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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Jul012013

Happy Canada Day!

Every day here in Florida, I step out of my house and immediately burst into a flop sweat. (This is john (the hubby of Jen) btw. Jen doesn't flop sweat, she flop glistens.) And as I stand there, shoes melting to the asphalt, freckled skin sizzling, I wonder for the umpteenth time why I haven't moved to Canada.

And speaking of Canada... [Look, it's just too hot for clever segues.]

Today is Canada Day! So in honor of this, my future national holiday, I present to you:

The 5 Worst Canadian Flag Cakes Followed By A Misspelling!

This is the Canadian flag:

So symmetrical. So lovely.

 

So...

...close.

Just a little melty along the edges.
(Kinda like how I feel.)

 

Now, this. This is...

Inexplicable.

 

Maybe it would look better in fondant?

Nope.

 

Is it me or does this remind anyone else of Richard Nixon?

"I am [shaking jowls] not a cake!"

 

And this is obviously The Majestic Canada Bush®

Or maybe a red cat in a wind tunnel. One of the two.

 

And now, the only misspelling of Canada I have in 21,000 cakes:

Still not as bad as SUA.

 

Let me leave you with the most amazing pastry I've ever eaten and the reason that I literally gained 8 pounds in 3 days while in Ottawa:

And I would totally do it again.

Happy Canada Day!

 

Thanks to Jim P., Julie J., Megan W., Michaelle P., Nicole K., Shaunna, and Brian B. for bearing with me today. This'll teach Jen not to get sick, forcing me to write a post at 2 in the morning.

« ...and so fourth | Main | Sunday Sweets: Drama Queens »

Reader Comments (72)

That last flag reminds me of a Pokemon...just can't remember which one....

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMarv

I do know why we haven't moved to Canada yet: we (1) haven't saved up enough money, and (2) aren't willing to give up our prons. Nice to see that, judging by National Big Red Splat Day cakes, it's not such a different place from the Empire Formerly Known As The US.

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

Oh, I see what's wrong with the "CANDA" cake!

It's missing an "eh".

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

*Insert gratuitous beaver joke here*

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Hey thanks from Canada's capital, we love you up here! Yeah beaver trails are so good and so awful all at once. My faves are Killaloe sunrise (white sugar and lemon juice), classic (cinnamon sugar) and parmesan garlic butter. But if you're in the mood for a diabetes heart attack, you can get one with maple spread, nutella, and reeses pieces. Btw, if you're in Vancouver you can get the same thing in a more triangular shape, but it's called a whale's tail.

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermachine girl

I remember when Canada in EPCOT had beaver tails...they were so tasty. Then they disappeared :(

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMeghan

These weren't nearly as bad as US wrecks. (At least I could tell what they were putting on the cake!) I guess the wreckerators in Canada are a step above those in the US!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDrockbox

It took me a minute to see Nixon, but THAT'S TOTALLY IT.

Also, Sharyn, nailed it as always :-)

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

...you'd think by now they'd learn to just leaf it alone and try something else....

@Canadian Wreckies: Happy Canada Day!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

...you'd think by now they'd learn to just leaf it alone and try something else....

@Canadian Wreckies: Happy Canada Day!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

...you'd think by now they'd learn to just leaf it alone and try something else....

@Canadian Wreckies: Happy Canada Day!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

Poems are made by poets, good grief,
But only God can make a leaf...

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Sorry to hear Jen is not feeling well. Wishing her a quick recovery!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKathryn

I live 45 minutes from Vancouver. You know what that means??? Another Canadian long weekend, that's what it means. It also means that if I plan to go to Costco or Walmart I better do it today before I can't find a parking spot!

Seriously tho, I totally see the cat in a windstorm. o.O

And @Sharyn? You totally beat me to it!

Ok, off to enjoy my nice cool air conditioned office while the youngest girl child melts her summer away at home. :-)

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

I like the random apostrophe on the second cake.

Cana'Da sounds like some kind of noble title from GoT.

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Thanks for the Canada Day post, eh! We Canadian Wreckies sure love our Beaver Tails :) One of the best things about Canada is that WE have GeekSweets and all her awesomeness.

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

The third cake made me think the leaf had aspirations of being a cheerleader.

