My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Way To Use Your Head!

Remember those helmet-shaped cookie cakes they rolled out for football season?

See, you can tell it's a helmet by the two tiny helmets stuck inside it.

Well, it turns out that football helmet cakes aren't quite as hot right now, what with football season being over and all. At least, I think it is. By which I mean: I have no idea. I mean, I suppose I could look it up or something, but that would require a modicum of effort, and who has the time when Modern Family's about to start?

So, let's just operate under the assumption that football season IS in fact over, and then we can move on, ok? Ok.

Now, with football season over...[warning glare]...bakeries have had to figure out what to do with all these helmet-shaped pans. 'Cuz Crocker knows, they certainly can't NOT use them.

(Hey, do you ever get the sense that I'm leading up to something?)

(Why? No reason. Just curious.)


Vomiting Cookie Monster.

[dusting off hands] My work here is done.

Or....IS IT?


Yep. Now that's a triple-header, right there.

Thanks to Adam S., Nicki L., & Krystal H., who still think the Avatar face was better. The spoil-sports.

« Bridal Terrors | Main | Sunday Sweets to Put a Spring in Your Step »

Reader Comments (71)

Hahaha! You know, all those cookies have to have the effect sometimes, why not give kids nice warning...cake cake.

Say kids, don't eat too much cookies and cake or THIS we happen. AHHHH!!!!

Delicious and educational

Cookie Monster vomiting, presumably from overindulging in cookies, presented in the form of a cookie. Is that sending a mixed message or what?

In this case, a cookie is a no-times food!

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

It would be such a shame for bakeries not to use those helmet-shaped plastic containers so that they can end up in a land fill or in the ocean ASAP!

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

Man, these "cakes" are beyond lame. They would've done better just to leave the shelves empty.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMs. Blasé

Wow, that's really stretching it. No explanation for the little cutout part either.

BTW, where does one buy naked mohawk baby carrot jockeys? I'm in need of some for a project (don't ask). I can't even think what to Google to come up with them. Somehow they will always be NMBCJ's, which I think Jen should trademark.

wv: flunisms
All those words that describe flu symptoms - coughing, sneezing, achey, fever, etc.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

I can see potential in the flowers... What if you were to flatten the bottom chin strap and use the small part as a clay base (frosting applied) and do a big bouquet of flowers coming out in the helmet?

Yea it would be frosting overload for sure but sure look better than what they created!!

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm saddened by the lack of creativity on the final three cookies. Why try to force the shape to look like a lopsided bouquet, balloon or baboon butt (tilt your head to the left-- now you can't unsee it), when the shape is already just about perfect for a super-cute nautilus cake?

~M is for mollusk, that's good enough for me~

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

It's the second day of Spring and it's been snowing for an hour and we already have around two inches on the ground. So I don't care what you say. I really needed to see those beautiful spring helmet flowers and cheery helmet balloons AND that pinkish orangish helmet-like thing.
If I close my eyes and picture them, I can almost forget that I have to go find my shovel.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

hey, they're just trying to think outside the box. or in this case, outside the helmet...

vomiting cookie monster! how unappetizing! and ironically, he's a cookie.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

vomiting cookie monster, presented as a cookie product, is a perfect example of failure in marketing.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjo

triple header! LOL

wv: monstie. a cutsie name for a baby monster.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh. My. God. There is no way I would eat a Vomiting Cookie Monster cake. And what is that cake on the far right in the last picture? Just smeared with a thick layer of frosting? Ewwww.

Indy deserves that first wreck.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm so very tempted to walk in to the baker's and order a vomiting Cookie Monster cake! :)

wv: bulacuxo- the sound Cookie Monster makes when vomiting.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCait

No Ma'am. That's not a helmet with flowers on it. It is just a lovely spring bouquet. Yes, I know there are added details on the clear lid that lead you to believe you are looking at the new helmet for the Deleware Daisies high school football team but I assure you that is just a coincidence. There is no trademark violation here.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

What is on that third cookie in the last pic? Looks like boxing gloves - which would go soooo well with the flowers and balloons. Just sayin...

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

I think the first helmet cake/cookie/whatever it is actually resembles what it's supposed to represent (some kind of a first on cakewrecks, I think, at least for helmet molds).

No harm was caused to any cookie monsters in the making of these wrecks (though he may have a sick tummy).

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMuria


March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Don't you wonder if Cookie Monster is vomiting because they have made him start eating
more veggies and fruits so now he can't eat all the cookies he wants any more?

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy J

Maybe these cookies cakes are leftovers from football season because the bakers also didn't realize that football season is indeed over. (For some of us, it never even started.) So when whichever unlucky or foolish soul buys this garish hoax of a cookie cake, he or she will have one less tooth to show for biting into it. Perhaps this is why cookie monster is toothless. He doesn't take the time to discern a fresh cookie cake from a last-season antique. Then he barfs it all up. Poor poor cookie monster. Let us all learn from his mistake.

wv - nonfe: At least nonfe of these cakes look like poo!

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHannah B

To be fair, the flower one is sort of cute. I'd much rather eat that than a Cookie Monster who is so obviously suffering from a bout of gastrointeritis.

WV: Sothe. As in 'Cookie Monster needs some Malox to sothe his upset tummy...omnomnoBLARAAAAGH'. (and yes, I know it's spelled 'soothe'.)

