My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

...and so fourth

Note from john (the hubby of Jen): Today's post is from 4 years ago and is surprisingly appropriate with Jen's current state of ickiness. Hope you like it. Jen should be back soon.

With Jen currently sprawled on the couch surrounded by remotes and souped up on Darvoset, I figured it would be nice of me not to make her write a post today. She still has to make dinner of course - hey, it's not like it's gonna make itself! - but sometimes sacrifices like these are required to make a marriage work. ("Hey babe? Those potatoes are looking a little lumpy...Just sayin'.")

But seriously, *heh* we've gotten a whole bunch of Fourth of July cakes and it would be a shame not to share them. "Would you say we have a plethora of cakes?" you ask. Si, Elguapo, si.

Allow me to start with what I like to call a "wait...what?" cake:

Let's take it step by step here:

1. Start with an airbrush. 'Cuz ya gos ta show off yo mad skillz.

2. Realize you don't know how to do anything but wonky lines with said airbrush.

3. Pull out trusty icing bag and try to fake us all out with hastily splooged border and stars.

4. Add red, white and blue sprinkles to distract viewers from step #2.


Next we have donuts:

Yes, doughnuts. Because they were feeling left out of all the patriotic splooging. On a side note, I've seen my share of brightly colored icing before but this stuff makes me want to chuck it in a lead barrel and bury it in a mountain somewhere.


Remember the days when decorators would at least try to make a CCC (hwok...hwok...snort...ptooie!) look like something?

Pepperidge Farms remembers. I particularly like the blue over spray on the cake board here for that extra special "Meh, who gives a flying squirrel?"* touch.


And finally,

If you think I'm going to touch this with a ten-foot pole, you've got another think coming.**


Thanks to Sarah C., Lesli W., Gilian, and Amy G.and everyone else for bearing with us on Jen's day of woozyloopytudeness. She should be back soon - same bat time, same bat channel - so stay tuned.

*See? Look how family-friendly I am!

**Ok, never mind.

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Reader Comments (44)

Most definitely a plethora of splooging.

Feel better soon, Jen!

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

My daughter passing as I gazed upon the last cake:
"Oh, it's supposed to be fireworks. That's unfortunate."

Jen, I hope you're feeling more fortunate real soon!!

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Jen, hope you get to feeling better soon - so you can whack John (thoj) for expecting dinner. LOL

Just noting, but the first cake is incorrect in the fact that the top row of the flag should be red. If you aren't going to get that one right, feel free to wreckarate in a different country! Not LOL.

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLUVACOP

1.That cake is in surprisingly good condition for one that was made when there were only 10 states in the Union.
2.You do ("...bury it in a mountain somewhere"), and I'm calling the EPA!
3.No, no, no--that was DELIBERATE! For, you know, "effect." The effect, okay. Carry on.
4.Well, it's like I've always said: "A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste."

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Actually, it's supposed to be "You've got another THINK coming". Really! Meaning I'll let you try again to get your thought right.

[Editor's note- Ya know what's funny? I actually knew that but I'm so used to people saying "thing" that it came naturally to write it that way. Huh. Thanks for the heads up! -john (thoJ)]

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPaula

Oh, John. You did a great job, as always, except for one thing. It's another "think" not "thing". You have another think coming. Okay. I'm done being a jerk. Wreck on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkathy

Hope Jen feels better soon! And I have truly wondered how you spell "hwok, hwok," so thank you for that!

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLeigh Ann

What is even going on in these what is hapening? PS OH NO GET BETTER We need to take this sick crud in a lead barrel and bury it in a mountain somewhere

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

While we prepare to celebrate America’s Independence, it is fitting to take a look at a little known bit of American cake history so often ignored by history books. Many people are familiar with the Jamestown colony, but it is the expedition some 22 years earlier that concerns us. In 1854 Queen Elizabeth granted Sir Walter Raleigh a charter so he could colonize North America. As he was gathering his crews, another group of people decided to seek their fortune in this new world. A small, but skilled, group of Master Bakers had been experimenting with various methods of covering plain cakes, but had had little success in convincing the public that this was a good thing. Wrote one Baker, “The cold looks we have been getting would frost most.” In a subtle jab at their detractors, the Bakers then decided to call their new covering “frosting.” Hoping the new world would offer them an opportunity to practice with impunity, the Master Bakers, families, and a few friends, sought to rent a French ship, Les Fondant, and join the expedition. However, at the last minute, there were several cancellations, and the group was able to go on one of Raleigh’s ships, the Roebuck. (This ship also contained a group of people with the gift of foresight, who were listed on the ship assignment sheet as a group: seers, Roebuck.)