"yaaaAAAAY CANADA!"
*spirit fingers*

Then, John (thoJ) totally topped me with cake #4.

@Sharyn - Bravo.

Jen, get to feeling better. Nothing worse than being sick in hot and humid weather. :6

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

The fondant cake doesn't look bad to me. The leaf tips are a little out of proportion, but hardly wrecky.

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

@Sharyn and SuBee: lol...good work!
@Jon (thoj) sorry for the three-peat...computer acting up
@Jen -- hope you're feeling better soon...like immediately!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

Thank you John for posting today. After not seeing a "Steampunk Saturday", my kids and I were starting to worry :)

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKristin

GAH!!! Slap me with a Beaver Tail!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMiggs

I have lived in Canada all of my life. I'm in Calgary right now and I would just like to move somewhere with no mosquitoes.

As for the flag, the maple leaf depicted on it is notoriously hard to draw. Just ask any kid with a pencil crayon and a social studies report cover. Of course if I were a professional cake decorator I might try some professional tool. Like a stencil. Or trace a printed out flag.

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKaralynn Shields

@SaraV: *spirit fingers* Snort!

@John(thoJ): Thanks for feeding the wild CW beasts! Well done. It's been quite hot here in the SoCal, too. But it's a dry heat. ; D You made me laugh with the "...flop glistens" line. Teehee! I didn't see it at first, but now I DO see the Nixon...on a steeek!

@Jen: Feel better, Dear. I hear an iced butter beer is nice on a hot day. I now have all the ingredients and plan to try making some. If it's a tummy bug(I don't care how old you are, if you are sick, it's called a 'tummy') you've got, then perhaps a nice ginger ale. I'm sure John is taking excellent care of you though, and you don't need my input.

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

the mind boggles...

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

@ Sharyn HAHaa! ...missing an 'eh'! :D

Cake # 1 is one of the few times I've seen our flag messed up in that fashion....usually its the maple leaf that has gained/lost points....not that the border is too narrow (I know I've managed to make various incorrect versions of the maple leaf....that 11-point leaf is surprisingly hard to draw - especially for a non-artist)

Apparently, the mint agrees with this because when they minted our new "paper" (ie polymer) bills, they included a Norwegian maple leaf on our $20 bill...the main difference being that is has MORE points...it caused a bit of a stir up here...

Happy Canada Day / Happy Monday to everyone!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

I saw Nixon and heard "I am not a cake" in Nixon's voice. Now I feel old. =(

You would think that some enterprising company in Canada would have mass-produced a set of graduated sizes of maple leaf cookie cutters or something like that by now. I think John (thoJ) should get right on that...a wonderful addition to the Pan-Wow family of products!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCarrieG

I love the Richard Nixon one. That's my favorite.

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNagzilla

Here in New England (next door to Canada, BTW), we don't call them beaver tails - we just call them what they are: "fried dough." They are completely unhealthy, but who cares?? :-)

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJules

HAH!! TOTALLY Nixon on that leaf! And it has a hole in it...sorta like Tricky's alibis.
The fondant one looks like someone pulled a gun on it and yelled,"Reach for the sky!"
=^e.e^=
@Marv--
Maybe Picachu? Except he was yellow.

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Just an FYI, there isn't a glacier starting at the border. Depending on where you are in Canada, it's stupidhot during the summer as well. Maybe not *as* hot as Florida, but Toronto will happily sit between 30-35C all summer long.

If you move more north, there's still incredibly hot days but because it's not normal or often, you're less likely to have air conditioning. Very few people had AC in their houses in my hometown since it was hard to justify installing central air in the house for the one week a year that you needed it.

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterseejay

Ha! Nixon! Absolutely!
As soon as I saw that fondant one "hands up, baby hands up..." stared playing through my head.

John, the Beaver Tails aren't entirely to blame for the weight gain. As soon as any person crosses the border into Canada their metabolism automatically slows down to help them prepare for the eight months of winter we enjoy here. That and there is poutiine.

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

@Jules: Right you are! Fried dough it is! I'm a New Englander, too (Vt.).I'll have a little maple syrup on my fried dough, as long as it's c grade. I don't like the "fancy" stuff. The cruder it is the better, in my book.
=^~.~^=

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

to Marv: It kind of reminds me of a cindequil's back, but there are a lot of pokemon it could be.

