My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

American Pie

Sung to “American Pie”


A long, long time ago
I can still remember...
How the good cakes used to make me smile.

But now I never get the chance

The cakes all make me look askance

I haven’t seen a good one for a while


Star-studded horse-dog makes me quiver

For that price I hope they deliver

Floral foam's a misstep

What have they done to this schlep?

How could this bring a baker pride?

Why do the squids swim side-by-side?

The frosting ran...

...when eagles cried

The day... my chiiiilllldhood... died.

I’ll buy an American pie
Heart so heavy 'cause the bevy of bad cakes make me cry

And customers stare at them wistfully and sigh


"This won't be the cake that I buy."

"This won't be the cake that I buy."


Let's sing the praises of Clayton M., Jennifer C., Jodee R., Keri G., Valerie H., Gillian H., Lori C., Louise W., L.P., Deborah O., Broukg., Courtney H., Michele T., and Tharr, even though their cakes leave us red, white and oh, so blue.

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Reader Comments (80)

You... are... a... GENIUS! Thank you for so many, many laughs!

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDiane

That's actually not bad for a crab cake. I could tell what it was supposed to be.

I'd love a lick of icing from the dog pony. Icing, yum!

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBea

Truly brilliant! Happy 4th!

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterharold

I laughed til I cried. You are amazing, and I hope you're feeling better! Happy 4th.

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermolly

I like the Small Shrub of Liberty one.

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDanny

Globetrotter reject
takes revenge with ninja arts:
Frownie shuriken.

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

at "The day... my chiiiilllldhood... died." i was laughing so hard i woke my baby who had fallen asleep on me while nursing. i should've known better than to come here with a sleeping baby.

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLcP

Because of Fear-of-earworm, I did not sing the post, but I offer my 1st thoughts upon viewing today's offerings;
1. Beware the GLOB
2. "Suffering from July 4th 2011"? fear not, there is relief.
3. … and the stars were sad.
4. Where should one put the missing decimal point?
5. Ah, the attack of the jungle natives!!
6. Unde Sim?
7. Ah, Yes, god ol' Ugly Stack University. Good times.
8. Armed Sperm!!!
9. Who drooled on the display case?
10. Eagles eat carrion, you know.
11. … Nope. Not touching that one with a 10 foot Hungarian.
12. Ah, finally cleaned out the flotsam drawer.
13.Colourblind decorator
14' Punk donut.

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

I out and out guffawed at "The day... my chiiiilllldhood... died." How could you not sing along with this post?

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHolly

!!Happy 4th to John, Jen, and ALL of the"WreckCrew"!! I wish to submit an application to adopt the red, white, and blue Fido/Secretariat/Fidotariat. I don't care if he likes Milkbones or oatmeal bars, he's pitiful-cute. And he shouldn't have to spend the holiday-or ANY day-trapped in a plastic bubble with frowning stars and dirty footprints. OR with a plastic star impaled into his shoulder blade. I'll be there shortly, so please pack his clothes, toiletries, favorite cup, teddy bear, etc. See you soon!

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I wonder if the motto for these cake "decorators" is;
"In Gawd-Awful We Trust"?

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

Sharyn, you really have a gift. That was awesome!! And that "rocket" cake - are you kidding me? So. Many Jokes!

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNewb

"Reach for the Sky"? Nice JOB, you stupid label-writing, national-emblem-of-freedom-scaring people. Look what you've done! That poor eagle is so flustered that he's shedding feathers!

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Patriotically Perfect in every way!

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Oh, man, I had to fight soooo hard NOT to hear that darn song in my poor abused brain! THE worst ear worm ever! Almost as bad as the cakes.... But at least they are reputed to be edible. Maybe.

Off to make my own approximation of a flag, rendered in Cool Whip, strawberries and blueberries.....

And now that song is stuck in my head...

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGin

This. Was. Awesome.

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChristine

Oh Sharyn... I do adore your posts! Thanks for the brilliance and the laughs!

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Seriously awesome lyrics this week, Jen and Sharyn!

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

Lady Liberty is now a Tiki goddess...great, just great...and thank goodness that the balding eagle (did ya notice some loose feathers on the cake there?) is 'For display only'. A CCC, no less. Such sacrilege, though I supposed the...rockets...are worse. (And I won't say what we're all thinking, lest my 9yr old son overhear/read my typing...) And we finish it all off with another patriotic Tribble! At least this one properly has no visible eyes. Let's hope it's that one-in-a-million sterile Tribble & won't propagate...

