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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Jul092013

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream, "That's Ice Cream?!?"

One of my favorite summer pastimes is getting a decadent ice cream cone on a hot night.

My least favorite summer pastime is putting on swimwear.

(Proving Hallmark really does have a card for everything.)

 

It's a constant battle to balance my love of ice cream with the desire not to increase the size of my, er, ruffle.

Fortunately, these cakes seem destined to put me off ice cream for good:

I think the cherry really makes a difference. Don't you?

 

C'mon, bakers, an ice cream cone ought to be pretty easy. I mean, we all know what one looks like, right?

I stand corrected.

 

Nooo...

 

Ok, now you're just messing with us, aren't you.

 

EW. Someone call for cleanup on aisle 3!
And the Orkin man.

o_0

 

Tell ya what, bakers:

Why don't you start with an actual ice cream cone, and then work around that? You can do that, right?

Actually, I was hoping for something PRE-digested.

 

Let's call it the "Beeblebrox".

 

Yikes, is there any actual cake in this thing?

(Great. Now I've gone off frosting, too. Ick.)

 

Come on, bakers! You can do this! Big finish!

***

Sooo, how are your hamburger cakes these days?

 

Thanks to Grant P., Una, Michelle B., Rachel M., Whitney C., Missy S., Becca L., Katherine L., & Katie D. for helping me stay on my diet.

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Reader Comments (50)

You just reminded me that ice cream cone cupcakes are a thing. And I thank you for that.

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAx

Kudos on the Beeblebrox reference - well played!

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMissy

My first thought on the fourth photo -- third cake -- actually was more along the lines of "golf green" than "ice cream." You know -- layer of dirt, layer of grass, golf balls. (I didn't say "good" golf green or "realistic" golf green. Maybe a "Caddyshack" golf green after a gopher-extermination treatment.)

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMe

Here we find the wee
pismire in his natural state:
gorging and alone.

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

I know this site has an anti-cupcake bias, but ice cream cone cupcakes rock. I used to be able to get 'kiddie' size cones that made for a perfect three bite cupcake.

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlizvocal

"Beeblebrox". Hehehe!!

I think all of these cakes need a ruffle. :P

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

WHAT is that blue and beige thing meant to be? I mean, just WHAT? And you know what the worst of it is? This is about the only shape in the world that might actually lend itself reasonably well to the dreaded CCC*, and they STILL got it wrong.

*I am not condoning CCCs. But it is a fact that one ought to be able to arrange them in this shape more easily that you can arrange them into - well, pretty much anything else, really. Not that I ever would. No no no. I'll NEVER go to the Dark Side.

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

Thanks for the the new vocabulary word, Haiku Joy. My ambition for the day is to use "pismire" in a sentence.

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBB, Miami

I'd still eat 70 percent of them O_o haiku joy :D :D

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Ants on checkered picnic blankets = cute. Ants on ice-cream cone = inexplicable. (I can't even bring myself to comment on the other aspects of that monstrosity of a ccc--feeling too queasy.)

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

new holiday animated movie coming soon.....The Misfit Cakes of Cone-y Island....

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSir Laffsalot

Now imagine that particular Beeblebrox as president of the galaxy... No wonder Palpatine and Vader were such easy shoo-ins!

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHAL

I'd like to see something in a Slartibartfast.

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

This is one of those days I'm looking at this post on my giant iMac screen. Yikes. I wish I'd seen this on my iPad -- the horror would have seemed smaller. After twisting and turning my head to figure out what these are, I can only utter indistinguishable monosyllables of dismay.

Haiku Joy, thank you for intrroducing me to the pismire. One of my clients owns a pest control service. I will suggest the use of this word in future marketing efforts. I will also send him a link to this page -- some of these wrecks would be PERFECT for repelling pests. And humans.

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

I object to your posting that picture of me without first getting my permission.
The ruffle DOES work, but these cakes do not...

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

The first three are just pointy-chinned, faceless people wearing bad hats.
#4:I don't know. I don't care.
#5:Oh, PLEASE don't call the Orkin man! That cute little ant is the best part of the whole mess!
(What IS the "cone"-a butterscotch oil spill?)
#6:Georgia O'Keeffe animal-skull interpretation? Greenland (or Mars) diorama with receding glacier?
#7: Yeah, so? That's the way my cones are always handed to me.
#8: WHY was the container set down on top of a pile of cat litter? Hmmm...
#9:They "might" have been "going for" a "sand castle" look. Or the Disney "castle" thingy...
"=^?.?^="

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

NOTHING would EVER put me off frosting! Except maybe a heart attack....

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPaula

See how educational CakeWrecks and Epbot are! Now I know all about Pismire and Beeblebrox )

Regarding Epbot: (and I hope John will share this with Jen...)
I'm so glad you're making yourself a priority :) I think you are beyond awesome!!! Epbot makes my day EVERY DAY and its on my list of "must check out daily" blogs (as is CakeWrecks). However I'll happily and patiently wait until your zen is back in balance. I do need to let you know how much impact Epbot has had on me. Without you I'd probably still have no idea Doctor Who exists, Steampunk would just be another word I'd heard somewhere along with Cosplay, and last but not least you have led me to my new favorite reading/movie/tv genre... SciFi! I am a much happier little camper now that I have a place to mentally escape. It's also impacted my artwork and provides inspiration when I'm feeling a little "unplugged" myself. So thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU :D

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKimberj

I kind of feel like the last cake is giving me the finger. "You want an ice cream cone cake? Here! Take that!"

