My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

What a Mom Wants

Sunday is Mother's Day.

MY day.

The one day a year when that 27 hours of labor is officially recognized, and my son gets to make up for the fact that his first word was "car."

And his second was "cat."

"Mom" was third.

But I'm OK.


I don't want much, really. Maybe just some chocolate. Like a rich, dark chocolate cake. Mmmm. And maybe with a sweet sentiment written on it.


Nice gash.

But how 'bout something that doesn't remind me of my C-section?


I know, roses! Beautiful, fragrant, long stem...

...dead roses.


Did I mention it was TWENTY SEVEN hours of labor?


Ok, how about some jewelry? I saw some cute little necklaces over at Targe... second thought, I've changed my mind.

I want a vacation.


Maternal thanks to Rosie, Kathryn H., and Anony M. for helping me stay on my diet this Mother's Day.

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Reader Comments (51)

Sharyn, happy mother's day :) thanks for the laughs you have given us

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Not only did my son say 'car' before 'mom', after I wore a shirt with a car pictured on it, he called me 'car' for months. However, I am getting jewelry from him this year (I accidentally discovered it.) and it's much nicer than the stuff pictured here.

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJackie B

Yeah, with my diet, just give me a gluten-free breakfast in bed...and the iPad, so I can enjoy CakeWrecks while I'm at it. Then a nice long soak in my Jacuzzi tub...or maybe a return trip to the Cake Wrecks Bunker Spa...who's with me?! Dibs on John(thoJ) as my mas... Just kidding! Hey, Craig - you're a masseuse in your spare time, right?! <wink, wink> No way I'm letting Theardare or Gossamer anywhere near me...

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

The last one reminds me of a Princess Bride quote. "Dear God what is that thing?!?!?"

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

My son didn't say "mama" or "dada" until he had 40 or so other words, then he finally picked them both up in quick succession. Everybody said "mama" is the first word. HA!

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDaemon

It's my first Mother's Day this year, so even though it was almost a year ago, labor and delivery are still quite fresh in my mind. Hopefully, it's still fresh in hubby's mind and he can find something to show his appreciation. It wasn't my daughter's fault, after all. :)

My daughter's first word (just a few weeks ago!) was "dog." Her father and I are both highly disappointed. She only says "ma ma ma ma ma ma ma!" when she's upset. This week, every day when I've gotten home from work, she's called me "nana." At least her actual Nana will be happy about that this weekend.

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMay

I was happily enjoying the slightly subliminal penis on the first cake when I scrolled to the second. I might have uttered an expletive.

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Vacation? If that's what the cake and jewelry look like, do you really want to risk the possibility of travel? Your transport might be a rickshaw powered by an 87-year-old man with one leg and emphysema.

And is it better to get a poorly decorated chocoate cake or no cake at all? (Honestly, I'd risk the cake -- but only if it were chocolate!)

Happy Mother's Day!

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnn

Sharyn -- I know songs are your forte...well, just one of your forte' I'll only mention that it would seem fitting that the theme song for 27 hours of labor might be the Diana Ross song, "My Forever Came Today." (And, from my sentimental side, the lyrics are kinda nice and could easily be applied to having a baby.)

To you and all mothers, I wish you all a Happy Matheriday! And I mean that sincerely....

@Jackie B: lol.....

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

My labors were 22 and 17 hours respectively, but the worst was that the births were 13 and 12 days late! And in 22 years, I've never gotten cake or jewelry for Mother's Day. Perhaps I need to have a chat with these children of mine.

It would include a warning against cakes like these, though!

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMyra

(To "Your Mother and Mine" from Peter Pan)

Well a wrecker, a real wrecker
is the least competent person in the world
He's the perfect choice to gash your chocolate
Reminds you of too "being cut"

Your wreckator and mine
Your wreckator and mine

The dead bouquet of roses, stemmed long
This is not right, this is all wrong

Your wreckator and mine
Your wreckator and mine

What makes wreckers all that they are?
Might as well ask, "Why'd you say 'car'?"
Ask for necklaces to decorate
This guy will say, "These go on a cake"
Are there some words? I say "Nein"
Your wreckator and mine

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNyperold

Officially my son's first word was "Mama". 'Unofficially' his first word was "car" but the judges disqualified it (because it didn't meet Mommy's standards).