And now that song will be in my head for days. ?Thanks? As a child, it terrified me because "they were singing....this will be the day that I die." Death?! TODAY?! AAAIIIGGHHH!!! *VERY* scary thought for a 4-yr old...(Yes, I'm dating myself...) Interestingly, Weird Al Yankovic did a Star Wars-inspired parody of this song & it's absolutely hilarious! Here's the link:

But, you may have to cut n paste that...this Lady ain't that tech-savvy...just martial arts savy :-)

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

Are you trying to tell me that you WOULDN'T pay $138 for that beautiful rendering of the Titanic's smokestack?

Oh, and as long as we're not on the subject, "A Happy Phallic Fourth to You, Too!" What a *happy* cake!!

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Bahahahahahaha :D

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Okay, seriously, the horrors. All of my fondant babies look much better than this . . . their heads aren't beaten in, they don't need their edges trimmed. And I didn't throw them loose in a box with a $5 sign on them.

Candy babies for sale

YES, I'm still obsessing about fondant babies.

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

@Shirley Fowley: I like your motto idea ("In Gawd-Awful We Trust"). Gawd love 'em, though. Where would we get our daily dose of giggles without them?

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Sharyn: Bravo...(standing, clapping) Bravo!

@all my fellow Wreckies: Happy Fourth of July, and if you live in the USA, have a safe holiday; if you live outside the USA, have a safe Thursday.....

@Jen and john (thoj): thanks for Cake Wrecks and all you do to let laughter ring....

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

I don't know any of "American Pie", but I do know "The Saga Begins" :)

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

If Sharyn will forgive me, I shall pick up where she left off...

Did you see that cupcake mess?
Six stripes, a blob and I confess
A paper star that made me cry….

And please, if someone could tell me
What does this mean, support is free
On Tuesday, the fourth of, July?

At least he got the colours right
But dog-horse gave me quite a fright
And cake upon the shelf
Man, it should stay there by itself!

Well I have been to NYC
And this don’t look like Liberty
Don’t look like anything much to me
Apart from horrified.

So don’t buy these American Pies
Been created and degraded by some really dumb guys
Uncle Sam looks like he’s gonna cry
And this is hardly any surprise,
This is hardly any surprise.

Now, for heaven’s sake, what happened to
The USA – it’s now the USU
I’m sure there’s no such place you know
And with squirmy squids in empty space
And airbrush paint all over the place
There’s only one way we can go

We need to close these bakers down
Their efforts really make us frown
This eagle’s badly hurt
Oh, it’s about to hit the dirt!

Those rockets somehow don’t look right
Don’t think they’ll ever take to flight
They really gave me quite a fright
I would not buy these guys

*They’re really mingin'…

Don’t buy these American pies
I suspect they’ve been erected (!) by some really dumb guys
They really don’t appear to appetise
Someone should take away their supplies
Someone should take away their supplies

Crab cakes I have definitely tasted
The dude who made this might just have been wasted
Extremely high and very daft

And what in the world is going on
Some squiggles, a misshapen sun?
How does this mean Independence, I must ask?

Now the last one says it all for me
The pathos, and the tragedy
The coloured worms and sprinkles, see?
I would not buy these guys…

[all together now]

So don’t buy these American pies
Been created and degraded by some really dumb guys
If bad was good, they’d all win first prize,
But I wish you Happy 4th of July….

*Scottish slang for vile!

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

After sharing today's post with my family, I realized there is no way that the person responsible for the
Phallic Fourth cake did not know exactly what they were doing.
It obviously depicts Adams, Jefferson and Franklin preparing for the birth of our great nation.
Happy Fourth, everyone!

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Fourteen (14!) wrecks. In one day. FourTEEN. FOUR.TEEN. FOURTEEN!!! In ONE day. FOR one day. The "birth" of our country! OUR! COUNTRY! And they can't get it right. CANNOT GET IT RIGHT.
Man, I love this country! Isn't it awesome???

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

That last "U" stands for "Uhmericuh", doncha know.

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNyperold

Is it just me, or does the first "cake" look like the Flying Glove from Yellow Submarine wearing a patriotic disguise?

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRob

Great stuff! On that dog cake, the expessions of those 2 bottom stars sum the whole thing up perfectly!

