Tomorrow is National Hat Day.
I'll pause here to allow you time to grasp the magnitude of that statement.
Now, as every red-blooded, hot-dog-eating, slightly-balding American knows, nothing is more important to our national identity than the hat. From the traditional baseball cap...
Fun fact: Baseballs were originally square. Look it up.
...to the sexy fedora...
I said, "the sexy fedora."
Now, where was I?
Hats are a regular part of our lives. As such, we should cherish this regularity...
...ten gallons at a time.
Hats are also a great way to celebrate certain festive occasions.
Like volcano eruptions:
Or massive, unexplained squid migrations:
Or even just winning a race by a hare:
So today, let's use our heads.
And, of course, stay safe out there...
...no matter how hard that may be.
Hey Mary R., Ellen B., Tonya M., Bridget E., Lindsey, ML, Erin G., Lindsey M., and Jo., no lie: it took me three months to realize that thing is supposed to be a hard hat.