My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

No Mean Feet

If you want a simple theme for a baby shower, it's hard to go wrong with cute little footprints.

Unless the baker misses the "little" part, of course:


 Good grief, MY feet are smaller than that. Are you trying to give the mom-to-be a heart attack, bakers?


'Cuz if so, this is also an excellent way to go about it:

"Suddenly Nicola's plans for a natural, drug-free delivery seemed really, really stupid."

And how's the kid even fitting in there, Nicola? Do you have a TARDIS belly? o.0


Oh, wait, or maybe the kid is shaped like this:

 On the plus side, he probably won't fall over much.


But we were talking about footprints, weren't we?

Which might be what these are supposed to be. Maybe. Allegedly.


Hey, ever wanted to see a duck with human feet that only walks backwards?

Well, tough. You're going to see one anyway:

Embrace the insanity. 

And then waddle backwards with it.


"Sadly, little Mike's dream of becoming a professional dancer came with a slight disadvantage:"

And here I thought that was just a figure of speech.


Of course, the absolute creepiest thing you can do with a footprints shower theme is mistake "footprints" for actual feet:

Somewhere a quartet of elves is literally foot-loose and fancy-free*. 

And probably pissed.


*If by "fancy" you mean "feet."


Thanks to today's arch-enemies [smirk] Layli S., Arlene P., Linda A., Gianna M., Anony M., Melissa B., & Becca H. for the sole-full feets.

« Is There No "Just Us"? | Main | 'Scuse Me, I Think Your Fly Is Down... »

Reader Comments (52)

I'm guessing either peanuts or earlobes on the 4th cake.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercc

....aaannnnnd Baby Gavin's personal theme song will be, "Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down".

Sung to “Doe, a deer”

Oh, my dear, Schwartz feet cause fear
Nicola’s labor won’t be fun
Gavin can’t propel himself
Peanut feet will never run
Those duck prints fill me with dread
Mike has two left feet, I know
Extra feet march straight ahead
Don’t the Wreckerators know?

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

So in the last picture, is the baby going to be a pirate? I ask, because all I can think about when I see one foot and either the kid is going to be a boy, he's hung, and he's only got one foot, OR it could be either a boy or a girl, but either way they'll get to talk like a pirate for their entire lives 'cause they only have one foot and a peg leg.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJason

I laughed way too hard at that last one. Thanks for the laughs, I'm off to take my finals.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSarah M.

Is it just me or do the feet around that blue cake look like peanuts with toes?

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKayleen

I am just wondering why Nicola does not have a belly button....... and I am very impressed that they all got the number of toes correct!

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

These folks are in for a lifetime of difficulty in finding shoes that fit these interesting feet.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

Laughing so hard!!! Thanks for the hilarity!

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuzG

Hey, you've got the fifth cake all wrong. Those aren't the duck's footprints. The very, very dirty baby was shown a bath, but it had no water in and there was no room to get in because of this gigantic duck, so the kid just walked away ... till he came to a massive icing barrier, sank into it and was never seen again.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMorag

Obviously the duck/human cake was done by an avid Ranma 1/2 fan. The Baby fell in the well of the drowned rubber ducky and the water in the bath got cold.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMicrobial Tea

Excellent post. Who knew that little feet could be so difficult to master? All of these remind me of a shirt my friend was given for her latest pregnancy which had two little teensy pairs of foot prints (she had twins). It was really quite darling. I'm now realizing all of the things that could have gone horribly wrong--too big of prints, misshapen prints, footprints over her breasts. Whew, she really dodged a bullet.

Also, that duck in an easter egg boat with foot prints . . . makes no sense.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Oh man. Now, when I get pregnant, I want to get a maternity tee-shirt made that says "BIGGER ON THE INSIDE." In TARDIS blue, natch.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLaura B.

@Morag - giggle-snort!

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

Am I the only one who remembers how to make a baby footprint? You use the side of your hand for the foot part and fingerprints for the toes. It works on foggy windows! That would work on a cake, right?
In other news yesterday was my youngests 13th birthday. Mine is today. I spent my birthday that year in the hospital. Thankfully she didn't have feet that big!!!

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

Sharyn bwahahaha. some of those cakes would have been fine except for the size issue, the other ones D:

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

@Jodee in WA - Happy Birthday! When we start to see wreckorators licking the icing off of their fists we will know they took your advice.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

All I can think it "Never underestimate the power of the Schwartz!"

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTia

These cakes... have sole.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNyperold

I tried to write a comment...but I felt

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

Poor Gavin -- He has a Charlie Brown head which faces backwards, huge feet, no body and no arms.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPatti

*If by "fancy" you mean "feet."


December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCinders

@Jodee in WA: Happy birthday! How's the foot?

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

The Baby Gavin Cake matches the art style of the Captain Underpants art style.

The rest of the cakes are odd, and weird. Though the Duck on the cake is cute.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

Baby Schwartz's father can obviously say "I see your Schwartz is as big as mine!"


