LET'S RUIN SOME BIRTHDAYS

BIRTHDAYS, am I right? They're just so... predictable. Every year like clockwork, the same old parties, the same cracks about getting old, the same legal notices advising you the restraining orders issued by your favorite boy band are still in effect...

Bah.

So I say, if you can't beat 'em, make them worse for everyone else.

Like this!

Does it help or hurt that her name is Penny? Asking for a friend. Whose name is Penny.

You know how people love it when you call attention to their seasonal allergies?

Boo to the Ya.

("See, it's funny, because your health is poor and that constant sniffing annoys the rest of us! Did you get that? Oh, you did? Cool. Just wanted to make sure. )

I'll be honest, I don't think Willow needed to know this:

SO I APPROVE.

Now Willow, you can retaliate with THIS:

Bonus: this could be botched "cheapskate" OR it could be calling Kate cheap. Either way, I think we ALL come out winners here.

And finally, for those times when the words "You're a horse's a$$, Dad" just aren't enough:

There's this.

Or is that a donkey butt?

WAIT... no. Could it be? Is that...

Is that an ass's a$$?

YESSSSS. So is it like when you say someone is a "real man's man"? Meaning Dad here is a "real ass's a$$?"

I'm tearing up. It's so beautiful.

Thanks to Brandi D., Maryann S., Anony M., Jeannette M., & Anony T. who think I'm ridiculous for censoring one a$$ but not the other. Yes, yes I am. Now, bottom's up!

*****

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I Just Realized How Phallic "Saggy Clown Volcano" Is... And I'm OK With That

Ever see a cake so deliberately confusing that you're sure you're missing something obvious?
I mean, look at this thing:

Someone went through a massive amount of effort - different colors, squiggle techniques, flotsam arrangement - all to make a senseless, saggy clown volcano. Why? What does it mean?

Or how about this snapshot of prehistoric life found in a bakery window?

How I imagine this went down:

"Is that a bridge over all the dinosaurs?"

"Yeah. The Brooklyn Bridge."

".... are you sure?"

"100%"

And now, what appears to be candy corn, sandwiched between two half-rounds of plain cake, all smashed onto a bed of... pimento... brains?

Remember when balloons on cake was a thing? And flowers? Those were the days.

And finally, Susan found this under the heading (heh) "Naughty but Nice," so I assume it's NSFW... but I can't for the life of me figure out HOW:

Somebody get me a old priest, a young priest, and an anatomy book.

Thanks to Vanessa, Jacob B., Andrea P., & Susan C. for the world's naughtiest furry hockey stick.

*****

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