My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

A Cake Wrecks Christmas Card

There are so many ways to say it.

With a smile:

With a kiss:

Or even with a song:

But WE choose to say it with confusing torso anatomy and a kiester on Santa's front end:

So on behalf of myself, john (the hubby of Jen), and our fabulous-smelling guest writers Lindsey and Sharyn, allow me to wish you all:

Oops, sorry; I think that's missing something.

Theeeere we go.

Now, go spend some time with your loved ones, and try not to start any fights with the in-laws, mmkay?


Thanks to Kendra M., Dani, Tylar M., Connie E., Bubba W., & Donna K. for being my wrecky little helpers.

« A Kwanzaa Tradition | Main | Jingle Bell Shocks »

Reader Comments (39)

Sung to "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" (For grins, I started with the last cake, just to blow your nog-laden noggins...)

Have yourselves a merry freaking Chistmas
Santa's just not right
From the front, his kiester should be out of sight
Have yourselves a merry freaking Chistmas
Jingel all the way
Mrs. Claus is kissing all the elves today
Here we are, like so many days
As we eye bad cakes galore
There's a Santa so near to us
Watch him leer with big blue orbs
Every day, we all must meet together
If the cakes allow
Wreckerators always muddle through somehow
So, have yourselves a merry freaking Chistmas now.

Merry Christmas, fellow Wreckies, Oh-Cakey-Goddess-of-Most-High-Snark-and-Random-Sprinkles, John (thoJ), the delightfully fragrent Lindsey -- Jen's right, we really DO smell fabulous -- and cakey minions everywhere! May all your cakes be wrecks and your carrots have jockeys!

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Merry Christmas you two (four?)! May the peace and love of Christ dwell in you richly today and always!

I always enjoy my visits to cakewrecks!!

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPACookinDad

Wow, that's some serious unibrow that first cake has going on. Travels all the way down his nose. Second cake, I wanted to be generous and say it's actually Mrs. Claus with a rose in her hair (and a serpent tongue?), but I can't explain the beard. I'm confused by the graphic on the Jingel Bell cake. Is that a bell? A multi-colored square bell? Poor Santa. Poor, poor, Santa who wears bow-ties, and keeps candy canes tucked in his belt, and got fried by radiation that caused all sorts of defects. Poor Santa.

Merry Freaking Christmas to you, too! (Thank you for ending with something that looks edible and is spelled correctly.) Have a safe and happy holiday with a prosperous new year to follow.

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterteabunny

That last cake reminds me uncontrollably of "Family Guy". Merry Christmas to all of you who pull Christmas out of your holly-jolly butt (and the rest of you have a merry ugggghhhhh, too).

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Have a meryy f(ern) n christmas. Sharyn lol :D

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

oh! is that suicide belt Santa?

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermimi

Merry Christmas to the ones who keep me laughing every morning when I log on to your site. Keep up the good work even though the cakes are not.

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharon's Edible Art

The SANTA!! O.M.G. Saaaannnttaaaaaa!!! (sobs) that's just so wrong

Merry Freaking Christmas one and all. (I have actually said it that way in real life AND meant it.)

To all those who don't celebrate Christmas- Happy Tuesday.

With much love and lots of hugs to all*,
Barbara Anne

* yup, even the wreckerators at this time of year

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

Merry Christmas, Jen and CW Team! Love ya'll bunches.

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKellyH

Cake Wrecks...the Best. Gift. Ever. !! Merry Christmas to the CW Team and all my fellow wreckies(or Happy Tuesday...or Happy Wednesday... depending upon what you may or may not celebrate and where you live...)

PS...and thank you for the extra present this year of adding Sharyn to the CW Team!!

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

Wow, that middle one - suicide bomber Santa, post-bomb. What a literally bloody mess.

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterthalwen

Thank you for giving me the gift of laughter every time I check this blog. Merry Christmas, and blessings throughout the year to all of you!

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Merry Christmas!

And now I have to ask -- are you a Capitol Steps fan? Or is that comment just coincidence?

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCam

Boy, that Bass-Ackwards Santa in #4, sheesh!! Happy Holidays, everybody!! Thanks for the X-mas post, Jen! Great topper to our Xmas morning - I gave *both* your books to my daughter, who squealed with delight, hugged me tight, and then put them (& me) aside to play her new Sims game. Which meant I got to spend the whole morning reading your fantastic books! Heeheehee! My plan worked *perfectly*! Mwah haha hah! Now I just regret missing your book tours! Can we have a CakeWrecks Con sometime, please?! But *not* in Dallas, right?! Yes, I read that part - EEEKKK!!! OMG!!! See, my degree's in microbiology, so I *know* what sepsis is & what its survival rate is as well... (which is not much!) I'm thankful you didn't swear off book tours or cake wrecks right then & there!!

Gotta go now, hubby's bugging me - we're going to see those pesky (& some not-so-pesky) in-laws of mine & he doesn't like to be late for some odd reason...Happy Hole Days again, everybody!!

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

And a Merry Christmas to you two as well! Thank you for making me laugh every day! Love you guys xo

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermichelej

@mel -- Aw, thanks! Each of your posts is a gift. Merry Freaking Christmas -- and Happy Tuesday!

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Merry Christmas and thank you so much for the laughs (sometimes through tears!) throughout the year!

