My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

It's About Standards

Warning: Juvenile ding-a-ling humor ahead.

A long time ago, I (this is John, btw) brought a picture of the famous sexual harassment cake to our local bakery, to see if the Nice Older Ladies there would recreate it for a party.

The encounter went something like this:

Me: [handing over picture] "Hi there! I was wondering if you could make a cake like this for me."

Nice Older Lady: [looking at picture] "Uh..." [gasping in horror] [looking at me as though I was a dirty, demon-possessed pervert] "No."

Me: [embarrassed] "Oh, well, the cake is saying that kind of behavior is bad. See, that's what the big 'NO' sign means." [smiling innocently]

Nice Older Lady: [flagging down Nice Older Manager Lady]

Nice Older Manager Lady: [looking at picture] [calling security] [writing down my physical description in a big red book] [smiling thinly] "I'm sorry, sir. We don't put smut on cakes."

So, sure, that was embarrassing, and now I can't shop for croissants without being shadowed by Billy the stock boy, but the good news is that bakeries have a line, and one that will not be crossed. Which is a relief, because otherwise these cakes might have had me worried.


Fortunately there's nothing suggestive about balls or bases or long wooden...



It's a basketball court.


Oh what a tangled web we weave,

When first we...

Spidey! Stop that!

Didn't your parents ever tell you you'll go blind?

Now this is some crotch rocket:

Looks like it'll be flying under a full moon, too. [bah dum cha!]

Thanks Elisabeth M., Anony M., Laura E., Josef V., & Bethany P. Oh, and hey, could you pick me up some croissants?

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Reader Comments (91)

That first one is HORRIFYING. My eyes! My eyes!

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi


November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelli

Dear Lord. What was that first one supposed to be other know.

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterA.J.

Same reaction here: what IS that first one supposed to be? Since it's Thanksgiving week, I was trying to make a turkey out of it . . . an abstract, minimalist turkey. My husband thought it was a fire cracker. But we all know what it REALLY is. . . Yikes.

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It was supposed to be 'you know' though I admit it struck me as a bit, um, turdish. It also seems to be a little, back to front? No maybe thats not the phrase I'm looking for...

WV flumba - my reaction to this cake

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

Oh, MY! The first one...the decorator HAD to know what they were doing. HAD TO!

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

My initial instinctive id for the first cake was the NASA cake in flight. (you know, the one for "women in space, we've come a long way"?)

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEvalis

Love your Big Bang Theory comments!!! Bazinga!

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDeray

I burst out laughing at that Spidey cake! I guess now we know what he does when he runs out of spider web?

(sorry, sorry, I know it's gross but it was too easy. xD )

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDas feel so dirty

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonna


That is all. I got nuthin' else.

Okay, I lied... SPIDEY!!! You're supposed to be a role model!!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, MAN!?!??!!! (sobbing hysterically and running away).

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

#1: the only thing that would make it better was if the were fireworks coming out of the other end

#2: please tell me I'm not the only one to see the red letter 'P' and think of, well.. Ahem...

The Spiderman comments were brilliant. I love it!

It's official, I have the sense of humor of a 13 year old boy.

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

At least now we know the REAL reason Spidey wears that mask!

And, apparently, SOME bakeries will put smut on cakes!

WV: "kingsol" - brand name of the disinfectant I now feel like I need for my eyes...

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPretzelogic in Philly PA

OMGOSH! I can't stop laughing. Wow! WoW! WOW!

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFhorn74

Spidey looks like he's scratching. I would have thought he'd have been immune to crabs.

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

Oh my gosh - these are HILARIOUS!!!

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

How can someone not notice this when they are making it. "oh I did such a good job" yay me!

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJillian

Either the swimmers are leaving from the wrong end (typed coming, but just adds to the wrong wrong wrong), or someone is a huge Wyoming fan. (bleeds yellow and brown?)

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterToni W.

I do believe that first cake was copied from a live model...
What in hells bells is wrong with these wreckerators?
Gazing lower than their navels too long, perhaps?

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

A tumescent phallic turd cake? I'm going to barf............

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Thank goodness I am a wonderfully married and satisfied person in a great relationship...those are....*snort* *blushingly funny*!

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter~flying gurl~

Three words:




November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJade

Boob Nazi said it better than I could... I <3 Dr. Horrible

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFireyes

These were just hilarious. I saw a cake last weekend that had the Washington Monument on the top. I wish I could have convinced the photographer to send you a picture of it. OMG.