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAMendes

Nice call on the "Beeblebrox"! Yeah, the ruffle makes ALL the difference, doesn't it?

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBrandi

Poor ants! What'd THEY ever do to get a name like that? It's like "quagmire," only pissier! I went to my online dictionary to hear the way it's supposed to be pronounced 'cause I'd never heard of the bloody thing before.
(It's a woman's voice."PISS mire."). Now I know where to go if I get reeeeeaaaallly bored.
Hey!! I can make it say "how. are. you. today." and "have. a. nice. day." and all kinds of things! It'll be my own, personal little HAL9000...! ("I'm afraid I can't DO that, sendingtheclowns...")
=^e.e^=

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Is it just me, or does the first one rather resemble the unfortunate results of a Succotash binge?

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

I don't think ice cream cone cupcakes are all bad, providing there's some actual CAKE involved and not just frosting O.O

@Me ~ Golf green was my first thought too. o.O

Off to try and save a 4 foot potted tree that someone ran into yesterday in front of my work. Wish me luck!

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Dont panic!

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterElanor

That last cake will be really impressive when the cones start dancing this big Busby Berkeley number.

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterjbrecken

@lizvocal -It isn't cupcakes that we have a problem with, (Can I say "we" when talking about CW?) it is the dreaded CCC -cupcake cake- (Patooie!) that we feel needs to be removed from the face of the earth.

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

#1: Boss [to employees]: "NEVER throw anything away. Everything old can be new again. See this 'steak' CCC leftover from Father's Day?" *scratch, scribble, gloop* "Voila! NOW, it's an ice cream cone!"
Employees: *golf clap*

#2: I'm getting an image of a Sith with its hair in curlers...?

#3: Huh. These cone shapes make my brain see faces...this one is Bam-Bam from the Flintstones...with a tan...wearing a green bandana...after his face was mauled by a saber-tooth tiger.

#4: Hallmark's slogan: "When you care enough to send the very best"
Wreckerator's slogan: "When you don't give a carp, this is good enough"

#5: A Vermonster tornado!

#6: This is a biology class cake. "See kids, here's the ice cream BEFORE you eat it, and THIS is what happens after your saliva and stomach acids have begun to digest the ice cream cone. Now, who wants a slice of partially digested ice cream cone? Anyone?!" I'd hate to be in class the day they learn about the colon and excretion.

#7: I had to Google Beeblebrox. I guess it's about time I read the books, huh?

#8: Actually, I have nothing to say about this one. It looks pretty good compared to what has come before. I suddenly have a toothache, though.

#9: The stacked cones have Muppet mouths...

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

@lizvocal: I wouldn't say we are anti-cupcake. Merely anti-CCC (patooie!). I've seen plenty of cupcakes (served singly) and cake pops that are super cute. Most CCCs (patooie!) are anything but cute, and that is if you can decipher what they are meant to be.

@Sir Laffsalot: : - D

@AMendes: hee!

@Jodee: Luck!

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

Having examined Exhibits "A" through "I", I wish to cross-examine the accused (all of them) by posing one question:
"Which of these specimens, if any, is/are ACTUALLY EDIBLE?" (As opposed to being, you know, "too PRETTY to cut into".)
=^u.u^=

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

The Beeblebrox! Love that!
jbrecken, you made me laugh out loud. I immediately saw the cake from above, and cones twirling and kicking their legs and singing a glorious song!

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTaffy Cake

So yeah, I have no comments for these "cakes". I can tell you that my last trip to the grocery store resulted in fudgecicles, peanut butter ice cream sandwiches, caramel crunch ice cream bars and rock road Klondike bars.

Yes... I have no self control. (But I do have 3 teenagers to help eat them!)

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

@Just Andrea ~ I already had an upset tummy. Thanks for that o.O

@zoomom ~ You can TOTALLY say "we"!!! Even if it's just you and I (which I guarantee it's not!) it still counts!

As for the tree, I've done my best. Trying to find some burlap (thanks @Craig!) but lawyers don't generally keep such things in their offices. Go figure! I'm just glad the truck hit the planter and not the big glass wall that's 6 feet from where I'm currently sitting!

Hey john (thoJ) take good care of your girl. We love her bunches here!

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Today's post is a parade of vile, terrible and dreaded CCC's(Patooie)!

Like others have pointed out we here at Cake Wrecks have no problem with cupcakes, in fact they feature often on Sunday Sweets, we have a problem with the horrific creation that are Cup Cake Cakes. These monstrosities are the result of someone's bright idea of taking cupcakes, which are quick to make, jamming them together on a cake board and then cementing them together with gobs of sticky frosting. After doing this they then decorate them with even more generic frosting in a vain attempt to make the mess look like something.

