10 Easy Ways To Completely Wreck Your Icing Balloons

It's almost TOO simple: a round blob with a string.

So how can you wreck the humble icing balloon?

Oh, my sweet, naive little baker friends.

LET ME COUNT THE WAYS.

1) Embrace The Airbrush:

I'm talking full-on bear hug territory here, folks. Love it. Use it. Defend it with your life. Don't ever let it go.

2) Choose Your Colors.... WISELY:

Crap brown with black "highlights?" Oooh, now you're cooking with gas!

Plus, anything that brings to mind bleeding orifices...

...IS PERFECT.

3) Remember Size Is Relative:

And you could totally fit a few more in there.

4) ...But Bigger Is Always Better:

Just throw a few tiny balloons on top to keep it confusing.

5) Of COURSE That Piping Tip Works

I mean, why wouldn't it?

6) Try Turning Them Into Insidious Ground-Dwelling Creatures:

::slither slither slither::

7) Or Colorful Hair Buns!

Floating grandma heads have never looked so festive.

(I'm not the only one seeing this, right?)

8) Gravity Schmavity:

Just be sure to never look at how real balloons work in real life, 'cuz that shiz will blow your freaking mind.

9) Look For Inspiration In Unlikely Places:

Like the wads of chewing gum under the counter!

And finally, the tried-and-true favorite of bakers everywhere:

10) Just Make Them Look Like Sperm:

Aww, three of them made it!

Thanks to Allison W., Erin, Becky G., Anne B., Hilary E., Mandy B., Rachel W., Brenda, Susan C., & Jason for finding some of the most hilarious balloon wrecks ever conceived.

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A Total Bust

(Warning: Vague naughtiness ahead. Also googly eyes.)

Last week Sue Moseley had her Instagram account disabled for posting this cake:

Why?
Well, according to Instagram:

"We disable accounts that post content that is sexually suggestive or contains nudity."

Translation? They thought her cake was boobs.

Now, I could maybe understand if Sue's cake looked like this:

Or this:

Or even this:

And I'd definitely understand if her cake looked like this:

Which, as you can see from John's oh-so-helpful censoring job*, totally looks like a bug-eyed Oompa Loompa at the beach.

(Why yes, I DID only include this one to share that visual. YOU'RE WELCOME.)

Of course we here at Cake Wrecks are no strangers to being banned from social networks for posting "suggestive" cakes, so allow me to offer the following advice:

Anything vaguely nipplish or boobish will get you banned because AMERICA, and we don't need that kind of obscene obscenity on our interwebz, so just steer clear.

....unless of course it's man boobs.

Those are cool.

SO BRING ON THE MAN BEWBS!

Or, you know, don't.

Seriously, you can stop now.

AAAAAAND WE'RE DONE.

Thanks to Jenn A., Ambular B., Sarah M., Krista M., Jessica L., Ashley B., Lisa C., & Jen S., who is not happy to see us, and after that, who could blame her?

*Note from john: I'm just glad I was able to save you all from seeing obscene obscenity. You're welcome.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.