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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Jul162014

Don't Toy With Me, Man

It probably started innocently enough.

"Hey, let's add a little stuffed rattle to this design, as a free bonus!"

"We all know how much babies like cake!"

 

Now, despite the fact that this design requires no decorating skills whatsoever, it does have the fatal flaw of being a cupcake cake. [hawww ptooiee!] Which means, more often than not, you're going to get something like this instead:

"What the heck is it?"

"Who cares? Look, a free baby rattle!"

 

So, they nixed the CCCs and started putting the little stuffed toys on mini-cakes:

The vicious Venus Monkey Trapcake snares another victim.


Then they really started to mess with us.

1) Just how big is this cake?

2) Conversely, how tiny is that stuffed lamb?

3) Whichever it is, did the Wreckerator really think that lamb effectively "filled the space?"

4) Why put a baby's stuffed animal on an engagement cake, anyway? It has nothing do to with the design! It's like the cake was being wheeled past and the little guy just hopped on Bruce Willis style, riding it out to freedom while the building exploded around him.
(Ok, that last bit could be wishful thinking on my part.)

 

Of course, just when you think a little stuffed lamb might be appropriate, like on a baby shower cake, they go and do this:

That is solid icing, y'all. "Suprise!" indeed.

(Yes, I know "suprise" is spelled wrong.)

 

But getting back to the stuffed animals: like goldfish, these things are growing to fill their containers:

Sensible? Sanitary? Sane?
Good questions, all.

 

But perhaps the most important question of all is: When future generations look back on the day the "fake fur fiber fad" began, will this be one of Wikipedia's illustrations?

"With its high levels of sugar, fat, and 'colon-cleansing synthetic fiber', the Plush & Flush Diet soon became an overnight sensation in the U.S."

 

Bill B., Caryn C., Becky, Lisa Z., Kristen F., Allie C., & Emily B., more on point (ballerina pun ftw!), when do they start plopping Xbox 360's on these things, with little icing borders? "That'll be $467.39, please. Oh, and if you want games, then you have to buy the cupcakes separate."

*****

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« The Far Side of Cake, Vol. 10 | Main | Do the Math »

Reader Comments (34)

I would have some cake, but I'm stuffed.

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

This cake needs a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb
That cake wants a little bear, for fiber don't you know

Just stick it in the frosting there, frosting there, frosting there
Stick it in the frosting and don't worry 'bout the hair

Now cram the lid onto the pan, to the pan, to the pan
Cram the lid onto the pan. Wow, these cakes really blow

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

…but,…but,…but,… those fuzzy things are all globbed up with icing!
"Sorry little kid, but you can't play with your new toy until mommy washes it and puts it in the dryer where the fake fur will shrivel in the heat and destroy the look and feel of the fur." NOOOO! don't hug it! Not while wearing your new party clothes. Drat, now I'll have to wash those too."

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

Do they serve dental floss with these cakes to get the fur out of your teeth?

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCathy

I'm with Shirley on this- it's laundry day waiting to happen.
Worst. Idea. Ever.

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterColin M.

Cake #4 doesn't have to be an engagement cake. It could be a "we just found out we're pregnant cake." That makes the lamb make more sense. Or, perhaps tiny stuffed lambs hold some significance in their relationship. No doubt, we'll never know the truth.

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDrockbox

What's under the label on cake #5?! Is that a slash? "Surprise! Boy/____" "Boy/Girl"? Did they not know the gender? Is it twins? If so, why blue? It doesn't even look like it says "Boy/Girl" so what's the second word?!? I need to know!! What could it be other than a boy or girl?!?

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

At least the wreckerator on the second cupcake cake used all the pieces. The "model" one is missing an ear.

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkayk

It looks like the monkey on cake #3 is stretched out on a tree-stump altar waiting to be sacrificed to the cake god.

Let's just go back to blobby icing roses (of which I've made more than my share) and those tooth-breaking pseudo-icing things they used to sell in grocery stores to put on birthday cakes. Oh, sorry, that would put Jen out of business and we'd miss our daily ration of cakey wreckiness.

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

I was looking at cupcakes at our store that shall not be named (OK, I was stalking the bakery case, trying to get a picture of a really awful minion cake...) and overheard a conversation about this type of cake. The mom was concerned about furry frosting and goopy bear. They agreed to leave the bear in its plastic bag.

What a great idea! Now you can turn cake time into a PSA. "Now, kids, do you see how Blue Bear is just lying there? That's because he climbed into a plastic bag and died. So, never, ever play with plastic bags! Who wants cake? I can't hear you when you're crying...

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

In reference to the third picture: Go home, Bear. You're drunk.

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCandace

Every single one of those animals looks like it sneaked in there and died. Happy Birthday to yo- AAUUUUUUUUUGHGGGGHHHHH!!!!

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

Have I really become so jaded that I am more bothered by the omission of a plastic ear than I am by fake fur on a cake?