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTrista

My daughter's first word was "cat," and she picked up "daddy" before "mom," so I feel your pain. :-)

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

My dad (the OBGYN) would say that it wasn't really 27 hours. The real labor was probably only an hour or two, after you were fully dilated. Not to diminish your effort. That's just what my dad always says. :)

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKatherine

I think most of the people who claim "mama" is always the first word, are basing that conclusion on selective memory.

"Did your son just say 'ball?'"
"WHAT?! Uh, no; no, he's just making sounds."
"Are you sure? He very clearly said 'baww,' and he's holding a ball. His first word!"
"Oh, well, um, actually, he said 'mama' yesterday. I wrote it down in his baby book." *scribble scribble* "See?"

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

Hey, on the Zombie Rose CCC (patooie), at least "Happy Mother's Day" is spelled and punctuated correctly.

It's the little things...

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Two of my three kids said "cat" as their first official word. What is up with that?! (Official, cuz all THREE of them said Dada first, and Momma ain't havin' that!) As for those cakes, I think I'd rather go thru labor again than try to stomach any of those. *shiver* That's saying something.

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJasry

27 hours??? Makes my 13 seem like a piece of cake! (sorry, it just happened...) But my big headed girl DID break my tailbone! Doesn't that count for something? **sigh** And I really did almost die with the second one! That means I should expect flowers and massages (Scooch over @KarateLady!) and sparkly jewelry (not THAT kind of sparkly tho!) this year?
Sadly, I will likely get nothing. I would even eat the Happy Matheriday cake. But only because it's chocolate!

Great Job @Sharyn!

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

I have to know how that last photo is even on cake wrecks? There can't seriously be a cake in there.

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSOman

That second cake looks like pine cones on asparagus. Anybody remember the guy from the old Grapenuts commercial who would eat bark from trees.

The last cake reminded me of Mardi Gras. Nothing says Happy Mothers Day like "earning" your beads when the partiers shout "show us you t*ts".

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterZuzu

My older son's said everybody's name before Mama. He said "garbage" before Mama. My second little guy definitely said "Mama" before most other words. :)

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

My mother used to tell me my first official word was "caviar".
I said "What? not mama or papa?"
She said "Oh you were babelling syllables like that, but the real word was caviar", as I proffered it at a party at our home.
She said I was very advanced, toddling around with a tray of hors d'oevres.
She had a creative memory

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlison in Indiana

From now on, whenever I feel like my 10lbs baby delivery was rough, I will come back to this post. I may not have been able to walk comfortably for four months, but at least my tailbone wasn't cracked!
@Jodee: Ouch!!

My apologies to all the non-moms out there - this is your TMI read of the day!

And cheers to all my fellow moms!

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

Happy Mather'sdoy to all you Mothers!

My first child's first word was actually 'mama' because from the time my son took his first breath until he uttered that first word, my mother, who often babysat when I went back to work, spent every possible still moment she could saying 'mama' very clearly, often with my son's tiny hand against her mouth to aid in his understanding.

My second son? Who can recall what that other child's first word was? There aren't any pictures of that kid, either. KIDDING! His first word was heard by the firstborn and it was 'dog'. Firstborn promptly told me what he said. Being the Greates Mom in the Word, I naturally said, "No, he doesn't talk yet!". At least, that's what the firstborn tells me. I plead the 5th.

@Nyperold: Well done! You can fill in for Sharyn any time.

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

You had me in knots. You know why? Because my mom always used to tell me that she was in labor 72 hours to have me.

Also, my first word was "kettle".

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSkeptic

For the TMI portion of my post: the point from first contraction to transition took several hours, but once those boys were ready, they beat the doctor into to the room, each time. I think someone told me I was made to breed...

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

That last cake is courtesy Sandra Lee, right? I can't see one edible thing in the photo, which is how she rolls.

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commentercal331

My son's first word was very clearly "Mama". Unfortunately, he was addressing the washing machine...

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLT

@Katherine- What do male OB GYN'S know about labor anyway?!! (A former labor & delivery RN and mom that spent over 42 hrs in labor between 3 boys!!) ;-) The phase after fully dilated isn't labor, it's called "pushing"!!