In order to keep their mission a secret – fearing repercussions if people knew they were the “frosting” folks – the Bakers said they were looking to develop new flours. Immediately, the others welcomed who they thought were botanists. (In a side note, because of their continuing consumption of cake, these folks tended to be a little on the broad side…thus pre-dating the 1960’s considerably with their hippy, flour power movement.) In a cruel twist of fate, the captain overheard the Bakers talking about their real reason for the voyage, and, in his confusion put them in charge of keeping the ship’s food chilled, since he believed them to be skilled at icing.

Unfortunately, the ship ran into a sandbar, and shoal enough, got stuck, while the rest of the ships remained afloat. This was right near the Outer Banks, which were closed at the time. (This was the navigator, Marie’s error, but you couldn’t teller anything.) So, they had to wait until they opened in the morning and hoped the outgoing currency would float them alone from the mud.

They continued on their journey, but ended up one island away from their destination. The water was too shallow to get the ships any closer, so they pondered their predicament. One astute sailor noticed the tall hardwood trees all around and immediately began to cut some down and hollow out the large logs. “I need some assistance,” he said to the others. “Canoe help me?” he axed. More soon joined in. “But how will we get to the other island, where we can establish our colony?” asked one of the men.

The seasoned sailor pointed at the hollow logs and said, “Row an oak.”

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

Jen, I hope you feel better soon. Here is a sick day story to make you smile:

I had the BEST SICK DAY EVER last week. I was on the Disney Fantasy (already you are jealous) and I came down with a tummy bug. :( They quarantined me in my room for 24 hours. So sad for me, right? Not at all! I used to live in India, so this tummy bug was nothing. They gave me some pills, room service and friendly calls every now and then to see if I was ok. I was living the high life! My parents, brother & hubby took my 3 kids - let me emphasize this - 3 LITTLE KIDS - to a beach somewhere on Costa Maya, while I painted my nails on the veranda while staring at the beautiful sea, took a 3 hour nap and watched free Disney movies in my room. That may have been the highlight of my vacation. And it was an awesome vacation - Disney Cruise: Need I say more? (I think that should be their cruise line motto.)

Anyway, here's hoping your sick day is as mild and relaxing as mine was, and that your lovely hubby waits on you like a Disney Fantasy crew member. Get well soon!

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTricia

Re: "thing"/"think": I say, "Eh--What's in a word?" ["What's in a name? that which we call a rose/By any other name would smell as sweet.." etc.~Bill Shakespeare].I think it's entirely subjective. I say it one way sometimes, and the other way another time. Just to, you know, "mix it up" a bit.(I have waaaay too much time on my hands.) Besides, what's it got to do with CAKE? Let's focus on the IMPORTANT crap!

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

@mel --- WELL DONE. I don't know what is higher than a BOOyah! but when you get more than three puns in a row (add'l points for working them into casual conversation) than that is what I award you. With sprinkles. Under neat that: congrtudalutions

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Feel good and lol@the cakes

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Wow-that was awesome!! I bet I would've paid more attention in history class if YOU'd been the teacher! (The way it was, it was all the class could do to stay conscious. Even the flies buzzing in and out of everyone's mouths fell asleep.)

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

"Pepperidge Farms remembers." is just one of the many reasons we love you john (thoJ)!
@sending ~ Your comment about the first mess reminds me of the cookie someone mentioned a few months ago that lasted like 20 years or something. You're right, it is impressively well preserved!
@mel ~ I have no idea how you do it but can I just come hang out with you for a little while? I totally less than 3 you! ;-)

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

@mel: You, sir, are more informative than Wikipedia. I salute you!!