I would also like to say I absolutely LOVE the fact that the fourth flag cake looks like it was trying (Key word; trying) to replicate the third flag cake, which I'm guessing is trying to replicate the Canadian flag... hm...

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterheather

Richard Nixon nearly made me fall out of my chair, laughing. Thank you!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

I live outside of Vancouver, in the beautiful Fraser Valley, and it is supposed to be 95 degrees today. I hate hot summer days! I am very thankful for our air conditioner :)

FYI @Jodee Costco is always closed on Canada Day, so don't bother going there!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKit

First, 'get well' wishes to Jen.

Second, I would like to be preemptively offended on behalf of anyone who isn't. You know, to show how diverse I am and stuff. But I shan't be, because I am celebrating a lull in summertime temperatures. Yes, it has dipped into the 90s in SoCal on the first day of July. So you people with your silly daytime high temps that just make it into the 80s (you know who you are), I wear a sweater in your general direction.

Third, would beaver tails be by any chance -- deep-fried? I haven't checked Wiki yet.

Fourth, a Wally World excursion requires at least three days: Day one: find parking spot. Day two: get in and out. Day three: eat perishables you bought the previous day when your brain decided to overlook the important fact that refrigeration was at least 24 hours away, find car and go home.

On-topic content: The funniest thing about the 'Nixon' one is the presence of exemplars in the corners. What happened in the middle?

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

"From the makers of Pan-Wow(tm) comes The Leafinator(tm)!!!

Do your Canadian friends always laugh at your attempts to draw the Canadian flag freehand?

Do your feelings of inadequacy cause you to invent new words like "Cana'Da"?

Do you suffer from the heartache of Psoriasis?!??!!

WELL, NO MORE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!

With the Leafinator(tm) your Canadian Maple Leaves will come out perfect, EVERY TIME!!!!!!! !! !

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Nixon's silhouette
reaches for the cakey sky.
Darn that checkered past!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

That second cake, the one with the Game of Thrones name on it, is not trying to be the Canadian flag at all. Apparently the crest of the Cana'Da clan is a red handprint turkey. They are probably the ones who initiated the Red Wedding theme. Of course, if this is true, the cake is still a wreck.

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLDM

We lived in Canada for three years. Our son was born there and still tries to get out of chores every July 1 (it's a national holiday!) even though we are back in the U.S. We love you, Canada! Happy Canada Day!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterOhmygoodness

Today is also my birthday! I'm extremely happy to share a day with Canada!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJenna

@Craig: "...I wear a sweater in your general direction." HAHA!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

Be well, Jen!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

At least no one wrote "Happy Candida Day". That would go perfectly with, um, beaver tails. (I can't believe I just wrote that.)

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLasteven

@Kit ~ The one in Bellingham is still open. I live 45 minutes south. Sorry, I didn't specify :-)
@Craig ~ In my defense it was 92 at my house yesterday. ;-)

Thanks john (thoJ) and everybody else. Now I have "I am not a cake" in Nixon's voice on repeat in my head.

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

"...that checkered past!"

@ Haiku Joy : Good...VERY good!! I wag my ears to you! V. .V
=^~.~^=

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

@ Craig: ( Re:" the 'Nixon' one" and "What happened in the middle?")

It seems obvious to me that there's been a security breach of sorts! Maybe even a break-in!! *GASP*
=^0.0^=

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Cake #4 is totally a King cake, doing the 'horns' - maybe it's at a rock concert (in celebration of Canada Day)!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMC from NZ

John - thanks for the Canada Day post! I can sympathise with these decorators, I never could draw a proper maple leaf. Happy Canada Day to my fellow Canucks! Je souhaite a tous et toutes une joyeuse fete du Canada. Feel better soon Jen!

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

They look like what we have around here in Indiana. But we call them "elephant ears" and are sold at nearly every carnival. You can make your own (though not quite as good), by taking a can of biscuits and stretching each of them out into a big flat circle, as far as you can, then deep fry them. When a light golden brown you put sugar and cinnamon (or what ever toppings you want) on them.

July 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRags

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