My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen


After all of the weekend's Mother's Day celebrations, I think it's time to balance things out with some extra MANLY cakes. Think you can do that, bakers?

Good, because Andrea here would like a "manly" 39th birthday cake, if you please.

No, no, see, I mean the cake. Make the cake manly.


Try again for Stephanie P.'s order. Go on. Make it manly!


Hmm. Maybe the word is what's tripping you up. Ok, look: Bre J. wants a 30th birthday cake for Reese. Reese is a boy, so she wants a cake that reflects that. See, she even wrote "male" in parentheses after his name on the order form.

...which, come to think of it, may not have been the best idea.

("Malie?" Really?)


Tell you what, bakers, just make us a generic cake, no writing, and give it the manliest decorations you can think of. Something that really screams "MAN CAKE," you know?

Oh, you've got something? Great! Let's see it.

Touché, bakers. TOUCH´E.


Thanks to Andrea, Stephanie P., Bre J., Nathan W. for at least not giving us another shuttlecock cake.

« Paper Reams | Main | Sunday Sweets: Happy Mother's Day! »

Reader Comments (35)

Sung to the refrain from "Mandy"
Please note: this is NOT a cry for help, it just fit. (And I've cleared it with Theardare.)

No "Manly."
Well your cake is a mistake in baking
So I sent it away
No "manly." Now my fist's curled and I just can't stop shaking.
'Cause I need cake today -- no "manly"

(key change)

Or "malie."
That's not even a word, my heart's breaking
You can't think that I'll pay, for "Malie"
Can't you make something butch? I'm not faking!!!
Fine! It's sperm cake today. So manly.

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

That last cake is the "manliest" of the group O_o Sharyn hehehehe

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Sharyn, I'm a Barry Manilow fan, so you have just made my day.

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRamey

Seems like a good place for "Manly" from the musical episode of Daria!

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKristen

Yeah, you can't get any manlier than sperm, can you?

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEileen

And Sharyn wins the Internet!!! (again) Be sure to share w/Jen! :-)

Colorblind wreckerators strike back! Actually, *careless* wreckerators, colorblind or not, cuz my friend is fully colorblind & he can still tell his colors apart. Not to mention that you can *number* the icing bags like another acquaintance did with his clothes so they'd match. Orange & blue?! Ouch. And that 'plaid' pattern (chain link?) ain't easy on the eyes either...

That last cake is missing egg. (What else could they be aiming for?) Or are they caught in a tornado? Maybe a waterspout? Of course, the blue is wrong, too. It should be a pink-red color to achieve its full realistic potential...then again, maybe it's a bunch of sea urchin sperm loose in the deep blue sea... (Hey, I'm a biologist, whaddaya expect, a *joke*? :-)

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

Nothing screams (grunts?) "Manly" like a gigantic chocolate chip cookie!

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterjackwire

Karate Lady, it's for a man, so it MUST be blue!!! It's right there in the wreckorator handbook, see? LOL

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

"I said 'generic cake;' not 'genetic cake!'"

Of course, after some of the groom's cakes you've featured, I suspect that a "successful" manly cake would be even worse.

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

#1: The baker is a HUGE Little House on the Prairie fan!

#2: The 'chain link fence' motif is designed to distract our eyes so we can't tell if 'Congratulations' is spelled correctly.

#3: I haven't filled out an order sheet in a while so I'm not sure if this exists, but is there no comment box for further instructions?

#4: You know how sometimes you lie on your back, look up at the sky and try to see shapes in the clouds? I think the alarm on this wreckerator's biological clock is sounding!

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

What? No "Men In Tights"?

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

I hate when people tell you that they don't care and just use males colors. So you do it and then they complain about it after.Tell me exactly what you want. Colors, design, and anything else you want. Nothing is more annoying then when people say they don't care. Why order a cake then ?

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered Commentercrissy

Today is my birthday and I'm a man, so thanks for that. (Secretly hoping my birthday cake will turn out to be an epic Wreck!)

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterIan G.

Yes, unless #1 is for Almanzo Wilder, something is very very wrong. But Many Wilder is far past #39.

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

I think "Manly Man Cakes" is going to be my boyfriend's new nickname.

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

@crissy - shh...Theardare might be listening! And how do you know that Andrea, Stephanie P., Bre J., and Nathan W. said they didn't care?! Methinks you are an overly sensitive or new Wreckerator...(or a troll)

@anony mouse - That explains #4, I suppose... But blue AND orange on #1??

@Naomi - good one! I am *particularly* embarrassed that I did not think of that since I also have a degree in genetics! :-/

@Just Andrea - Re: #4 - Ah-hah! That explains it! Makes sense to me!

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

Wow. So this is what happens when you ask a wreckerator for something "manly." God help us all if someone ever requests a cake that's "masculine."

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Why would Theardare object to a wreckful rendition of a Manilow song? The humorous context preserves the uniqueness of the horror that is Room 101, and non-transgressors are spared the full effect of what awaits therein. Besides, he considers that giving people a little taste from time to time is a good thing, if it helps keep them in line. An ounce of prevention and all that.