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermiss_paper

Bears On Cakes (with apologies to Duran Duran)


See them starring at the all those cakes in the bake’ry window
Heads are turning as they look – something’s just not right
They want to stop, but can’t turn their back
They are simply frozen in their track, in their track
And I sense the horror hummin’ in a frenzy all the way down their spine

Bears on cakes, bears on cakes
Bears on cakes, bears on cakes

Stick a bear in frosting, smoosh it in real good and firm
The kid’s will be delighted while parents just squirm
Get a cake and toy together
And the kids will love licking off the hair, licking off the hair
It will add fiber to their diet and they won’t even know or care

Bears on cakes
(Oh, the fun we’ll have)
Bears on cakes,
Bears on cakes
(Lick it good now)
Bears on cakes,

Happy Bakers, smiling, gonna make a million
Get a bunch of bears at thrift shops and plop ‘em on cakes
We can crank these wrecks out all night
(But something says this isn’t right, isn’t right)
Fur and frosting happily meet while giving us a great new taste treat!


Bears on cakes
(You know that you love it)
Bears on cakes,
Bears on cakes
(Couldn’t be better)
Bears on cakes,
Bears on cakes
(Love ‘em together)
Bears on cakes,
Bears on cakes
(Have some later)
Bears on cakes

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Why has the first bear only got one ear? Who is this supposed to be, Teddy van Gogh? (Or did the baker just lose the ear and hoped nobody would notice...?)

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Because the best prize is a SUR-prize, says Willie Wonka....

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHAL

Is that a stuffed monkey on your cake? Or are you just happy to see me??? Lol

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCamille

Cakes #3 and #4 would be a good start for a post called "Jumped, Fell or Was Pushed". How did the item get on the cake?

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

Lol@suebee :D. Methinks they should offer customers the opton of having the toy on the OUTSIDE of the container.

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I thought the same thing as Drgns4vr...only about the last cake. That bear looks like his neck is stretched out, head turned to one side, to give good access to the vampire waiting nearby. Bite me.

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNancie

That last one looks like it's in a coffin. Was it Lenin Bear?

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPeter Funk

I'm surprised that none of the wreckers spelled out "Happy Bearthday" on any of these cakes!!

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJulieC

That last ballerina bear looks like it has been laid out for a wake and funeral, all surrounded by fluffy flowers. Creepy!

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKate

OK, so, we had a Pooh on the cake for my niece's baby shower. But the cake was beautiful, and delicious, and oh, Pooh was PLASTIC. That meant we could wash it off and keep it for the baby, and she could play with it when she was big enough. It did become a bath toy.

We did nit have to worry about fuzz in the cake, or destroying something in the wash.

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Wait. No one has made the obvious Bruce Woolis pun yet.

Oh for shame Cake Wreck commenters!

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBen

That's two successive days when 'Congratulations' has been spelt right. Is the message beginning to get through, or is this a howling great coincidence?

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTachybaptus

I think the little frosting lamb is kinda cute! It needs a bit of work, but not a bad effort. "That is solid icing, y'all." Like that's a bad thing? Or was I the only kid who would eat the icing and wouldn't touch the cake? (Of course, I grew out of that phase. I eat it all now and I have the waistline to prove it!) I would rather have a big mound of frosting on my cake than non-food-grade junk from the dollar store that's been touched by who knows how many hands since it was mass produced in a Chinese factory.

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

My baby shower for my oldest had toys on it. A rattle, a little bathtub floaty boat thing that had a temperature strip on the bottom so you didn't get the water too hot, a 4 oz. bottle... Of course all of these things were BOY things and the GIRL I gave birth to is now in the process of growing a baby and making me a grandma. But at least the toys were plastic and not furry.

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

The terrifying Venus Monkey Trap cake is all the more terrifying because the monkey has HORNS!
It's the PRIMATE from HELL people!!! Run! Run for your lives!!

...actually, it also looks as though it has hooves for its back feet - this either confirms it's a Hell Monkey or it's actually supposed to be a cow. Now that I think about it, lying on that cake like a sacrificial offering, maybe a cow is more appropriate.

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkrunchifrog

Plushies on cakes...why is this a thing? Don't get me wrong, I like plushies and I like cake, but I don't want the two to intermingle. At least Bruce Willis Lamb appears to have something laid out underneath him so he isn't actually touching the frosting. I would like to believe that was true of the rest, but I doubt it.

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTifa

@TheCreepyTribble: nicely done!

July 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Hi, i just loved the post.How beautifully explained.I will be back to visit often

July 17, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersadiq

What a neat idea! I never thought of this. Of course I would love a stuffed animal on my cake next time! I must remember when I place my order.

July 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBrittany

I love this site and spend entirely too much time here. I can't get enough of it. I particularly enjoy the comments that go with them. If the cakes weren't funny enough, this is website gold. I am also shocked that my name has never been spelled wrong on a cake but BOBBY has.

July 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSiobhan

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