December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJason

weebles wobble but they don't fall down!

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergwen

Interesting, the babies in the bellies are both breech, since the feet are at the bottom and pointing up. So yes, the birth plan Nicola has is out the window, since she's probably looking at a C-section!

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTwinMom

So here we have the conclusion to "Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs." Gretchen, no longer called Snow White after getting knocked up by the woodcutter, is waiting expectantly for the birth of their love child. They assume its a boy, and judging by the size of his feet, takes after his father. In a fit of jealous rage, the woodcutter has pursued each of her former lovers, cutting off one of their feet as a trophy. The mathematicians in the audience will astutely count 8 feet. Yes, Virginia, there were 8 dwarfs. However, Antwan was considered too edgy for Disney's early production, so generations of children have been raised to believe that there were only 7. This cake was baked to finally reveal the truth.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

@ Laura B. - too! Cept I'm done. Do it for me, will ya? I'll buy... ;-)

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

It would seem too many bakers have been reading The Hobbit in preparation for the movie premiere.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMichele

#1 I wasn't aware that Yeti had a family name. Anyone notice that the 'theme' is carried onto the party favors?

#2 The wreckerator's spouse is the surgeon who would be performing the c-section, so this really comes under the heading, 'evil wish'.

#3 I can work with a certain amount of liberty being taken with perspective and all, but a baby that can look that far over his / her shoulder is cause for concern.

#4 Bakery owners, you need Internet access in the shop. Yesterday, if not sooner. Facebook and Twitter can be blocked. Minecraft can be blocked. But your employees *need* a search engine, preferably one with lots of pictures. You know, an ounce of prevention and all. (Whether to block Cake Wrecks is a poser -- it could prevent a lot of tragedies or it could inspire to greater distances from greatness. Or your employees could be completely useless from laughter. Your call.)

#5 W1: "Let's see. This order is for a baby, but it has to have a duck in it. I can't have a duck making baby footprints; that wouldn't make sense. What should I do?"
W2: "Put the duck in a bathtub."
W1 (amazed): "That must be why you get the big bucks!"

#6 "Ok, Mike's rattle and ruler seem to be unaffected. Was he by any chance near a reversed magnetic field recently?" (1,000 Interwebz to anyone who gets the reference.)

#7 "Smith, you've been working on that cake all day! The customer would like to pick it up before the quads are old enough to drive over and get it themselves."

Smith: "I have to get these right, OK?!"

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

He won't fall over much................oh stop my side is hurting....bahahah

NO NO oh yes you did it again........Mikey becoming a professional dancer.............HAHAHAHAHA

These ones were so wonderfully creepy!!!

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

That last cake looks to me like we're seeing the bottom of the feet which means there are 4 little babies buried upside down in the cake with just the bottoms of their feet showing.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

@Jodee in WA...Happy birthday!
@Craig....welcome back!

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

Cake #4
Those aren't feet. Those are squashed kidneys with toes.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKamis

Thanks guys!
@Sharyn ~ My foot is doing a whole lot better then the ones on these cakes! HAH! Actually it's feeling a lot better. I'm off the crutches now and limping around but it's not to bad.
@ Barbara Anne ~ Since it's my birthday do I get a pass for today too? ;-)

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

Hahahaahahahaaha - I have to go watch Spaceballs now, thank you Jason

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

Well, now we know who had Bigfoot's baby!

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMary

Awesome!!!! I bet octo-mom wished she had a TARDIS belly!

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTREKKIE

So, my fiance thought that 2nd cake was a vagina and not feet....thought the dress was open...oh boy.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShannah

Is it just me or does that first cake look like a tombstone? I'm hoping it's not really that gray color.

December 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

@jackwire - we've always known about the eighth dwarf, but our story goes like this:

No, there really are eight. The eighth one's name is Sleezy. He isn't home much...

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermichelej

Well now I am glad we aren't having kids lol. All those poor moms to be probably thought they were giving birth to bigfoot. Argh wreckerators lol.

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
Across the Irish Sea...

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSpike Milligan

I love the TARDIS reference. "It's bigger on the inside!"

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMissy

Peggy Hill is not impressed.

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

#4 Meiosis!!!

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Re: Nicola and Will's cake
Who wears a maternity top like that? Pregnant strippers? I'm not suggesting Nicola is a pregnant "exotic dancer" (not that there's anything wrong with that), just that she, unfortunately, has one on her baby shower cake.

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSBC

I was just checking to see if anyone had included the word "timehead" in their posts. Just checkin'... oh fine. Amy: "What if the baby has three heads? Or a timehead?" The Doctor: "What's a timehead?"
Amy: "I don't know. But what if it has one?"

December 7, 2012 | Unregistered Commentertheoriginalone

About #2, WTF? Is that a "camel-toe" made of toes?

December 13, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterrocketride

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>