#1 This could be for Manly Wade Wellman, though I suspect he's had a few more than 39 birthdays. The cookie would therefore be a depiction of a Flat, though I doubt this one could "wrop you like a blanket." Wouldn't it be cool if John (thoJ) owns a silver-stringed guitar?

#2 Perhaps "make it manly" is a motto; if it was an instruction, they failed to follow it.

#3 Reese hated his new nickname with the white hot passion of a thousand suns. Thus, when the expedition to Annex 1 was announced, he jumped on it, even though there is no night there. Unfortunately, he was caught in an isotope shower and henceforth... Fans of The Outer Limits know what happened after that.

#4 By no stretch of the imagination could those be balloons, but as @KarateLady points out, they lack a goal in life. Perhaps it is a vortex, after all. I note in passing that the background wouldn't be pink for a 'boy' cake, even if it is more realistic. Just sayin'.

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Maybe #2 is a "Manly Sea Eagles" fan? - an Australian Rugby League team that my husband and daughter are huge fans of. Yes nearly every weekend we sit and listen to the chants of men singing "Maaannn-lyyy". Ps. Love the last cake.

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSam

Craig, you made my afternoon! I'm another Manly Wade Wellman fan.

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTXRed

I read about the first cake too quickly and thought it was for an Italian man named Andrea (it's the Italian form of Andrew), so they asked for it to be manly, figuring the baker wouldn't be familiar with Italian male names. It seemed logical to me, but I now I much prefer the LHOTP Almanzo Wilder theory instead.

PS - Sharyn, you're incredible!!!!

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

Happy Birthday @Ian G. May your cake be totally wrecktastic! :)

Thanks for the much needed laughs today. My oldest girl was admitted to the hospital again this morning for kidney problems. :( I'll be to sure to show her these to lift her spirits. Heck, maybe I'll even sing her @Sharyn's song! :)

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Malie is a village on the island of Upolu in Samoa

The baker obviously came from Samoa

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

@Jodee: I'm so sorry to hear your daughter's back in the hospital! I hope she gets well soon!

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I never said that they said it but they probably just said manly colors which to a cake decorator is so annoying. I am actually a cake decorator who has been doing it for a 4 years now. Just providing a little insight to how things really are and the reality of a grocery store bakery.

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered Commentercrissy

@Jodee - healing thoughts & prayers going out to you & your daughter...

@Craig - Yeah, it would not be very "male'. But it would be more life-like & anatomically correct...would just need an egg sized in proportion to those...balloons... Also, "Make it manly" sounds like a command from Jean-Luc Picard, though Worf would be more likely to demand such a cake, if he so desired one...(I think Klingons aren't much for cake...)

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

@Jodee hope your girly girl is better ;)

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

@crissy - Oh. Well, I think if you check the lengthy logs of Cake Wrecks, you'll see that you're not the first & probably won't be the last. Thing is, as Jen puts it so well, "...Cake Wrecks is about finding the fun in frosting-filled places..." In fact, in her 1st book, she does list "purchaser error" (my words, not hers; I'm too lazy to go find my copy) as a cause of some wrecks. So, really, we're just laughing at the cakes. If you want to complain or argue about bad customers giving bad instructions, you'll probably find the site "Not Always Right" very entertaining...though it does lack the wonderful visuals and incredibly accurate and wondrous frosting-filled interpretations of Jen & crew here... :-)

Happy websurfing,

CakeWrecks Epcot Bunker Security
Active DOC Member
Former POT (prisoner of Theardare)

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

Oh sheesh. That last cake lol. I cannot stop laughing at it long enough to even make sense on here. All I can think of is someone at that bakery was indulging in some late night drinking. As for the rest of these I honestly can't believe they think customers would buy these.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

@KarateLady: LOL

Given the levels of both literal interpretation and biological ignorance out there in wreckland, I keep expecting to see a cake with 'swimmers' surrounding either an actual or flotsam chicken egg (please be hard-boiled if real) or a 2-D depiction thereof.

@Jodee: Prayers for swift recovery and for "the peace that passes all understanding."

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

"Make the cake manly."

Okay, what does that mean? It would help to know a hobby or interest, as the huntin' and fishin' crowd may not be into Major League sports and vice versa. But I would say beige (coffee flavor?) frosting with dark green and/or brown trim would fit the bill if you watch out for the brown frosting making poo piles. Or a white cake with steel gray and navy blue trim. No foo-foo flowers, but you might be able to get away with a leafy vine if it can be done neatly. Rope borders would be very nice. Obviously, balloons can be . . . troublesome.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWaneta

Crissy- Thanks for letting us know what it's like on "the other side." I like to laugh at the cakes, but it's fun to hear what the customer says that may lead to some of these. Maybe some of these bakers are fed up!

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJJ

I just saw your cakes on The Chew! Included - Push! The censored cake.

May 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEllen

People are missing the symbolism of #4, but I can understand since I've never seen a blue diaphragm before, either.

May 17, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRick

That last cake is depicting a little-known "sport"; synchronized insemination.

May 22, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

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