My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The Future Is Now, And It's Talking Smack

With the arrival of the new SIRI for iPhone, we here at Cake Wrecks started thinking about all the other electronics that can or soon will be talking to us.

In a way it's comforting. Think about it: conversation without the annoying presence of actual humans? WIN.

Plus, imagine the wonders of a world where this happens:

"I'm sorry, Dave; it's 2AM and your blood alcohol level is currently above the legal limit. I'm afraid I can't let you dial your ex right now."


Still, I suppose there could be downsides:

[beepbeep] "WARNING: recent social media data has shown that pin-striped flames on a Kia Soul aren't nearly as bad-ass as you think they are. Please try again."


Plus, eventually all talking technology starts thinking it knows what's best for us:


"Would you like to play a game of Rock Band?"

"Then perhaps we should work on your hand/eye coordination. Based on your previous scores, I have determined you are far better suited for a game of Pong. Please stand by for level one."


And then you KNOW these things are going to get all smarty-pants sarcastic on us, right?

"Hey, way to go on that last round of Portal 2. Really impressive. I believe you even set a new record: Longest time spent cursing a potato.

"By the way, you're making me long for the Red Ring of Death over here. Might I suggest a shower? Or a wet wipe?"


And I shudder to think what our remote controls would say...

"I know how many hours of Jersey Shore are on your TiVo, man. DON'T PUSH ME."


Thanks to Luci, Rachel S., Heather B., Diane B., & Kimberly V. for showing us... THE FUTURE. Now, I'm off to have a heart-to-heart with the toaster. When the day comes, I want that thing on my side.

« With This Wreck, I Thee Wed | Main | Columbus Day! »

Reader Comments (41)

"Open the garage bay doors, HAL."

"I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Love the 2001 reference. One of my fav movies. My dryer already buzzes at me. That is about all the lip I need from appliances.

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJess

Jen, have you ever read Tom Holt? He's a British author who's absurdly difficult to ahold of in the US, but totally worth the effort. Anyway, that last remark about having a heart-to-heart with the toaster sounds suspiciously like one of his books, "Open Sesame", in which the appliances DO talk to our heroine, to make up for her father, Ali Baba ( yes, THAT Ali Baba), not being there and...oh, read it.

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Now I want to watch War Games.

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

What kind of occassion calls for cakes that look like THAT ?! D:

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMINDY1

Well, at least they seem to have some idea of what an XBox 360 looks like. But what's with the marshmallow ghost boomerang on top?


That's the controller?


October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

I was hearing this in HAL's voice until the X-Box one. Then it suddenly changed to GLADoS's voice.

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAubri

Yep, talk to that toaster...don't want any chance of Maximum Overdrive...

Never forget who made who


October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLoo-E Loo-I

The comment about the toaster reminded me of the talking toaster in Red Dwarf.

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEowyn

How fitting to have a portal reference in a cake blog

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPhreak

First cake's a little sad...I think the baker just phoned it in....but I really like the iHAL9000 voice app.... And, thanks for the help with the "guitar" looks like a mass of exploding hemorrhoids with poo, though I couldn't imagine what occassion calls for that kind of cake. Then I thought that in keeping with today's sort of sci-fi theme it was a reference to the classic film "Destroy All Planets" and represented the destruction of Uranus.....

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermel

Talkie the toaster! Howdy doodly doo, anyone for toast?

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterColin

WHAT is that third thing supposed to be?

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterYikes

I got every. Dang. Reference. Even the one's made by commenters. I don't know whether to feel proud of myself, ashamed of myself, or just plain old.

As for the CCC "guitar", haven't they figured out yet that you just plain CAN'T make a curvilinear object using cylindrical confectionery?! Eh, I answered my own question; they haven't. Durrrp.

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDenita TwoDragons

#1: Ha! Yeah! Teach those drunk texters!

#2: Haha! Yeah! Teach those wannabes!

#3: ha. ha. Yeah...teach those, uh, horrible Rock Banders. (nervous laughter accompanied by shifty eye movement.

#4: Heh. Yeah, teach those Xboxers. That shower thing was a little harsh, though. (Shifts from foot to foot, sweat beading on forehead.

#5: HA! Whew! I totally don't have any Jersey Shore Tivoed! What? No, you cannot see what I DO have Tivoed! I swear it's all Doctor Who and Stargate Atlantis. There are absolutely NO episodes of Kitchen Nightmares or Enterprise on there, AT ALL. Honest. (looks down and to the left.

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Okay, I'm here, but I have to say, I don't get the joke. These are just... puzzling... O.o ...

[Editor's note- Hi just. Honestly, it's not for everyone. You might check out the fan favorites on the right side of the page. This is one of my favorites: -john]

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjust me

"Honey? I think the kids monkeyed with the bread drawer.
Every time I open it, I hear "Hal instructions provide no bread until there is cake"
and the drawer slams shut."
"Honey, quick go buy a cupcake so I can make toast for the eggs this morning."

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermocking

You don't want to be friends with a toaster. Talky Toaster will drive you nuts.


Toaster: Howdy doodly do. How's it going? I'm Talkie, Talkie Toaster, your chirpy breakfast companion. Talkie's the name, toasting's the game. Anyone like any toast?

Lister: Look, I don't want any toast, and he doesn't want any toast. In fact, no one around here wants any toast. Not now, not ever. No toast.

Toaster: How 'bout a muffin?

Lister: Or muffins. Or muffins. We don't like muffins around here. We want no muffins, no toast, no teacakes, no buns, baps, baguettes or bagels, no croissants, no crumpets, no pancakes, no potato cakes and no hot-cross buns and definitely no smegging flapjacks.

