My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Happy Wending!

So Jen and I are in Texas, a state which apparently holds a deep and sordid hatred for me. See, I'm sick. Not dying-in-the-hospital sick but sick, nonetheless. And it's cold. And wet. And in the past week, we've moved ten thousand pounds of knick-knacks across Texas which, it turns out, takes approximately 7,000 hours to drive through, the whole time praying we don't plow into some random cow or windmill. Oh yeah... did I mention Jen's a bit grumpy?

So I'm doing today's wreck, and I'm pretty much just gonna rant. Let me set the stage:

Expensive wedding in the Philippines.
The finest catering.
The perfect beach setting.

And this:

I know, right? I feel the same way. But what I want to know is how hard is it, when you're on a freaking tropical island, to find fruit that isn't so close to being rotten that it makes your kids tipsy. And what's with the icing?!? I've iced a few cakes in my time and I've never seen anything like that. I take that back. Last week, my cat licked my shmeared bagel when I wasn't looking and it looked a lot like that. I mean seriously people!

*propping self up in hotel bed*

And another thing!


Nah... that's enough. Just one last thing: I've met a ton of Texans while I've been here and one thing is true of them all: they're all so stinkin' nice. What I want to know is how do you stay that way when your state is constantly trying to KILL YOU?!?!?!?!

(me sneezing)
(yet again)

Thanks to Erica.

Related Wreckage: Tour Wreck

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Reader Comments (209)

Get feeling better soon and let us know if you any corny jokes, OK?

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenniffer

GET WELL SOON!!!!!!!!!

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbeautifulmonday

Ah, welcome to Texas: The State of Allergies. If you don't have 'em when you get here, you'll have 'em by the time you leave!

And, I don't know exactly where you ARE in Texas, but one word of advice: Avoid I-10--it's the interstate of the devil. Once you near any large metropolis, I-10 spawns traffic. 3am? TRAFFIC.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterstewbie2

Welcome back to Texas! :) Sorry you're sick and the weather sucks! Just remember, huge state=lots of love! Tammy in Austin

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTammy

I love the happy birthday wrapping paper the side cakes are sitting on!

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Maybe we Texas have just learned to agilely avoid it's attempts, or we've made nice and now it let's us stay. It's like living in the fire swamp, you know. Just watch out for ROUS-es and you'll be fine.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErin

Maybe the dog in the background licked it :0)

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Get well soon, John.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

So sorry you're sick again, but Texas loves you guys! Oh and it's easy to be nice all the time when the temperature rarely drops below freezing!!!! Now if we could figure out how to get rid of this humidity it would be paradise!

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMisty Dawn


February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Sorry you're not feeling too well. Hope you get well soon.
Well, considering some of the other things I've seen on this site, that is certainly not the worst of wending wrecks. Mum is getting married in less than 10 hrs and I am praying to the Gods her cake is not a monstrosity. If it is a good one (either way), I'll send it in.
Tropical islands do have fresh fruit somewhere... jsut the local wreckorators don't know where (apparently). Sad!

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commentershikishinobi

Glad you could visit Texas! We're so pleased to have you. Now, just start feeling better.

That frosting looks like cool-whip smeared on it. Ick.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKerri

John and Jen,
Welcome to Texas! Truly, the state only tries to kill you 1/2 the time. We have at least 5 weeks of nice weather a year. Well, maybe 3.5.
Sorry you don't feel well.

The entire presentation of the wending cake is pathetic. Nasty fruit, cruddy icing job....


February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You should come to Mississippi. We're just as nice and we won't try to kill you. Most of us are a little too fat to move.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterScottA

lol...we moved to Texas in October and have been sick almost the entire solid time.


February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBL

I am a Texan, born and raised. I've moved to many, many states over the years. There's no people as Texans!!!!!

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCraig-Jen

As nice as Texans are, you'd probably be wise to stay out of that particular state.....