But I think what has me the most curious now is whether John's story is really true or not. I'm not believing it for a second!

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

That first one is way too... accurate. I swear 15 year old boys are decorating these cakes.

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I can not stop laughing!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhh crude sexual humor is the best by far.

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMamakitty1978

Thanks for the warning and it only could be John (the hubby of Jen). Really? You would want to put something like that into your mouth?

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStella

I especially like the "net weight" sticker on the first one. Apparently length *is* an overrated measurement...

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeftWingLock

That first one... I suppose it's a carrot? Or maybe a palm tree? Though the colors do indicate Thanksgiving... I mean, nobody would leave a piece of turd that looks like a tonker on cake. Right? Right??

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHerouth

Let's all pause to salute the nice ladies (and stock boys) at your local bakery. Bless their hearts for having standards below which, they will not sink.

Except probably sometimes, by accident.

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary Connealy

In case we needed further proof of the awfulness of cake #1 -- it really takes something super terrible to distract everyone from commenting on a birthday cake with a phallic design drawn on it in flesh colored icing.

wv: blergi. the sound I made when I viewed these wrecks.

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSiouxzr

Oy...the second one. I don't remember baseball bats having a glans.

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

For the love of fondant, what the heck is that last one supposed to be celebrating???? I'm at a loss for words regarding the others.

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKnit Wit

eeek, is that first cake for a Brit milah?

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm a little disappointed that many of these cakes seem to be turning towards the inappropriate. I used to look at these with little kids for a laugh but this is entirely too inappropriate to share now, and there have been far too many of these for me to chalk it up to one or two funny occurrences. Sorry but I'm afraid I may have to stop following, which is a shame because I love this site, but I can't approve this for kids anymore.

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBethG

all horrible... I need to scrub my corneas now!

butt I can't believe you said "bah dum cha" on the last after making a bum joke... it's bah dum BUM of course :) (

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterT

"Bazinga" is right. Yeowza.

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

I think the first one is trying to illustrate the fact that circumcision can kill. Looks like they whacked it off at both ends, however.

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

@ Beth G - I always put a warning on any PG-rated posts, so you're free to simply skip over those with more "adult" content. The warnings are there because *I* don't approve of the content for little kids, either. This is not a children's blog; the majority of my readers are adults, like me. You'll find ding-a-ling cakes throughout all the CW archives, dating back to the very beginning of the blog over 2 yrs ago. I'm sorry if it seems they're more frequent, though!

@ Trevor: it's a true story. Scout's honor. :D

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Hehe, excellent.

And I don't understand why these aren't kid-friendly. It's icing that kinda looks like willies, and unless you want to deny the existence of a part of the anatomy possessed by 50% of the population of the planet, I see nothing wrong with giggling at that. There's nothing pornographic here, and I can guarantee that just about every child giggles at willy and booby jokes on the playground at school anyway...

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The lines are coming out of the wrong end on the cookie cake. lol

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJuliaKoponick

I LOVE these cakes!

My old bakery had a rule about suggestive cakes are well - but some still slipped through with a few of our older decorators. I caught one of them working on a cake that had a scan of the 'shocker' hand sign with the line "It's your 30th Birthday. I hope it's not a SHOCKER!" Trying to explain what it meant with the little Spanish I had was painful, but her expression, once she understood, was hysterical. Yes, we still had to finish the cake since we did accept the order.

Knowing some of our other bakers, it wouldn't surprise me if a few of these cakes were deliberate.

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersnarkygurl

HILARIOUS but now I need to go poke out my minds eye!

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

Well, I never!

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi D

D'oh. Don't they know naked babies are supposed to ride *carrots*, not *whatever-that-blue-thing-is's*

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterViiriƤinen

I really do wonder what the first one is supposed to be, if not a penis. I'm with Wendy. The decorator knew exactly what s/he was doing.

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love you guys...
Gotta love a Big Bang reference in a post full of naughty bits!

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEasily

I don't know why, but this post had me literally LOL! Thankfully I hadn't taken a sip of my coffee yet!!
Thanks John! =)


November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen Ben

Yeah, that second one looks less like a baseball bat and more like something you can find in the 'adults only' store downtown.

WV: poratang. I don't think that needs any explanation. XD

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMidnight's Jinx

Many thanks to Shirley and Michelle for commenting on the first cake before I did - I don't think I could have phrased it better without being censored

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDaMamaJama

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