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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

A Star Is Born

"Hey Lou, Boss said to make some Hanukkah cakes."

"Comin' right up!"

"Lou, Hanukkah is a holiday, not a person. And it's not spelled like that."

"Oh, ok. So what do Hanukkah cakes look like?"

"Kind of like Christmas cakes, only with more blue and white."

"No problem."

"Uh, I don't think trees are kosher. Stars are better. Stars with six points."

"Good. Now let's talk about that spelling.


"Here, [offering photograph] copy this picture of a candlestick thingy, and then put a star in the middle of it."

"Wrong star. You need to add an extra point.


"Tell you what: Try again, and just go with what you know. The only important things are the stars and the happy Hanukkah. Got it?"



Thanks to Jill S., The G.'s, Isa D., Anony M., and Elizabeth C. for showing us a new way to draw a Star of David. And happy Hanukkah, everybody!

« Wrecky Replay: To Be Read By Rod Serling | Main | And I Have No Privacy! »

Reader Comments (42)

I can almost hear the accents as this plays out in my head.... good job. :D

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

These are just so pathetic that they're great. Especially the comments.

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBeth S.

Is that a starFISH on the "Happy Hannkkah!" cookie cake? Are those kosher?

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Hanukkah isn't really hard to spell. It's spelled like this: חנוכה

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKT

I kind of like the star on the Hannnkkkh cake. Looks like it's about to start tapp-ddancing.

Maybe the Wiccan star on the menorah cake was a deliberate attempt to make it cross-cultural. No? The last one... are piles of colored poo with sperm on top a new Hanukkah decoration? Speaking of poo, what IS that scary brownish blob in the background on the counter?

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBeverly Diehl

I'm pretty sure those cakes removed a chunk of my intelligence....DOH!

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDannysMum

Well I think they're NICE!

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlice the Camel

The second-to-last one is perfect for the Jewish-Pagan interfaith family.

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChristi

Uh. You know Hanukkah ended last night, right? As in, it's over?

[Editor's note- Huh. Everything I can find everywhere online says that it ends at sunset on the 28th, which is today. But we've been wrong before. Sorry. -john]

[Editor's side note many hours later (3am)- I'm always amazed at how rude people can be when they are anonymous on the internet. I'd like to think that most of our readers would be kinder when pointing out our apparent mistakes. For instance, "Hey guys, didn't Hanukkah end last night?" See? Nice. Gentle. Gets the point across. If you're wrong, it's cool. But when you phrase it in such a patronizing, middle school way, being wrong seems that much worse. Sometimes, I imagine how amazing the internet could be if we all took a moment to think before we wrote. I should probably go to bed now. -john]

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Ironically a 5 point star is a Jewish religious symbol that may have been actually been on the original Menorah.

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

That last cake--OY VEY! In an attempt to make balloons that do not look sperm-like, this wreckerator has instead adorned this cake with multicolored oozing pustules. How very festive.

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Thanks for the laugh on the last day of Hanukkah! (Yes... sundown tonight ends the whole thing)
And remember... "Keep the Han (Solo) in Hanukkah!"

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Are we sure the last one is even supposed to be a Hanukkah cake? "Happy Hani[scribble]" could be just about anything.

Taking bets now on whether any of the featured items are kosher.

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

No, John- you're right. Hanukkah ends tonight at sunset. Thanx for these great wrecks. Great way to celebrate the last day!

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermiriam

I wonder what kosher steaming piles of rainbow poo would look like...

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Does that last cake say Hani krum? And I was sure the 5 pointed star on the menorah was a Texan edition.

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAdoAnnie

They're all better than Sandra Lee's Chaannuukkaahh cake.
Now, bring on the Kwanza cakes.

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Wow. And I thought I knew all the ways to spell Cchhaannuukkaahh. ;)

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

The last one looks like a health class cake, only the woman's eggs are colored.

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKate

Meh. Amateur. AMATEUR, I say, when compared to the timeless glory that is Sandra Lee's Hanukkah masterpiece.

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSvhadden

Um, well, see on #2- sort of over to the left…yeah. Which apparently led to # 5…

@Fluffy Cow- I love you (in a non-freaky kind of way).

@SuBee- I wondered who would invoke the SL cake!! Congradulationes.

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

I always thought the traditional spelling was Chanukah.

Regardless, Sierra Mist burns when gigglesnorted out one's nose.