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTabitha Corsica

Yikes! Did anyone else notice that the checker board paper under the two side cakes says "Happy Birthday"? What a wreck!

Hope you're feeling better soon John. ;)

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterEternal Helpmates

First....don't die. Hope you feel better soon. Second....that cake is UGLY! My dog could have done better with his tail. BTW, we will be moving from Ohio to Arizona in less than 2 weeks! At least it's a one-way trip.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

I'm also sick. I hate the winter almost as much as I love it.
Get well soon!
Can we submit this one to

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

Oh man. Nearly-rotten fruit! Suuuuuper yummy! *grimace* I could deal with the cake looking, to be honest, but the gross fruit? Nuh uh!

As for living here in Texas and being able to remain nice...

I usually don't wander outside much these days unless I need to do some something important. (...not that I ever really leave my house anyway. Too much sunshine most of the time! Especially during the summer. Heat + sunshine = sickly Druston.)

It's the only way I can keep from getting sick during the cold, wet season here in the DFW area. But of course, I suppose if you're traveling or here on business of some sort, you don't have much of a choice.

I hope you feel better! And I hope that should you ever come back to Texas, it won't try to kill you for the umpteenth time. ._.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDruston

I've seen something like that icing before. It resembles the texture on our plaster ceiling!

Hope you feel better soon!

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbassgirl

Kinda looks like the whole things washed ashore overnight...

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Shitty Astrologer

Welcome to TEXAS!!! Sorry you're having a rough go of it. I think that is why we Texans love our state so much. It is way too long of a drive to try to get out of it so we just vacation within. The weather really sucks this week. Usually it's beautiful this time of year. The only time that it isn't scorching hot!

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

If it's any consolation, I'm a native Texan and I'm sick right now, too. We usually blame any problems on all the "derned foreigners" (i.e. non-Texans) that move here, but actually we're all secretly happy that everyone else has figured out that Texas rocks. :) Hope you're better and hope you're not anywhere near Plano this time. But if you are I'll take you out to lunch.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonna from The Colony, TX

Welcome to Texas! Buy some Zyrtec - you probably have allergies.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTammy

Allergy meds and learning how to drive on country roads and be hyper-aware of livestock.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

1. Happy Birthday paper under the cakes. What??

2. Is that sand stuck all over the cakes blown up there by the wind, or was it deliberate? Mmm, crunchy texture, just what I want on my wedding cake pile of old fruit...

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBek

if you click on the picture and see it up close - it looks like there is sand in the frosting - yummy. now where's the phone number to my nearest dentist?

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermn_me

I too love the Happy Birthday wrapping paper they used under the two cakes in the front. I don't think I would eat that cake though. I am pretty positive they did not even bother to wash the fruit and most foreign places still use "natural human" fertilizers. When we went to Europe after watching one farmer at a B&B we stayed at "fertilize" his farm we throughly not only washed but scrubbed and peeled everything. LOL Love the blog, hope you feel better!

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRenee

I must have missed why you guys are back in Texas. But ja the allergies, sinus infections will kick your butt eight ways from Sunday.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter~me

I moved to TX in September, and have been sick ever since. I've been told it takes at least 6 months to get used to the new germs and allergens. Fun times, man, fun times.
I really have no comments on that sad, sad cake, tho. It looks like I feel, I think.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJasry

Bless you!

And in case you're wondering, no, that icing doesn't look any better through non-bleary eyes. Ugh. At least the topper looks nice...if the slightest bit gigantic.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFlartus

Ah, yes. We Texans sure are nice until you drive in traffic (yes Stewbie2 is right, stay away from I-10 please, for the LOVE OF GOD!)! And I too am sick, we have every type of allergy here and some that I've only heard of living here, we're special like that too!

Be safe, be careful and get well. And if you're in the panhandle watch out for snow. If you're in the San Antonio area lets do lunch when you're better!