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjulie

Jen, thanks for the bonus post!

#1 I'm worried about what this one will do when the cover is removed.

#2 Santa dude! Nice rose! The epic poem says something about his mouth being tied up with a bow if I recall (haven't checked Wikipedia yet), so I guess those could be strings...

#3 "Dashing through the swon..."

#4 I was almost distracted successfully from the nascent ribbon, metal-and-tinsel-on-cake food safety EPCOT. Almost.

Given that the way the boots are pointing agrees with the, er, 'cleavage' and working up from there, I'd have to say that the "confusing torso anatomy" is actually a backpack, which doesn't bode well for the neck. I have to wonder why the suit and the 'skin' are the same color and why the, er, 'cleavage' is so well defined...

#5 Because if you spell it out, someone might get offended.

#6 Vinnie might need to consider whether going directly from cabbie to cake decorator was really a wise career move.

The CW team, the Wreckporters and my fellow commenters: Thank you all for the often-needed laughs during the past year.

Merry Christmas and may 2013 have all the sprinkles anyone could want. Well, okay, some could really use some actual rain. But not too much at one time.

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I'm afraid Santa can't join us this year, Timmy. He got stuck in the Jones's chimney.

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Okay, "Kiester on the front Santa" is disturbing enough as is, but is that a used latex glove or, ahem, something else latex (that also looks used) between Santa's legs. Because, ewww! I can't even see the cake anymore, just that wadded up, discarded...whatever the latex it is. Ugh!
Merry Christmas, CW! Thanks for the laughs. And the occasional upset stomach. And the drink spews on my computer monitor. It's been a wrecky 2012 and looking forward to more in 2013!

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

Merry Christmas, everyone!

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermillbrit

That wasn't Santa's kiester. Santa's appendix blew out, and took his duodenum with it.

You're welcome.

Happy/Merry/Splendiferous Whatever!

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBadKarma

Merry Freaking Christmas to each and every one of you! (or Happy Tuesday/Wednesday if that's your thing!)
Jen, John (Thoj), Lindsey and one of my favoritest people in the whole wrecky universe SHARYN!
And mel, and Barbara Anne and Craig and Haiku Joy and KarateLady and... well, you get the point, right? You guys all make up that one bright spot I can always count on every day.

Off to go check on the 25 lb roast beast currently getting a tan in my oven... All for the 5 people that will be here to eat it! Oy!!!

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

What? You people don't like the Playgirl Santafold on cake 4? Tastefully attired in his utility belt and booties, looking over one shoulder at us with his hip cocked and the opposite arm on his hip?

No? Well, I agree that the wreckerator did make his head turn just a leeettle too far over his shoulder, making him appear to be part owl in how far he can turn his head....but still - that sexy little tushie and those little booties!

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLady Kal

Merry Christmas to all of you! Thank you for another fabulous year of wreckie goodness!

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

The kissing cake looks like someone really puckered up.

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLaura Saxon

Ah, the discarded, latex-looking whatever-that-thing-is. Because that wreck didn't already have enough safety issues. *Now* my Christmas is complete.

If anyone needs to talk to me, I'll be tinkering with the unsee / undirty machine. Looks like both functions will be needed, though it might be difficult to match the suction of that particular wreck.

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

@ Sandy - OMG! You're right!!! I went back & zoomed in and WTF?!!! It does look like some used latex thing! Just keep thinking "It's just a glove"..."It's just a glove"..."It's just a glove"...

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

Merry Christmas to the CW team and all my fellow commenters! Maybe I'm totally weird but even though I'm not likely to ever meet most of you, you're all pretty special to me. If we could choose our family members I'd choose all of you!

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

KarateLady, Sandy and Craig: Don't worry, that's just Santa's prolapsed lower bowel...
I guess that didn't actually make it better, did it?

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBadKarma

OH OH Dear, Merry Chistmas everybody!

December 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDancesWithSpatulas

Today's #4 could star with yesterday's 'cat food' wreck in the long-dreaded sequel to 'American Pie': American Cake.

December 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Well Santa looks like it literally took a lot out of him this year considering his poor rear looks really disgusting lol. Sheesh. I always knew wreckerators could ruin Christmas cakes and this years didn't prove me wrong. Wow. Merry Christmas everyone!!

December 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Merry Christmas to the Cake Wrecks Family and the loyal readers who bring joy to my day and keep me sane throughout the year!


December 26, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh524

I'm no doctor, but I think that Santa needs some meds. Imodium?

December 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

That santa Claus cake mad me seriously consider dealing with my eyeballs (and maybe my visual cortex) with a melon baller.

On that note:

You better not shout, you better not squirm /
The little old man is holding you firm /
Santa Claus is going to town!

December 26, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterrocketride

Is it just me or does St. Nick look a bit more like St. Peter?

December 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterThatDeborahGirl

@rocketride - OK, now I *REALLY* need Craig's unsee machine - but good!

@BadKarma - *No*, it DIDN'T.

@Jodee in WA - You included me by name! *GASP.* I'm official! I matter! I...really need to get out more! ;-)
(Seriously, thank you *so* much for including me in your Merry Xmas message! Hope your roast beast was a hit!)

December 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

Dear Christmas Elves,
Thank you forever for Cake Wrecks.
Amen and amen.

December 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>