My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Get Used To (More) Disappointment

What's that? You want more "Missed Marks" wrecks?



First up, Randee C. ordered this simple zebra-stripe cake from her local bakery:


... and ended up with something only a finger-painting preschooler could love:

Zebras of unusual stripes?
I don't think they exist.

Next, Tahneea made two notable discoveries: first, this gorgeous cake:

There's a shortage of perfect ruffles in the world. 'Twould be a pity to damage yours.


And second, a use for leftover coffee filters!


"I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six hundred coffee filters on hand?"

"Do you always begin conversations this way?"



And finally, Mel D. ordered this beauty for her wedding:

She tells me her baker showed her an impressive portfolio of gorgeous cakes, which made the final reveal on her big day that much more, well, you know ...




On the plus side, that silver glitter really clumps together nicely.


Bye bye, brides! Have fun ordering your cakes!

("Think they'll be wrecks?"

"If not, it'll be a miracle.") 



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Reader Comments (97)

You keep ordering these cakes. I do not think they'll be what you think they'll be.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea S

I am just nigh speechless. The baker with the good portfolio must've been having a really bad day. Or just lost her glasses. And, y'know, her talent.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChartreuse

Gah! That close up!

My father was killed by a six petaled flower so I have dedicated my life to studying herbicides so that when I come across that six petaled flower I can say...

Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

"You keep baking these cakes. I do not think they look how you think they look."

Maybe a little chocolate coating will make them go down easier.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

(a cloaked figure in a wheelbarrow appears) I am the Dread Baker Roberts and I am here for your soooouuuullls!

Deposit. Sorry. I'm here for the deposit for your wedding cake. Why are you running?

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

wow.. those cakes are really TO THE PAIN!!!

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLydia

I'm wondering if the baker with the good portfolio overbooked, and hired a relative to help her out. One with no sense of how to work with fondant.

Or maybe all of the good portfolio cakes were buttercream, and she figured, "Fondant? How hard can it be?"

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

A true wreck is the greatest thing in the world, except for a nice MLT, mutton lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean...

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

Ahhh, a full post in Princess-Bride speak. All is right with the world again. (Except for North Korea - I'm off to the Bunker with $1k in small bills, plenty of MREs, and lots of kitty supplies for Theardare. Bye! :-)

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

I wuv all your Pwincess Bwide wefwences!! Yoh humoh is wot bwings us togevah today.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRenee

"That bride, she can fuss."
"Fuss... fuss... I think she likes to scream at us."

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNyperold


April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

Mawwiage! Mawwiage is what bwings us togetha today....Thanks for the Princess Bride post! My Friday is perfect!

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

that last baker should be out of business by now

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Is it me, or do the silver stripes on that last cake look like duct tape?

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEileen

Gahhhh D:

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never to get involved in a political discussion with your in-laws. And only slightly less well known is this: never order a fondant covered cake from an average baker when good taste is on the line.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

I'm just so glad that not even these cakes can separate true love...

Jen, you never cease to amaze me with your amazing commentary. The Princess Bride quotes made my day. :)

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTotalFluffster

I think these just took a year off my life.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

These bakers really need to re-examine their capabilities before saying, "As you wish..."

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnna in Ohio

Lemme esplain... No, is too much. Lemme sum up: these bakers are horrible.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterScaperMama

Brides: Did you get a refund? Because I know that wedding cakes aren't cheap, and looking at these makes me want to cry.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

I'm thinking that portfolio she was looking at had a LOT of other artist's watermarks on the pictures if they bothered to look closely. A Pininterest Portfolio. Let's hope Twoo Wuv will get them past the awful cake.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharon's Edible Art

"Never go in against a Blogger when CAKE is on the line!"

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTJ

Must steal Embiggify tool from Jen and hide it. No pound it into tiny bits then hide the bits. AAAAAAAARRRGH!!!

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen

Glad you mentioned it was silver glitter on the last wreck... Here I was thinking it was cigarette ash.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterOmg

Cake 2: Is it even edible?

Cake 3: Couldn't even stack the layers and frost them smoothly and correctly. Without the decorations, this would have looked like one of MY cakes.

And with the decorations: *headdesk* *sobbing*

@Fluffy Cow: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That makes my day! Thanks, everyone, for the Princess Bride references!