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

@mel: Consider me awed. I am a fan.

Jen: Get well soon!!

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

Feel better soon, Jen!

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteramanda*p

Alternate title: "Red, white and bleh."

I'd feel sick too if I stared at the wrecks (or God forbid ate one). Feel better soon, Jen.

Btw, kicking my spouse when he says or does something insensitive (or really, any time) always makes me feel a wee bit better. :-)

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJ.

Stars on the first Wreck are actually tiny white gingerbread people doing jumping jacks and running.


July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

Get well soon Jen!!

John, I totally laughed at the Three Amigos ref, but you had me at "Pepperidge Farm remembers." And mel, you are fantastically talented. I'm sure I didn't even get all the references. Also, on the first cake, the white border looks like dog bones!

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdoodlebug

Elguapo, was in Romancing the Stone with lil' Pepe! Must watch that movie again too!

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBecca L

fantastic. Also I feel like I should tell you about my favorite sicky soup. Its the lemon chicken and rice soup from Athena over on 17-92 near horatio. Its truly magical and tends to not make nauseated people feel more sick.

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterginny

Get well soon, Jen. John, you'll just have to order in pizza - for *you*, not Jen! Jen needs a diet that gentle to her tummy - coconut juice to drink, bananas & other soft food to eat - yogurt, applesauce, etc. And vitamins to get the bugs out. I recommend starting with 500mg Vit C each meal & after a couple of days, up it to 1000mg a meal; also Vitamin D 10,000 units a day until she feels better, then discontinue *unless* she keeps staying indoors like she does - drop it to 5,000 a day in that case. Make sure she gets her multi-vitamin, too, and when she's back to normal, an iron supplement or enough meat to supply it.

Lastly, a shout-out to *mel* (we are SO not worthy and are SO grateful you choose to come here! :-)

Also, glad you nipped that Epcot in the bud. Honestly, I thought it *was* "another thing coming". I'm sure I've heard it several times in several places...which means that the commenters insisting on "think" must be young whippersnappers...unless I missed some famous show where somebody said "think"...this is like that hen basket vs hand basket controversy we had here awhile back....maybe I should head to the bunker anyway & check on Theardare...unless sendingtheclowns would like to do it... :-)

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

You almost lost me at "master bakers"...I got a giggling fit while drinking my coffee and was nearly killed.
(I know, I have a filthy mind, and this is a "family-friendly" place...Well, sort of. But hey--a filthy mind is a terrible thing to waste!)

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

@The Former CB:
"Stars on the first Wreck are actually tiny white gingerbread people doing jumping jacks and running."
I see them!! I actually SEE them! But now I'm worried; are they having fun, or is this some regimented, "Comrade Star number 12! You are not jumping HIGH enough!" type of thing? Inquiring (and warped) minds want to know.

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

@KarateLady ~ I'm coming to YOU the next time I get sick! ;-) Your offer to have @sendingtheclowns check on Theardare made me snort AGAIN at the front desk!

Feel better soon Jen!

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Thank you, everyone, for keeping me entertained while I was waiting, and waiting, and waiting for my doctor's appointment. Except @mel. Because your ingenious puns only added to the pain I was in already. It's not good to groan AND giggle in a waiting room, ya know?

BTW, since we're being picky with John: mel, your Queen Elizabeth must have ruled for a REALLY long time. I thought Victoria was queen in 1854. ;-)

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC


Why, I would consider it an horror and a privilege...("Heeerrre, kitty, kitteeee...")

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

@mel: I'm trying so hard to come up with a "Croatoan" pun, and failing miserably. You are the master.

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Those aren't stars - those are Chinese characters!

You sure can tell when John is authoring the captions! Won't touch it with a ten foot pole? We won't touch THAT, either!

