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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Apr072014

Hawaiians Weep Tonight

OK, everybody! Sing it with me!

We-e-e-e-EE-EE-e-e-e-we-oh-mum-a-weh
We-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-we....

What does
that saaay?

A wimoweh, a wimoweh, a wimoweh, a wimoweh
A wimoweh, a wimoweh, a wimoweh, a wimoweh
A wimoweh, a wimoweh, a wimoweh, a wimoweh
A wimoweh, a wimoweh, a wimoweh, a wimoweh

 

In the bakery, the mega bakery

Hawaiians weep tonight


In the bakery, the mega bakery

Hawaiians scream in fright.

 

A-weeee-e-e-e-eeeeee...

... flip-flop dismaaaaay.


A-weee-e-e-e-eeeeee...

... Those. Aren't. Okaaaaay.

 

Near the village, there's lava spillage

They may not last the night...


Near the village, the gummies pillage

Hawaiians flee their plight.

 

A-weeee-e-e-e-eeeeee...

... beach disarraaaaaay.

 

A-weee-e-e-e-eeeeee...

... throw that awaaaaay.

 

[wailing and instrumental solo]

 

Hush my darling, don't dare, my darling

That pineapple's not right...


Hush my darling, don't stare, my darling

HAWAIIANS WEEP TONIGHT.

HEP HEP!

 

Aloha OY! to Anony, Deirdre, Susan K., Melissa V., Lisa & Kate & Rob, Sophie J., Karen H., Alyssa B., Patricia M., Samantha M., And Christy J., for braving their various bakeries to send these to us. It's a jungle out there.

*****

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Reader Comments (56)

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Sharyn is now authoring Cakewreck posts.

Also, could someone please explain to me the meaning of a giant turd on a flower? (Pic #9)

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

that last cake picture almost looks like something Picasso would bake

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTheresaEH

Sharyn, yet again your genius in rewriting songs has me in awe!
Cake No.3 - are they performing a C-section or a ritual killing?
And cake No.7 must win the award for the most amount of crap that can be piled on a cake without it collapsing. I'd advise the baker to put away his box set of Lost for now until sanity prevails!

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

And a hello to you, too! (Ahola of cake #1 infamy)

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermiss_paper

It's amazing how the addition if frosting made Barbie look •more• topless rather than less.

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBrian

It's official: I read too much Cake Wrecks. How else do you explain that I knew what the first line was referring to before scrolling any further? LOL

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRoseAnn

Is that ninth one supposed to be ... a luau? With taro (banana?) leaves, bananas (kinda), something pink, and a nice big, one-nostriled poo-pig?

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterZeldabird

That was awesome.

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBW

Bravo, Sharyn! In the immortal words of MC Hammer: U can't touch this......

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Cake 8 could do double duty--is it a tiki cake or an Easter Island cake? Brilliant! Multi-functional!

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterOrianna Laun

Me too, RoseAnn. I got it (heard it?) at the title!
Major talent, Sharon!

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjust me

LOL!! Well done as always Sharyn
Ahola everyone!
(I will leave it up to you to decide what whole lotta you gonna have today, mmkay?)

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

I'm reading this while eating my lunch, and it was hard enough not choking when I saw #9, but then Zeldabird's comment put me over the edge! I hope my cubicle mate knows the Heimlich.

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

What is cake #8 supposed to be anyway? My only guess is that the little creatures are distantly related to Gumby, but I think even that is a stretch.

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Wilson!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(that's no pineapple, its a seasick volleyball)

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterms anthrope

@ Brian: I KNEW there was something exceptionally weird (besides the wreckishness) about that cake, I just couldn't pin it down. When I read your comment though- there's the lightbulb, and the hearty guffaw followed.

Yes, I also started singing as soon as I saw the first line. I started singing and thinking "ooh, Sharyn's posting today, this should be good!" LOL, and of course, I was right.

Does anyone else see the last cake and think of the old "Hawaiian Punch" commercials? With the guy in the red and while Hawaiian shirt and funky looking face? The commercials were definitely drawn better than this young lady is though, but, she could totally be his girlfriend with the lazy eye. OMG I am SOOOO not PC. <snort>

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVBeach Alemap

Bwahahahahhaha

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

1.) Ahola is actually Ahoy and Hola combined so it's really more of a spanish pirate thing.
2.) Coconut bras...now in flesh tone!
3.) Speaking of coconuts...My, what large coconuts you have there, ma'am!
4.) Flip flops or pads with wings?
5.) Welcome Poo-Piley Island!
6.) Heh?
7.) I think John Locke is responsible for this.
8.) Someone heard that graham cracker crumbs make good sand...Someone doesn't know the difference between crumbs and shards.
9.) The Poo-Pile Hibiscus. The official flower of Poo-Piley Island.
10.) The lesser known Lemon Meringue Pineapple.
11.) ...And if you can't find any coconuts you can always use cow pies.

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

Brilliant repurposed lyrics. Thanks, Sharyn! I needed a good laugh today.

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjustanotherashley

Brilliant!
It just occurred to me that with all the hubbub about common core and national standards in education maybe they need to do a national standards with bakery apprentices. Although.... I've heard the argument that common core is going to lower the standards for everyone. How low can you (bakers) go? These tropical bakers have set that bar really low. Too much poo.