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelanieP

I miss Texas, I'm one of those stinkin' nice Texans that no longer lives there, boo! I do hope you feel better though, take some Zyrtec and you'll probably feel better, it's always allergies in Texas.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAllie

OH WOW! Are you coming to the Austin cake show in a few weeks? I've been bugging the lead organizers to invite you and last I'd heard they'd emailled you but hadn't heard back and we all want you to come to the show!

It's a sci-fi theme this year! Check out my early teaser photos of my sci-fi-mega cake: You KNOW you HAVE to come see a cake with a Hal brain room on it!

So many people in Austin couldn't come to your second book signing and I'm quite certain you could have another signing at the show. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease come!

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

It must be doubly hard to look at this disaster when you're not feeling well. I just don't get the unpeeled fruit on top - and I'm REALLY hoping those are crumbs in the icing.

Nice doggie, though.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBoogie Bear

Cedar Fever. Yes, there really is such an ailment. Hold on to your nose when you sneeze, because cedar pollen is like the gunpowder of allergies.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAuntie Meme

I've heard that all Texans are actually from Canada. That would explain the niceness. They try to cover up their Canadian heritage with that thick accent and Texan talk but deep down, yep, Canadian.

Love your blog, the fam and I have been here almost daily for the past year, lurking, never commenting, just always laughing. But I thought I'd better set you straight on the Texas nice people thing. Hope you feel better soon. (Maybe some garlic cake? Or vitamin C cupcakes, with pooh swirls of course! That always makes me feel better...)

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDawn

What I want to know is how do you stay that way when your state is constantly trying to KILL YOU?!?!?!?!

And you haven't even met the mosquitoes, scorpions and rattlesnakes yet! Allergies are awful right now. Hope you feel better soon!

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCharlotte (Matilda)

mmmm...Texas! The only state that has 4 seasons all at once! Glad you could join us!

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLBMM

It's because we've got a symbiotic relationship with the state! Sorry you're sick and hope the weather clears up while you are here.

Ew to the cake - I don't think I'd want any of that fruit anywhere near my wedding!

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Hey, we live in the greatest state in the nation. What's not to love and be happy about?

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm sorry that you're feeling down, but this is the place to be!! We're all so happy because Texas rocks! Even when it sucks, it rocks! Unlike today's wreck....all I can say is, someone was smokin' some pineapple. Enjoy the lone star state and stop at Chicken Express for some sweet tea if you get a chance! Love yall! (from Huntsville)

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCourtney C.

So sorry to hear about you being sick!!
Great wreckage today - thanks!

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Texas is swell, promise. But it is DAMN big. I laughed when we moved to Wilmington, DE for five years and folks wouldn't go to NYCity or DC because it was just "too far". HA! Hell, that is just Waco from here (Austin). El Paso is FAR. Maybe even Dallas to Houston or to San Antonio. Maybe. But one hundred miles to the coolest cities on earth? Not far.

I see the comment about I-10. Its not the devil. Interstate 35 through almost anywhere is the devil. Folks drive so nice on I-95. Folks in Texas are nice out of their cars. IN the cars, not so much.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterF

Not to be a hater, but not all fruit is genetically altered pesticide covered American fruit shipped straight to your grocer every morning.

Still a sloppy looking cake though.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterA.M.Bush

You know in Texas we say if you don't like the weather then just wait five minutes. Seriously though, I think Texans are optimistic and nice because they never know what is going to be thrown at them: tornados, hurricanes, hail, fire, torrential rain. Gotta roll with the punches. Everyone has allergies in Texas. We don't take sick time for allergies here unless we are dying -- or else we would be out sick all the time. Get some Zyrtec -- its the best.oh, and get well soon. Vaporizors and vicks help too.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNRML

So sorry you are ill... feel better soon!

As for the cake- THERE ARE WHOLE BROWNING BANANAS ON IT!!!!!!! For cryin' in a tin can people!!!


1) Feel better soon!

2) That fruit - no words. Blech.

February 5, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlbatross

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