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRadiofiesta

@Maureen: thank you for your accolade, and even more so for the sprinkles….
@sendingtheclowns: well, thanks…the worst history class I ever had was a course on the development of oil wells throughout the world…one boring thing after another…..
@Jodee: of course you can, any time! (and I’ve always wanted to be “less than 3”’d….wait…is that a polite way of saying I’m “number two”…..?
@SuBee: thanks, my usual source is Inmymindipedia….
@lisadh: awww…shucks…I appreciate your support….
@doodlebug: thanks! I do have fun here!
@KarateLady: thank you so much, but we are all are worthy of a good laugh or several, and Jen and john (thoj) have been more than kind in not only providing that for us on a daily basis, but also in letting us Wreckies post our own silliness…ok…in letting me post my silliness…and gratefulness works both ways… I am grateful for the encouraging feedback you and others provide, not only to me, but to all of us…we’re just here havin’ fun….(my goal is to get everybody to spew coffee on their keyboard at the same time….)
@TLC: so…you want bad jokes AND historical accuracy????? You are correct, Victoria was Queen then…my error was one of transposing: the date I meant was 1584, not 1854 as I wrote, the time of the expedition that ended up in Roanoke. Hopefully, the reference to Jamestown and a trip 22 years beforehand helped. And, I’m sorry I added to your pain today in the waiting room. (Not my day…wrong date and painful post….) (But thanks for saying “ingenious puns” instead of “bad puns”…..) :-)
@Sharyn: no, we’ve already established that you are the master….while I may be intermittently funny, you are consistently clever and funny…. I, too, struggled with “croatoan”…according to one source, the settlers had written both “croatoan” and “cro,” before they left, so, to tie in with my rowing bit I toyed with “cro, cro, cro your boat,” but it didn’t work for me, would have made an already long post too long, and would have required changing the story significantly, since that occurred much later. This post was already filled with too many bad puns (I got a little carried away) so I was OK with letting “cro” go.

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

Feel better, Jen!
The repeat was worthy!!

ah, mel, hard to say which was my favorite but I think "the outgoing currency would float them alone."

Did anyone else notice that the dots of icing on the last one means everything shifted? This is why the CCC Standards and Rules Commission decreed at least 7 tablespoons should be under each CC. (patooie)

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

Is it just me, or does the map of USA/flag flotsam on the CCC (patooey!) look like a fish?

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWolverine Girl

@Barbara Anne: that was a fun little section. The ships did reach the Outer Banks in one account (no banking pun intended), but it didn't say if they were open or not, so I just ...improvised.... It was a little tricky to use "alone" for "a loan" and while it sounds a little strange, I tried to set it up by saying the other ships were not stuck, so it would float them only, hence alone. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much.... Anyway, I'm always pleased when you enjoy my work; thank you!

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

to John (thoj) - Well, I couldn't stand it, so I did some research, and, SURPRISE!, the original phrase (in print, no less), is "another THINK" was later changed to THING, and if you search the literature, there are actually tons of examples of THING, but few examples using THINK. So I guess the pendulum is swinging back towards the original...

@Haiku Joy - Hey, you're the English professor - which is more grammatically correct, 'think' or 'thing'? I believe 'thing' is more correct, and that the original idiom was a play on words & used 'think' to be funny...but I'm a former science teacher/ current homeschooler, so what do I know?

July 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

@ BA - Oooohhhh! So that's why the dots were there...I thought they were part of the firework display. :-)

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

Oh man this means when I go shopping all my poor donuts are going to be horribly maimed by frosting mad wreckerators lol. Oh dear. As for these I can't even begin to think what went through the wreckerators minds when these were done. If they sold.. I can only imagine it was for the laugh value alone.

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Re: Think vs Thing

If you use a G then the entire phrase is meaningless.

"If you THINK (this) then you have another THINK coming"

aka "Think again"

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHey Nony Ne

Haiku Joy's brain is on vacation.

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

@mel: My interweb admiration for you has gone full blown stalker mode. I always love reading your posts.

Thanks, everyone, for making this site such fun!

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

The first one looks like if comes from School House Rock. Can't figure out which one, though.

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDanny

@Just Andrea -- thank you so much...I appreciate your interweb admiration..... It is a privilege to be able to play here...and hopefully contribute to the fun.

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

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