In the spirit of Angry Santa, I give you...
TERRIFIED UNCLE SAM.
"Whoah there, sonny, why don't you put down the knife and let's talk about this?"
Uncle Sam wants YOU...
... to fetch him his binky.
And check under the bed before you leave.
(And buy a Pan-Wow®)
Actually, now he's just looking sad. Geez, Sam, if I want to see a disappointed face at mealtimes I can just go back to cooking, mmkay?
Hang on, lemme see what else I've got here...
Oh, now, don't cry... I'm sorry...
Aaand we're back to terrified. Huh.
Maybe they set it in front of a mirror?
I actually kind of like this guy:
His face says, "Guys, seriously, stop it with the shaving cream already," but his hair is all, "PAR-TAY!!" And then his sideburns are like, "Lookit me, holding up this teensy flag! AMERICA. HECK YEAH." And I'm pretty sure his lips are offering me a fruit roll-up.
So, in conclusion, here's a gingerbread soldier with his head on fire being run over by a tank:
But look how HAPPY he is!
Uncle Sam? Take note.
Tanks to Meghan R., Dimitra S., Gillian H., Amber W., & Lyndi R. for the support.