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

"No more wrecks; I mean it!"
"Anybody want a peanut?"

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

These cakes are really bad, I mean it.
Anybody want a peanut?

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKball

"The Princess Bride": Truly, appropriate for ANY occasion.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

HHHHHYALLO!!! My name is Indeegnant Bridezeela. You keeled my order.


April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

TLC: I think the problem (okay, one of the many problems) with the third cake isn't that the layers were stacked incorrectly; it's that the cake layers are sandwiching incredible (inedible) amounts of frosting, which is squooshing out under the weight of the layers above. It looks to me like the cakes themselves aren't level, and the baker is trying to compensate for it with gobs-o-frosting. Also, either the frosting is too soft, or it was applied while the cakes were still warm, or the cake has been stored in a very warm environment. Maybe a Fire Swamp.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoel Polowin

My twu wuv is this blog and the family of commenters. You rock my world. Carry on.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

Just want to say thanks for all in the comments who kept the P.B. references running, especially Sharon! Eveyone, especially Jen is funny, funny, funny.
Now I'm off to work- in the fire swamps.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJake and Me

So, what WAS the point of the duct tape stripes? There isn't anything like that on the original.
WV: Travesty- would you like that cup of hot mess with cream or lemon?

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterColin M.

There is nothing better than Friday, unless it's Friday with Princess Bride references!

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuzG

Weckage. Weckage is wat bwings us togeva, today. Weckage, dat wetched awwaingment, dat destwoyed dweam within thwee inches of buttacweam.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTejayes

It can't be duct tape. Duct tape is much thinner and more delicate-looking.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJane

Customer: "You can do this?" *holds up picture*

Baker: "Yes."

Big Reveal!

Customer: "I knew it! I knew you were bluffing! I knew he was...bluffing."

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

The silver stripes are Screaming Eel Skin.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

PS: Silver glitter? I thought it was pepper. That's one point in the wreckerator's favor, I guess.

My, isn't it crowded in here with all the Andreas? Thinking of changing my name...perhaps Pwincess Buwercwup, in keeping with today's theme? " Pwincess Buwercwup, Andrea's Jape" or just PBandJ for short.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

This post makes my WHOOOOOLE week. Nothing makes me smile like Princess Bride Quotes, and reading through the comments was equally entertaining. Wish I could add some witty quote myself, but afraid my brain is mush after this crazy week. Thanks all for making it better.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSOman

I agree with another poster who said that the final baker must not have been showing the customer pictures of her own work. Unfortunately there are far too many aspiring "bakers" who *think* they can make a cake, and steal images from those who actually can. Piracy and deception.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTraci

In all of history, there have been three cakes worse than any others. This wreck beat them all!

You're the baker who made that wreck all those years ago? It’s simply incredible. Have you been baking your whole life only to make -that-? I think that’s the worst cake I've ever seen. How...marvelous.

<3 <3 <3 to all the Princess Brideness in the post from Jen -- and particularly to all the commentators who picked up on it and continued it into the comments!

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermneme

Cake #1 - Aww, you gotta admit that, at least, the baker tried. Emphasis on "tried";

Cake #2 - Now, come on! In my opinion, it is not really that bad, only not quite like the intended cake. I'd rather be okay with it... UNLESS, of course, those were really coffee filters (or handkerchiefs), in which case I'd have an use for them, best left to your imagination, people;

Cake #3 - Do bride cake bakers try to make their orders by memory? Again, emphasis on "try".

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGutz Grilla

A Princess Bride post and not a single complete Humperdink.

I am sadly disappointed...........

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

Methinks the baker showed a portfolio that wasn't their cakes.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterVic

That last cake also looked structurally unstable, the layers didn't line up right! I'm not a professional baker by any means, but I know the sides aren't supposed to be lumpy!

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTamgineer

HAHA! Love the PB quotes! But those bakers, they should be strung up and hung from the yardarm. I bet the brides would be out for blood after those fiascos. Honestly, I could make a better cake, and I don't bake! And if you can't do fondant... DON'T USE IT! I think the bride would prefer a simpler, better made cake!

But baker, have you ever considered piracy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts.

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWildstar

"I think I know why you cause me so much trouble......"

April 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDawn

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