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkaycie

Yes, John, you're right. Chanukah ends tonight, Wednesday, December 28th at sundown. Now, go smoke your MARIJUANICA!!

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

*DOC Alert* -- The SL has been invoked, but thanks to Jen, there was no damage and no visual contact. That is all.

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

OY VEY!!! And I thought I'd seen it all!

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea in Austin

@kaycie, both "Hanukah" and "Chanukah" are traditionalal. The second does a better job of communicating the gutteral "Ch", though.

I love, btw, that none of the 6 pointed stars were made in the traditional manner (eg, two interlocking triangles). The last cake really took the cake there, though -- as the decorators clearly attempted to use the single stroke method for a 5 pointed star and attempted to adapt it to a 6 pointed star by, um, adding an extra point.

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermneme

@Craig, I agree we only reached DocConT2!

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

I'm thinking about hunkering down in the "let's go to Epcot for Chhaannuuuuukkkkkahhh" bunker until after sunset. Anyone with me? If you share your latkes with me, I'll share my Christmas cookies with you (they're a little stale, sorry).

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterElissa

Did anyone else notice that the cake with the Menorah has too many candles? Definitely not nine nights of Hannukah

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

@Elissa, I believe Chhhaannuuuuukkkkkahhh has six h's.

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I'm pretty sure Hanukkah ended last night. Considering that last night was the eighth night of Hanukkah. ))

I always find it funny when people find Stars of David hard to draw, but it was one of the first things I learned how to draw .... in my Jewish elementary school. xD
At least they got the hanukiah (not menorah! -biggest pet peeve ever, see below-) right, more or less!

@Stephanie ---- A hanukiah, which is the candelabra for Hanukah, has nine candle holders. One is for a candle we call the shammos, which we use to light the other eight. So on the first night there are two candles burning, second night, there are three, etc etc.
A menorah, which is an all-purpose candelabra, has seven candle holders, one of which is a holder for the shammos.

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPuck

@ SuBee, and Xmas has one 'X'.

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

@Stephanie - a proper chanukiyah (hebrew name for Hannukah menorah) has 9 candle spots since we do not light the chanukah candles with a match but rather with a helper candle called a shamash.

And I love that the "6" pointed stars on the sperm cake look vaguely like the StarTrek communicator badges. Spock would be appreciative. Live long and prosper.

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTexAirhead

@ Stephanie...a Hanukkah menorah does have nine for each of the eight nights plus one that is used to light them...AKA the "helper" candle or shamash.

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjoanie

oh, man, we're heading for a double Epcot!!! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

@ Stephanie - I believe there are 9 candles on a menorah...the ninth in the middle is the one that is used to light the other candles. I could be wrong though.

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkate

To clarify for the confused - last night (the 27th) was the last NIGHT of Chanukah, wherein we lit all eight candles on the menorah (or chanukiah, for the purists). Sunset today officially ends the holiday, as all Jewish holidays go from sunset to sunset, but we do not light candles tonight, as we light them for each night, not each day.

Ahem. And now the teacher in me is satisfied.

Also? I'm desperately in love with the star on cake 3, and I now want to draw all of my stars of David in exactly that fashion, because it is indeed quite awesome.

December 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSara

Lol wow.. so many scary cakes and so much laughter. Good thing I don't have a soda as I read this. I have learned from other people's comments what not to do while on this site lol. I feel sorry for any of the customers if they actually bought these cakes.

December 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

I just want to say that I appreciate the comments made about the five-pointed star. I must know/work with too many religious nuts but I expect there to be more freaking along the lines of, "ZOMG, it's-a-pentagram-it-must-be-of-the-devil" variety.

Thank you all for knowing that it is simply a pagan/wiccan symbol and not evil :)

Some of these cakes on the other hand...

December 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMissy

Perhaps that second cake was supposed to be a dreidel? (A poorly executed one, but that's what I thought of.) It's a CCC, after all...patooie! Kind of sad that so many people don't know how to properly draw a Star of David, but then again, this IS Cake Wrecks...

December 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermedrecgal

Some of the issue is that Jewish days start and end at sundown, so it's very easy to misread the calendar.
I was also unaware that there was a wrong way to spell Khannuc#ah.

December 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteranon

@Puck, @TexAirhead, @Joanie, @Kate:
Good to know! You learn something new everyday!

December 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

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