My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Pucker Up, St. Patrick!

Friends, tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, and that means you're going to be facing down a drunken horde wearing funny green hats and demanding that you kiss them. [KISS ME]

But I'm here to help. [KISS ME NOW!]


First, you should know that alcohol has a way of reducing inhibitions, and also that Oscar here may have sniffed a little too much finger paint yesterday:

"Let's get trashed!!"


Second, just because a person is Irish doesn't mean you have to kiss them.

I'm getting some mixed signals here, to be honest.

Hey, this is a free country! You can kiss any one or any thing you want! Still, there are a few red flags to watch for when deciding whether or not someone is worthy of the ol' lip lock.

Things like...

Noticeable drool:

"The claaaawww."


Excessive, creepy staring:

"Your hide will make a fine poncho!"


Excessive, creepy tongue:

"Yiiiiipth yipth yipth yipth yipth yipth..."


Now let's run through a quick role-playing exercise, so I can show you how to gracefully escape any awkward kissing-negotiation situation:

Hopeful Would-Be Kisser:

"Well hello there." [eyebrow waggle] "As you can see by my funny green hat and pipe, I am obviously Irish! So you have to kiss me!"

[puckering up and leaning in]


Unenthusiastic Kiss Avoidee:

[ **** ]


Newly Unnerved Would-Be Kisser:

"Oh...uh...I say! Look at that thing over there that I have to go attend to immediately! Er...nice... meeting you?"


See? Works every time! And this is a fool-proof strategy, because it places you squarely in the "excessive creepy staring" category, which no one wants to tangle with.

Just be careful you don't take it too far:

On the plus side, he won every staring contest. Consecutively.


Thanks to Renee B., Kristen S., Meredith B., Darice & Sean, Anony M., Chris, Pamela H., June S., & Jaycee for the lucky break.

« THERE WILL BE NO "HAPPY" | Main | Jen's Top Ten Sham-Wrecks »

Reader Comments (68)

Hmmm. I have some leftover, unfrosted cakes in the freezer from Valentine's day. What to do??? I know, I will decorate them to look like creepy leprachauns and sell them for St. Patrick's day. Perfect!

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

Ugh, the excessive tongue one will stick with me -thanks. D:

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Help, please! The little blobby messes must be a THING right? I mean, otherwise, why would so many wreckerators make them? Why??

What is that thing? Women and children screaming: "My God What is that THING???"

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTricia

I, too, am wondering how three different bakeries came up with green, bell-shaped creatures that rather resemble Slimer from Ghostbusters to represent St. Patrick's Day? I mean... Couldn't we just to snakes... like, running away?

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKara

I have to admit I found the first one cute. But those "yipth" bird things look like they are throwing up.

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRamey

I think the monster/frog/green thumb thing is kinda cute.

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoAnna

I knew about leprechauns, but I didn't know Slimer was a symbol of St. Patrick's Day.

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterD. B.

I dunno about leprechauns, but the "blobby green things" look like perverted cookie monsters.

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterOldish Lady

I'm with Tricia. Why is the slimer from GhostBusters a St. Pat's thing? The first one was a marvelous GhostBusters cake, but I cannot comprehend why it's a St. Pat's cake. Or why there are others. Drooling, tongue-wagging, others.

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStacie

Yipth-yipth feeding time -
Maternal baker supplies

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

This is the funniest yet!! (But maybe I'm biased because I'm Irish!) I am crying with laughter. Thank you so much!!

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFinona


March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMary Connealy

Wow. I really don't know whether to run screaming from these nightmare-inducing horrors or hide in a dark closet and weep quietly. Either way, I'll avoid the kissing!

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGrnEyes6

I love the Muppet/Sesame Street references! (yip, yip,yip)

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMyra

I find it unsettling that with just a little change in the eyebrows and mouth of the two butt-faced (heart) leprachauns, they look totally different, yet still very creepy.

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJen B

"Basic Instructions" link FTW.

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

I thought the leprechaun was hiding behind the scary thing in cake #8, then I realized cake #8 was the leprechaun! Yikes.
Kiss me, I'm scared of Irish cakes.

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

Oh my goodness, I've got tears streaming down my face from laughing! (or rather, from shaking with suppressed laughter so as not to disrupt the coworkers). Loving it!

Also, to Haiku Joy, you've outdone yourself today ;)

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda H

Star-crossed leprechaun,
what makes your blue eyes blue? Your
nose like an inchworm?

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

"Toy Story" AND "The Muppet Show" references in ONE POST... Jen, YOU ROCK!!!

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

I guess tongues causes the Yipth, Yipth lisp?