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterVicky

Sorry! I mean, Candy babies for sale The guy with his tongue hanging out of his engagement photo on a cake was just bonus.

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Truly wonderful. Happy 4th everyone.

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentercatspaw66

Wow -- the sheer NEWNESS of these song parodies never ceases to amaze. Theardare finds the 'earworm' comments oddly pleasing.

Several of these make me think of Play-Doh. #1 for instance. The boric acid adds just the right tang.

#2 I can certainly see how "Support July 4" might be a needful reminder. [watch it...]

#4 At first, I thought this was in a bathroom, but the lights and the filing cabinet dispelled that notion. @Shirley Fowley, I'd put the decimal point to the left of the '1'.

#5 This looks like some Aztec deity. Hopefully I didn't offend any Aztecs out there.

#6 'Uncle Sim'? So this cake only exists in cyberspace? That's a relief.

#7 Graduates of Unconscious State University have every reason to be proud of their alma mater. If the school colors just happen to be red, blue and white, so what.

#8 Swimmers wearing party hats?

#10 came so close to being ok, for a CCC. "Reach for the sky"? Was this a patriotic-themed holdup? I can certainly see how... [stop right there.]

#11 Moving right along...

#12 A patriotic crab? I might have to know the story on this one, even if it turns out to make some sort of sense and causes the earth to stop mid-orbit and ponder.

#13, 14 Even the wreckorators gave up.

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

The star-studded horse dog just does me in. What are those things in the corners -- paw prints? When the plastic stars are placed over them, it looks like tiny cake creatures are screaming underneath. Probably want to be released from the horror of it all.

Sharyn, bravo! And Joan, take a bow! Massive fireworks finale for both of you!

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

I missed TWO great puns:

#2 Dog & pony show all in one (@Bea)

#11 Crab cakes (@Joan the 'fellow' Scot)

I may have to attend summer school at USU as a penance.

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

@ mell - Well said! Totally with you there...(& here :-)

@ Nyperold - Giggle-SNORT!

@Emily - I see what you did there... :-)

@ SuBee - but where's Washington?!

@Haiku Joy - snuck a plug in for your babies, eh?

@Joan - WOW!!! I hereby nominate you as Sharyn's understudy. (Ok, 2nd understudy - you know whom you are :-) That way, if she ever gets sick or take a vacation, we will not get the DTs while waiting for her return. You will save *millions* of Wreckies from a terrible fate! What an incredible opportunity! ;-) You only have to check in 1x a day, everyday, for the rest of your life & make sure Sharyn has posted a cute little parody for us. Then you are free to go about your business...until the next day. And I guess you can have Sundays off, since that's Sunday Sweets day. :-) <said with a sneaky smile/grin on my face>

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady



July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJules

That last one looks like it's covered in Patriotic Poos. Frankly, that scares me more than I care to admit!

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNoey

@Haiku Joy:
wWoWw--you weren't kidding. SO not kidding. ("Can we say 'SCARY', boys and girls? Let's say it together!! SSCCAARRRYYY....!!")


July 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Love this post!! I will always sing this version now lol

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArianna

I'sn't it wonderful how commited and meticulous the wreckers are? Not overlooking even the small details: In cake number 3 they've placed the star decoration in such way that the paw print is half hidden so you see some kind of scary face, kind of a Scream mask.

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterM

@KarateLady: Age doesn't matter unless you're wine or cheese. So they say. =^-.-^=

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Hmmm....flying gloves and scream masks...(? ! ?)
Well, I saw Yellow Submarine when it came out. Yeah, I'm like THAT old, man. Don't mess with it. The Glove was blue. And Scream doesn't look like some pity-party-pouty cookie cutter. Get with the program or get better pharms.
Young punks these days...! What's a mother to do??

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Wow, has no one commented with Weird Al The Saga Begins yet?

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterClipboardFox22

"frownie shuriken." Bwa ha ha haaaa!!! I would definitely hurl some of those at these wreckerators! Bravo Haiku Joy. And Sharyn and Joan! Happy 4th to you all!

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkrunchifrog

I just sang this out loud to my kids while playing "Weird Al" Yankovic - The Saga Begins on youtube.
They are cracking up :)

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGianna

At the first.....The illustrator who lost the gig for "Yellow Submarine".

At the last...Are those styrofoam beads?

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah B.

My husband's response to the, um, rocket cake, was, "Founding Fathers?"

Hee hee!

July 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

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