Friends, tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, and that means you're going to be facing down a drunken horde wearing funny green hats and demanding that you kiss them. [KISS ME]
But I'm here to help. [KISS ME NOW!]
First, you should know that alcohol has a way of reducing inhibitions, and also that Oscar here may have sniffed a little too much finger paint yesterday:
"Let's get trashed!!"
Second, just because a person is Irish doesn't mean you have to kiss them.
I'm getting some mixed signals here, to be honest.
Hey, this is a free country! You can kiss any one or any thing you want! Still, there are a few red flags to watch for when deciding whether or not someone is worthy of the ol' lip lock.
Excessive, creepy staring:
Excessive, creepy tongue:
"Yiiiiipth yipth yipth yipth yipth yipth..."
Now let's run through a quick role-playing exercise, so I can show you how to gracefully escape any awkward kissing-negotiation situation:
Hopeful Would-Be Kisser:
"Well hello there." [eyebrow waggle] "As you can see by my funny green hat and pipe, I am obviously Irish! So you have to kiss me!"
[puckering up and leaning in]
Unenthusiastic Kiss Avoidee:
[ **** ]
Newly Unnerved Would-Be Kisser:
"Oh...uh...I say! Look at that thing over there that I have to go attend to immediately! Er...nice... meeting you?"
See? Works every time! And this is a fool-proof strategy, because it places you squarely in the "excessive creepy staring" category, which no one wants to tangle with.
Just be careful you don't take it too far:
On the plus side, he won every staring contest. Consecutively.
Thanks to Renee B., Kristen S., Meredith B., Darice & Sean, Anony M., Chris, Pamela H., June S., & Jaycee for the lucky break.