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRilekat

Trippy-tongued, drug-eyed
groupies: with Gems like these, who
needs the seventies?

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Why are the slugs from "Flushed Away" on cakes for St. Patrick's Day?

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFM

I read the comments hoping to know what the green blobby deals were. Am I on the backside of some crazy trend? Someone needs to enlighten the masses!

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Yikes. That rainbow looks like it was made from modeling clay.

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBetty

Bakers will do anything to use those heart shaped cake pans. Also, I have never been embarassed to be Irish before but I am now.

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEvie_M

The leprechaun faces on the heart cakes look like Amish men with green hats. Which does *not* make them any more kissable.

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterstaying anon.

xD I laughed so hard at "the claaaaaw"
That was probably my favorite wreck post ever :D

Thanks Jen for lots of laughs!

@Haiku Joy: Nice one 8D

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterElsie

Love, love, love the shoutout to Basic Instructions on cake 5!

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDaisy

I'm sure it was unintentional, but I have to admit, trashed Oscar makes me laugh. I'd buy him.

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Thanks commenter for the awesome band name "The Perverted Cookie Monsters" I can imagine our first hit...

Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip....
Pi-ping Ba-ag! Pi-ping Ba-ag!
Yip Yip Yip Yip Yip....

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDramman

The cakes for the would be kisser reminded me of the Jenna Marbles YouTube video "How to Avoid Talking to People You Don't Want to Talk to" - you give them the Face!

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDianna

This post provided some much-needed laughs... thanks, Jen! :)

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Haiku Joy is on a roll!!!

I, for one, am happily mesmerized by the little "Gems".

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

LOVE the Yip Yip goodies! Bwahahahah

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChocoMare

Is it just me or does the eighth one look like he was made from using one of those play dough toys that you stick the play dough and and push down? And my personal favorite is the creepy tongues. lol I mean what is that suppose to be anyway?

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTerrie

Gusts of pure luck
blow green fleas off of Oscar.
Whoosh! And his hat, too!

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Those green blobby things are cupcake "frogs". Apparently they are a revival of some kind of nostalgic bakery concoction from years past.

I think they are kind of cute (if done right).

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFerralyn

I think the 'pipe face' ones were leftover from Valentines day. I can imagine the conversation at the bakery now:
'Boss, those valentines cakes are going a bit green...want me to bin them?'
'No, No, never bin good cake.'
'Well what should we do, boss?'
'Green? hmmm' *thinking furiously*
'Got it kid, make it a St. Patrick's day cake. No-one will see the green and they'll all be too drunk to taste the mould.'
'You sure boss?'
'Do it, Kid, DO IT NOW!!' *evil laughter*
At least that's what I hope happened, because if not, those are some fugly cakes!!

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnnaMontana

So, I'm the only one who sees beaks instead of tongues for the "yipth yipth" cakes? They're little birds... probably still no kissing there, but they're not as bad as some of the other truly scary ones.

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

OMGG are those frogs!!!???? And what ARE those things with the tongues!?

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterValerie

The "yipth" monsters remind me of a character from Sesame Street (possibly only on the Canadian version) of aliens with mouths that flapped... can't remember what they're called, or if I'm just being delusional in trying to make sense of them.

St. Patrick would be crying into his green beer over these wrecks!

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermistiqueallie

I loved the excessive creepy tongue ones! I would totally buy the one right in the middle.

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterblue42

That rainbow on the 3rd cake looks like it was made upside down - maybe it was I don't know- but I have never seen a rainbow with colors in THAT order!

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLauraG

He won so many staring competitions that his eyes are now bleeding...

(Hey, mystiqueallie, I took those sound effects to be what those dudes from Sesame Street say!...yipyipyip...ahaw ahaw...)

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMerryHanukkah

#1 I'm glad -- in a not-at-all sort of way -- that the Mucinex monster* has branched out from hideous TV commercials and now infests cakes as well.

*Awaiting enlightenment as to what his name might be.

#3 The wreckerator had some violet Play-Doh, but not indigo. Yor B. Gvi won't like that.

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Really? Is rainbow order so difficult? Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple! Sorry.. pet peeve...ROYGBP people UNITE!

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen S

This blog is FANTASTIC! I love it! But I need some help finding a previous post. Can someone tell me the title of the post with the Titanic theme song lyrics rewritten to match the wrecks? I want to sing it & show the pictures for a comedy talent show but I can't find the post! Please help! Thank you!

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHannah Marie

Please, Wreckerator, pipe that last guy some eyelids! For the love of frosting, let him BLINK!

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

I think the last one is a lepre-clown.

March 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

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