I'll Just Have The Salad, Thanks.

Never before has a delicious food made to look like another delicious food made me want to LOSE my food quite...like... this:

To be fair, this is exactly what pizza looks like - if you make it with old Cheez Whiz, moldy beet slices, algae, and blueberries. (AKA the "Nothing beets berry cheesy seaweed!" special.)


I was about to ask why someone would make a cake that looks like cherry pie...

...but then I realized no one did.


[What do you mean, "no one says that anymore?" I just heard some hep cat on the YouTubes saying it last week! Stop crammin' my jive, H-dub.]

[I do SO know what I'm saying, John. You're just jelly of my lyrical songifications, mug-buzz.]


Not entirely sure what's happening here, but I'll tell you this:

That's fowl.

"See, just imagine the caramel sauce as glistening rivulets of semi-congealed grease, and the green stuff as... Hey! Where are you going?"


And finally, put down that coffee, and allow me to introduce you to...

Cockroach Steak: the other other white meat.


All hail Greg, Emily H., Lindsay I., and Erica R., slayers of appetites!