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterM

Hmmm. To me, the shape just begs to be made into a crystal skull ala numerous Mayan archaeological scams or Indiana Jones.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

What the...???

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I feel the same way about blue frosting as I feel about blue hair dye...just no.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDJ Twisted Sister

Tricia L-
You can get them online at Hobby Lobby I think. The mohawk babies. I don't think they come with carrots - yet. :)


March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMeredith

it's a whoopee cushion, the one on the far right, isn't it?

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDJ

Football helmets reproduce asexually, as you can see here, where a couple of little buds are already developing into baby helmets. They will soon split off from the mother helmet and go their own way.

Next time: How to pipe the team logo completely wrong, even when you have two small correct images of it on the very same cake

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Y'know, the Cookie Monster Cookie could be improved by making the chinstrap section into his hand (paw?), stuffing a cookie into his mouth. It would still be a leftover helmet cookie, but a tad less disturbing.


March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Classic! Not to mention the Colts logo is SIDEWAYS on the original...

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJuliYaYa

What the fiz-uk?

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

That barfing cooking monster made me want to toss my cookies!

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

*shaking head*

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

The first one doesn't bother me in structure execution so much, just the decorative execution. They HAVE the team logo on the little plastic things RIGHT THERE. And they still put it on wrong. Vomiting Cookie Monster is absolute genius.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

Without the proper outline in frosting, the shape can be misconstrued as skulls. Maybe an early Halloween? As a Bear's fan, I can't help but be happy seeing the butchered job of the Colt's helmet.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJiu Jitsu Los Angeles

Sure, rub it in that the NFL has a lockout. With the possibility of no football next year, that means we will be subjected to even more "improvisation" of the helmet pans.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterVicki

They must have wanted to use up the helmet-shaped plastic containers or something. And is that red thing on the right in the last picture supposed to be a heart, or a boxing glove? Not really sure. And why, oh why, would anyone want a vomiting cookie monster cake? Even before I read the commentary, that's what I thought it was. Btw, great commentary again today!

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLaura P.

ahhhh... this reminds me of the great Carvel "Cookiepus" trend of the mid 1980s.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlelly

That bottom image, the cake on the right? Did someone decide that perhaps to counteract the vomiting, they'd add pepto to the frosting? EWWWW.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermissoularedhead

I just had the worst weekend of my life, and that puking cookie monster was probably the only think that could cheer me up right now. Thanks, Jen, for being there every crappy morning to make the day a little less crappy with other people's crappy cakes (and your side-splitting commentary).

Also, you could convert the sideways helmet cake into a hot air balloon with minimal wreckiness.

wv: skerie. Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterInaya

@Tricia L: I see them periodically in the cake sections of craft stores, but if you've got a cake decorator's supply shop nearby they'll either have them or be able to order them for you.

Google for cake decorating plastic babies.

As someone else posted, you need to do your own carrots until such time as Jen and Jon truly take over the world and start their own cake supply biz. OMG I a silicone pan in the shape of carrot jockeys! NOW! STAT! Pretty please?

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

[warning glare] LOL!

To be fair, the plastic lid does say "reusable" on it. Reusable as a vomiting cookie monster? Maybe not. But, reusable nonetheless.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

What, no mushrooms? I could totally see a lovely Amanita muscaria made out of one of these molds. It could be sold as an "EAT ME" cake!

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterD.B. Echo

Ok, going out on a limb here, but maybe Cookie Monster isn't barfing, maybe those are just crumbs flying out of his mouth....maybe? I think I may be permanently damaged at the thought of Cookie Monster tossing chunks.. om nom nom nom blerg

wv:malticro - Suzie got a new dog. Its a malitcro. Half maltese, half crocodile...

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

What would possess someone to make a ralphing Cookie Monster (ooh, accidental double muppet reference -- and yes, I know it's spelled Rowlph, before the nitpickers start)?

I keep trying to see some other option for what they were attempting, and there just isn't anything!

I guess they feel compelled to use up all of the helmet-shaped containers, just in case football suddenly disappears completely and never comes back.

wv - thavi

I'm not thavi enough to get all of the fabulouth referentheth of the Cake Wreckth crew! Thomtimeth I have to rethort to a thearch engine.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEllen



March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLCT

Oh them bakers a break this one time!
They are following the direction printed right on the plastic cover. It's in all caps... so they HAD to do it

wv: deries, you can't see it but cookie monster had the deries along with the upset stomach

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I have to agree with Inaya: thanks for making this crappy day better. Between the commentary and the comments-ary, I've almost laughed away my bad temper. Maybe it's time to hit the archives to get rid of the rest of it.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDeirdre

Is it bad that I'm kinda liking the vomiting cookie monster...I mean... he is kinda adorable in a wierd way...

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlly

That Cookie Monster seriously had me laughing out loud! I would have most likely bought that for my husband just because it was so funny. :P

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterB.J. Caulfield

Instead of waiting for CM to toss his cookies, the wreckerators should have tossed these.

D.B. Echo said, "It could be sold as an 'EAT ME' cake!" That's the attitude conveyed by most wrecks, is it not?

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I'm surprised i didn't see a flaming basketball. I was expecting a flaming basketball, wreckers.

Also, glad to know I'm not the only one who can see a potential skull in that shape.

March 21, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKatjaMouse

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>