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMarnieB

"This is a weeping song"....
If Ahola Cake decorator is of Spanish origin, this one could easily be accepted ;)

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMira

I . . . can't I just can't. And I'm also laughing too much to really say anthing.

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterE. Anne

When I saw the Barbie pic on Facebook, I didn't realize she was wearing a "bra" that matched her skin color. I thought they just piped on some nips.

I kind of like the Picasso-esqe woman in the last pic. I'm so sure she's a wreck. I also imagine her saying, "my eyes are up here, sailor! Quit staring at my cookies!"

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Laughed till I scared my kids. This is completely brilliant. XD

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRoxanne M

I like the Gumby lifesaver cake :)

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermyst

This is my favorite karaoke song to sing. Now I have mental images to go along with it! I'm indebted to you, Sharyn.

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

This is my favorite karaoke song to sing. Now I have mental images to go along with it! I'm indebted to you, Sharyn.

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

*Patiently* The song "Mbube" was by Solomon Linda, a black South African, and had absolutely no ties to Hawaii. But you knew that anyway.

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCheryl

Bwah ha ha ha ha ha!! Now that song's gonna be stuck in my brain all day!

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Hush, dear Sharyn
You genius, Sharyn
The bakers sleep tonight.

The rest of us, however, will be up all night with nightmares...

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

*shudders at last cake* It's ok, I didn't need sleep anyways.

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

As a resident of Honolulu, I must insert a disclaimer here. These "cakes" in no way represent the quality of the majority of local bakers, and most of us wouldn't even toss them into the ocean as an offering, knowing that we would instantly incur the wrath of the gods and suffer accordingly. Ahola!

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterhapamama

Awesome! I needed a good laugh (and some nightmares) for today!

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKim

Must remember not to read CW during lunch when everything is quiet here in the cube farm. I had both hands over my mouth trying not to make any chortling noises. Ab fab Sharyn! You did a great job rewriting the lyrics to fit all these wrecks.

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterOldCrone

My favorite Cake Wrecks Post ever ;-) You made my day!

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnnette

Brilliant Sharyn, BRILLIANT!!! This is the second time I have heard(yes heard-I sung along with it as I scrolled)this song used in a totally different manner than it came to the airwaves....the first time was "The Bobbit Song" on JohnBoy&Billy.....but Sharyn you elevated it and added pictures!!!!! BRILLIANT!!!An earworm with visuals!!!!!

@hapamama-I was enjoying the comments anyway but about fell onto the floor when I read yours......

Ahola, y'all!!!

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterWildDuck

Loved it, Sharyn! Although my brain keeps insisting "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" in Africa, not Hawai'i. *G* But the cakes are A#1 atrocious, for sure. Thank you for the smile as I work late, waiting for one last customer to pay up and leave, half an hour past closing time.

@Cheryl - *Very patiently* Repeat after me: The lion, Ha-why-an. The lion, Ha-why-an. The lion, Ha-why-an. The lion, Ha-why-an.
But you got that, right?

April 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMadame Obvious

I cannot stop laughing. Or making typos arghh lol. I cannot even guess why the wreckerators even tried selling these to poor customers. Scary wrecks for everyone!

April 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

"Maliboob Barbie Meets the Mop Monster" is playing at the drive in?
@MarnieB: You ask,"How low can you (bakers) go?" Apparently, there is no limit here; good taste is in limbo!
Hey-does anyone else see Don King in that seasick "pineapple" CCC?
=^-.~^= *snort*

April 8, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

No. 5: Poo-Poo platter.

April 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCynthia

I think the third one is quite creative,myself. That way, if it was a Bon Voyage party, a good time can be had by all, even those who weren't going.

April 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoanne

On the Barbie cake, the hair should go all the way down to the ground. That might help hide the flesh covered shell-bra and the shredded wheat skirt. What the frosting is cake #6 supposed to be? On cake #8, it looks like a giant wave is going to take out the Minions on their beach vacation.
Ahola!

April 8, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjeliecam

I want to lick the icing off that second cake... yum, yum!

April 8, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjust somebody

At any moment, the urge to sing 'The Lion Sleeps tonight' is only a whim away.

A whim away, a whim away.

April 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLyn

I love this song, and was happily singing along to the post. Until I saw #8, when my brain did a double-take. Surely that one has to be an amateur job mixed in with the professional wrecks?

Lyn: best. post. ever! (weeeeeEE-EE-EE)

April 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnotherJen

That was hysterical.

But what I want to know is just how long it took to accumulate a whole song's worth of disastrous Hawaiian cakes. I imagine you for the last five months thinking, "just one more Hawaiian cake, one more, please one more..." and then screaming "YES!" after opening up an email with a picture of a topless doll cake in grass skirt.

April 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLMR

Huh. So that explains why they weren't terribly startled at seeing Stitch, Jumba, Professor Pleakley, and the rest. I always wondered about that.

April 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Aloha OY!

(I'm so sorry...)

April 9, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterShanti

When I was a child, I would have just LOVED the jungle one with the trees and the natives and the crocodiles. All I ever got were plain, plain, plain cakes with nothing on them but a flat spread of icing. :-(

April 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAisha

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