Toaster: Aah, so you're a waffle man.


Lister: Him being on was the cause of the accident.

Kryton: What accident?

Lister: The one involving me, the toaster, the garbage disposal and the five pound sledge.

Toaster: That wasn't an accident that was first degree toasercide!


Holly: [her IQ has been increased to 12,000] Strike a light! I'm a genius again! I know everything! Metaphysics, philosophy, the purpose of being-everything! Ask me a question, any question, and I'll answer it.

Talkie Toaster: Any question?

Holly: Yes.

Talkie Toaster: How to break the speed of light? How to marry quantum mechanics and classical physics? Any question at all, truly anything and you will answer?

Holly: Yes.

Talkie Toaster: OK, here's my question: Would you like some toast?

Holly: No, thank you. Now ask me another.

Talkie Toaster: Do you know anything about the use of chaos theory in predicting weather cycles?

Holly: I know everything there is to know about chaos theory and predicting weather cycles.

Talkie Toaster: Oh, very well. Here's my second question: Would you like a crumpet?

Holly: I'm a computer with an I.Q. of 12,000. You don't seem to understand; I know the meaning of the universe.

Talkie Toaster: That's not answering my question.

Holly: [irritated] No, I would not like a crumpet! Now ask me a sensible question, preferably one that isn't bread related.

Talkie Toaster: Very well. I have a third question. A sensible question. A question that will tax your new I.Q. to its very limits and stretch the sinews of you knowledge to bursting point.

Holly: This is going to be about waffles, isn't it?

Talkie Toaster: Certainly not. And I resent the implication that I'm a one-dimensional, bread-obsessed electrical appliance.

Holly: I apologise, toaster. What's the question?

Talkie Toaster: The question is this: Given that God is infinite, and that the universe is also infinite... would you like a toasted teacake?

Holly: That's another bready question.

Talkie Toaster: It's not just bready. It's quite curranty, too.

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

SIRI, short of SIRIus Cybernetics Corporation. (GPP module soon to be coming!)
"Share and enjoy!"

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

What, no Battlestar Galactica toaster comments yet? If I were creative I'd think of one.

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNew Commenter

Oh, hey, Talkie Toaster's cool.

As long as you keep giving him all your bread.
Oh, and pass the Pong, please.

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterchaitea

Just find a way to make sure you AREN'T already a toaster, talking to another toaster. Because that will blow your mind. erm. Circuitry.

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterElsa

Jen, I love you :)

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteranangeldisgraced

I already have an extremely judgemental video game system - Wii Fit. "Measuring... measuring... measuring... you are too heavy... you are not very flexible..."

Oh yeah!?!? Back into the box for you!!

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlissa

Now I'm thinking of all the electronics I want on my good side--my alarm clock would have to be the first.

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCourtney

I own a Soul and that cake made me cry!

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLizzyBean

Do you know how much people would PAY to have a phone that doesn’t let them drunk dial their ex? Don’t look at me- I don’t drink any more…

I’m only sad there were no Nutri Matic cakes to poke fun of- you know- they taste almost, but not quite, entirely unlike cake.

Proud grin: never have watched Jersey Shore. (please don't ask about Millionaire Matchmaker please)

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

Those are not pin stripes on the Kia Soul!!! That's BACON!!!!!

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLinda B

Barnes & Noble just sent me an email that "Wreck the Halls" is shipping!!!
(happy dance happy dance happy dance)

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

Wait.. so the cake's NOT a lie?

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJess

Isolder74, you are my kind of people. That CCC was a guitar?!!!!??

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersuzeckis

"Don't push me" !!!!! Love you, Jen!

October 11, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterVK

Hmm that XBOX looks like it is growing a very bizarre crescent roll. Hmm none of those cakes look all that appealing but if my remote looked like it had poo for buttons I would never, ever watch tv again..scary wrecks lol.

October 12, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

What's Siri? Am I an idiot?

October 12, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMissNayB

[Portal 2 spoilers]

Cave Johnson begins work on GLaDOS, dies of cancer, has Caroline uploaded in his place and the rest is psychotic history... Steve Jobs begins work on Siri, dies of cancer - hmm. If you need me, I'll be preparing for testing.

[/Portal 2 spoilers]

October 12, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterM.

The Brave Little Toaster talked but not nearly as funny as Talkie apparently. Still you could be friends with the Brave Little Toaster Jen. Not only is he cute but he will save you from the evil appliances of the universe.

I spent far too many nights watching that movie when my daughter was little.

October 12, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

That last cake make me LOL SO MUCH!

That's nothing to the hours of anime I have on MY DVR!

October 13, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

THANK YOU to whoever posted the talkie toaster conversation. Jen, pleeeeease tell me in all your geekiness that you love Red Dwarf too!!

October 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterErin

The line about the toaster made me think of Red Dwarf's "Talkie Toaster". "Oh, just because I'm a toaster I'm tone-deaf?"

October 15, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterchelonianmobile

Kind of reminds me of the German comedian who wrote this book in which he talks extensively about the conversations he's had with his fridge named "Bosch". Funny stuff, but I take it you don't read German. ;-)
Also, I'm equally intrigued by and scared of Siri. But if one day they manage to make an AnthroPC like, you know, on Questionable Content, I don't think I'd be able to resist. At least not if I could get one that looked like a kitten.

October 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulia

Go GLADOS! Quote: "You made someone who was designed to be a moron take over. And now I'm a potato". So funny! Also, all my friends say I can do a great impression of GLADOS. Yay!!!!

November 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterG

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