Juliana & Lauren C., another Amanda S., Karyn T., Bea V., and Claire O'B for the legal ease.

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Reader Comments (37)

Bwahaha

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Crankiness....hahahahaha. I'd say that's super cranky!!

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlauren

Good Lord. What the heck is up with cake #3?????? Smeared icing and missing icing, too??? It looks like the dog got to it!

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBeckyBecky

I love the "Crankiness" one!! Feeling a little stabby?

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRenee

That last cake really creeps me out.

*shivers*

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterThe Witch's Kitchen

Did the "nausea" cake actually come from the bakery like that, was it delivered like that, or did it have an accident on the way home? If it started out that way... I have no words.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

That whiplash also caused droopy eyelash syndrome.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMark

Did anyone else see Janice from The Muppets in that last cake???

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Some fatal events have been reported.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I'm not 100% certain the image on that first wreck is actually a gavel... If you know what I mean... Wink-wink, nudge-nudge, say n' more, say n' more...

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Dear Ms. Ann B'Lance-Chaser:

We here at Tinker, Toyz and Tops are a top-notch law firm and have been very successsful in bringing suits (for major cases; sportscoats for lesser cases) to court. We have been aware of the dangers of this site for years. One of the most serious consequences of viewing this site has been the sudden loss of buttocks do to the spontaneous LMAO effect. This tragic end result not only affects walking, but also makes sitting virtually impossible. While we have been the butt of many jokes for taking these cases, and have often run into a dead-end, we are not a fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants firm, and will continue to turn the other cheek to those who scorn our efforts. (We were recently humourously mocked for this at the local Rump Roast.) Though sometimes we get a little behind in our work, we press on to the end. Thank you for your fine work in this spreading field. A toast to you: bottoms up!

Sincerely,
Mr. Potato, Head Counsel

PS...We have recently hired an additional partner to specialize in these caes: Mr. Wazoo.

@Sharyn...love your work!

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

I wonder if the nausea was a display... You know, the ones that stores leave for three months that say expressly: "Display only, do not eat!"

... And lots of moms have been letting their kids take a taste... Of the dress...

... And the cake has been dumped upside down... After the icing hardened... That's all I can imagine

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMommy23Melody

What I'm I missing on the "UGA Lawyer" cake? I know I am not the best speller but this appears right to me. Does the gavel look weird? I feel slow today, sorry.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

I think your representation of erectile dysfunction is a tad unfair...it is a petite cake, after all, and has to work with what it has....also, if you look at the base, it has blue balls....never a good situation....

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Boy Blue

After a successful career restoring religious frescoes throughout Europe, Hilda retired to Scottsdale, where she still lends her expertise at the local bakery from time to time.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

Um, #4 seems like Mommy was having a hard time getting Junior to latch on and has become chapped.

#5: Is that an albino crab? A three-horned bunny? A Boo from Super Mario? Whatever it is, it has apparently eaten one too many Peeps. They are on their way back out with such violence as to pop out the poor creature's eyes.

#6: The dress form, it doth bleed.

@Sharyn: Bravo!

@Sarah: I thought of Janice, too! Janice with a brunette wig!

@mel: *snicker*

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

@Sharyn - Hey, where's our daily song parody?! Just because you wrote today's post, that's no excuse for slacking off - we need our fix!!! Arggh - I'm getting the DTs right now.... dib;8);)!?(6$
(Ok, just teasing!! Your post is fantastic!)

@mel - YES!!!! I knew you would come through for us with some more legal eagle adventures when I read today's post! ;-)

@Sarah - muppet-looking, yes, but Janice?! She's the long blonde Sally-type, not a freckled curly brunette... I'm wondering who the "homage" or "wreck-mage" is in honor of?! I spied a purse on a couple of the cupcakes. (I think; I'm pretty sure) Can't find anything else identifiable. Maybe a brunette Tammy Faye Baker w/that makeup & those huge lips, but then there's those freckled again!! Go figure...would love to know the backstory on this one!

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

oh lord you people crack me up

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

Ive used Ann B Lance-chaser, she was working at the firm of Duey Cheetum and Howe,

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMary McPherson

There is no excuse for the sloppiness of some of these cakes. I mean, really! It is impossible to successfully stab a headless bride in the chest (Cake #6) if you are holding the knife upside down! Do these wreckerators think we were born yesterday?

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

#3 "Smith, I've told you a million times: This is *cake*. You can't make corrections with an eraser!"

#4 The wreckerator failed to appreciate the gravity of the situation.

#5 Vision loss? Try appetite loss.

At least #7 has the requisite neck brace.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Oh my gosh, I love this post! AND the comments. AND the "law office names"!!

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSusanB

@BADKarma ~ I plead the 5th! Have to be on my best behavior. Barbara Anne is watching me now... So I'll just sit here and smirk quietly and try not to break a rib holding in the laughter.

@mel ~ I actually work in a law office. Well done!

@Sharyn ~ So glad you're a "staff writer" now! Bravo!!! Standing ovation for you! Did you convince your husband about the cake from yesterday? Happy Anniversary!

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

Too bad the lawyer cake decorator missed the obvious pun - conGAVELations. Amirite? Oh,well, they probably would have completely misspelled it anyway.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

Cake #3 looks familiar...because over the weekend I made the mistake of leaving a carrot cake with cream cheese frosting out where my cat could get it.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercal

The vision loss one made me burst with laughter.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDesiree

What IS that last cake? I will now have nightmares involving muppets, and I'll be hiding under my bed next time muppets is on.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMarnieB

Could someone explain what occasion calls for the 6th(?) cake? The wedding gown part of it really bothers me....

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterOldish Lady

Nausea ... AND... peeling stucco! Oh wait, that comes under Homeowners' coverage, the section on acts of godless canned frosting.

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergobbler

I don't know what UGA is supposed to stand for (maybe university of georgia?) but Uga in Hebrew means cake. So..... cake lawyer?

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterR

I've personally never experienced E.D. and why is that knife upside down? Was it a monkey swinging from a vine that got all stabbity?

Sarah re: Janet from The Muppets- did I see her? For surely!

Yay, mel!

Jodee, I approve your message. ;)

Sharyn, stop sucking all the creativity out of the atmosphere, will ya? First, it's awesome parodies and now fabulous posts. (sigh)

December 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

Well that cranky cake takes PMS to a whole new level lol. That or it's a random bridezilla attack on the cake. Sheesh. That E.D cake made me laugh til I cried. Glad I will never ever know that lol.

December 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Sharyn: Bravo! I'm giggling.

Ginger: How did you acquire so much knowledge about how to stab a headless bride? Please don't plead the 5th on this one.

December 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

I'm sure "UGA" is for University of Georgia. My brother is a UGA lawyer, but I still love him.

December 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGeorge P. Burdell

this is really funny!XD

December 11, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterfrost

That crankiness cake is in a shop window! I can just about see it as a special order, very-bitter-divorce cake, but as an advertisement for the bakery ... words fail me. Can you just see the very nice cake on the right hand side? They can do good cakes.

December 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMorag

Need a cheap face lift?
Turtleneck holds your cheeks up,
lets blood pool in lips.


Guys - it is ALMOST ALMOST time for me to be done teaching for the semester (yay!) which means I should be more reliably daily on here.

December 12, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

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