The entire concept is the very definition of laziness.

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

I'm pretty sure that last one depicts some kind of arcane dairy ritual. But I'm not sure whether the outer cones are worshipping the one in the center or preparing to sacrifice it.

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterYvonne

Hallmark has cards for body-mocking misogyny? Yes, it seems they do.

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterangelica

I guess I'm just not getting why someone would make a cake that LOOKS like ice cream. Why not just have ice cream? Or better yet, why not have cake AND ice cream.

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDanny

Is it just me, or does it look like that last one is giving all of us 'the finger'? Maybe it's because of the tiny screen I'm working with.

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAutumn

@Jodee: au contraire mon ami.... We here at TT&T always have it on hand for practicing for the annual Town Fair Three-legged Race, which we win every year...you might say we "have it in the bag."

@Just Andrea please read the books!! then report back about how wonderful they are (excepting Vogon poetry- I think these cakes are physical manifestations of iambic pentameter a la Vogons).

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

@Isolder74j:
Somehow, your description of the CCC process makes it actually seem like more work than I'd have thought, originally.Counting the mixing, the filling of all of the separate cups, baking, the clumping-togethering of the baked cupcakes, frosting the tops en masse, then decorating, it seems like a lot MORE work than just making a regular cake, to me. I'm not condoning the darn things by any stretch; I'm just saying that it doesn't "sound" actually "lazy' to me. Just different. And usually, of course, fugly.
=^-.-^=

July 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Yuck..well if the wreckerators want me on a diet they are well on their way lol. And to think I thought ice cream cones were cute on a cake. Now they just make me want to run away crying considering what half of these look like.

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Apparently it's just me, but the "cone" on the third cake looks most like underwear to me. Bleh.

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMissKitty

**giggle** Thanks MP, HC for clearing that up. Are you, perchance, looking for a legal assistant? I think your office would be a much more interesting place to work.

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Wow, those are some atrocious "CCC" and I do use the term loosely. Love the Beeblebrox reference, because of CW an entirely new generation will learn the wonders and hilarity of the late and great Douglas Adams, who is probably president in another universe now that he's left this one.

Okay, I am still not completely internet "savvy", what is the "THOJ" acronym I keep seeing here? I know it's probably something REAL simple that I am not getting, but will someone please enlighten me.

Thank you very much CW for making me laugh daily!


[Editor's note- Hi Pam! It actually stands for "the hubby of Jen." I capitalize Jen's name and leave my own in lowercase because this is her blog and she's the star, in my incredibly biased opinion. Fun fact: it originally started out as john (the hubby of Jen, the Great and Powerful queen of Cakedom who slew the mighty cupcake cake of doom). Of course, I have to sign my emails with it so it was shortened. Have an awesome day! -john (thoJtGaPqoCwstmcccod)]

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPam

Hey, Haiku Joy! Did you, like me, learn the word 'pismire' as a kid because of this poem? http://www.potw.org/archive/potw193.html
I love it.

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMorag

the "THOJ" acronym I keep seeing here? I know it's probably something REAL simple that I am not getting, but will someone please enlighten me.

Thank you very much CW for making me laugh daily!

@ Pam: I just saw this, and saw that no one answered yet, so allow me: "THOJ" (or "thoJ"?)) is what John, The husband of Jen calls himself! Of course, now that I've done this, 10,000 others will !

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

@Pam ~ john (thoJ) = john (the hubby of Jen)

I'll admit, it took me awhile to figure that out too ;-)

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

@Pam: THOJ is part of John's name. He is forever and in most circumstances, except on rare occasions, known as "John, The Hubby Of Jen", or, "John(thoJ)" for short.

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

@sendingtheclowns

Some bakeries have dispensers that let them fill a tray of cupcakes in a few quick actions. Others actually have pre baked cupcakes that they just need to thaw and frost, however they aren't the root of the creation of CCC's(ARGH I SAID IT!). Also a tray of cupcakes often takes less time to bake then a larger cake does. They stem from the desire to have a cake that isn't a standard rectangle or circle.

Now this is where I get to the laziness part. In order to make a car-shaped cake, for instance, a baker would need to cut away part of a larger cake to trim it into the desired shape. Then to ensure that the cake's frosting doesn't end up with visible crumbs a crumb coat is usually needed before frosting. Then the cake can be frosted and decorated. Now when a CCC(ARGH I SAID IT AGAIN!) is created they can fudge the 'shape' of the car(say from the side) and not only isn't a crumb coat not needed the cake doesn't even need to be leveled. Just slap on the frosting and call it done, add decorating by airbrush and the circle of the CCC(AAAARGH I SAID IT AGAIN!!!!!!), or lack thereof, is now complete. You know that bakers are trying to avoid work when they make a CCC(AAAARGH {writhes on the ground in pain}) of something that is already suppose to be a circle...what happened to the 8-inch round pan?

PS I didn't respond right away because when I saw your post there were 42 comments on the blog so I didn't want to be the one to ruin the reference.

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

2 GIRLS, 1 CUP anyone?

July 12, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermike hart

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