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne

I was babysitting older kids for about a year. My son called me "Hawwa" because that's what he heard and could manage. I didn't care! It was cute!

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPaula

My only child's first word was 'no'. Actually it was 'no, no, NO!' along with some finger-wagging. I guess I said that too much to him. Then it was ball, dog, and Dada. FINALLY he started saying ma ma. Then it became just plain 'MA!" and that didn't mean he wanted me, it meant he needed help. Not sure if that was a good thing or bad, but I sure didn't like it when he called his babysitter that. We are very close now, thank goodness! I was afraid his reluctance to name me meant we weren't close. In hindsight, he may have thought I was part of him, or more likely, a handy piece of furniture that could produce a bottle or snack when needed. And said no a lot.

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterReader

My son's first word was 'mama', and it was his only word other than 'hi' for almost a year. Everyone and everything was mama. Not quite so special then. My daughter's first word was her brother's name, at all of 8 months. Then she forgot all about him, and everything became 'dada'. He's still her favourite. Sniff. (I just won't mention the 4 hour labour, yes?)

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKaeus

Oh, don't change your mind about the jewelry. After all, enough pearl necklaces and you need never be a mother at all...

(I didn't type that out loud, did I?)

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

Dead, dead whiiiiine...

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMitsuiSan

Why anyone would think that poo-colored flowers are an attractive item to put on a cake is beyond my comprehension.

The last cake, though, made me laugh and laugh. If you take all the beads off that cake, would there be anything left to eat?

My son's first word was Da-da. He spoke sentences by 7 months, and paragraphs by age 1. The babysitter's kids used to make special trips to their mom's house so they could engage in conversations with him!

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

#1 Hubby: "The standard, 'Happy Mother's Day' is fine, but make it look like it was written by a third-grader."
Manager: "Not a problem, believe me."

#2 Are there enough thorns on those stems? What's leaking out from beneath the CCC? Always nice to see people without any parenting issues. /sarcasm

#3 Speaking of making it look like a grade-schooler was involved... This was probably a re-do after the customer complained that there wasn't enough decoration on the first one.

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Yep, my son (born after a 41 hr labour in Japan, where they don't believe in pain relief during childbirth) said 'car' first. Wijjy-wijjy was second and repeated often, pity we have no idea what he meant. Mama came after that, I think, just before 'aeroplane'. It's a boy thing......

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterbritjap

If it makes anyone feel better, my mother doesn't remember my first word. Her general response? " oh my god, I don't remember! How old are you now?" 28 years later, she obviously thoroughly OVER my babyhood...

Happy Mother's Day!

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKerriestella

Ok my first comment although I enjoy coming here every day. My daughter's first words were "oh god!" I kid you not. The reason? It's what we would always say when we changed her nappy (diaper).

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSam

My son's first word was "Chevy." Or "Chubby." Not sure which.

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHF

On a side note, I purposefully taught my kids to utter "dada" first. Think it through, people... late at night, your child wakes up and calls for dada. I say, "Honey, she's calling for you".

Brilliant, I think.

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

27 HOURS? I can't think of anything FUN I want to do for 27 hours straight.
(Is it obvious I'm not a mom? It should be now.)

My first word (properly applied to the situation) was "eau" which is French for water. My mother wanted to learn French so badly she would practice it on me.

Happy Mother's Days! (just one day? aim higher, ladies)

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

What an awesome cake! My Mum would love it.

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSpencer

My first word was apparently 'Texaco', only it came out, 'Tek-ta-co'. There was a station the family drove past all the time, and one day, it just 'clicked'. No, I don't know why. It's my earliest direct memory, though.

Anyone who invokes the SL should be sentenced to that third cake. That is all.

(Not ignoring your comment, @KarateLady, just, well, you know.)

May 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

My first word was "Pie."

May 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTodd

Well whoever put the dead roses on that cake should feel bad lol. I mean they are so pretty but so dead looking. Maybe I am just twisted but I think dark roses are nice. Except if they are so dark as to look like you are threatening someone with black roses lol.

May 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

@Craig coward

May 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

27 hours, and I ended up with an emergency C-section anyway! My son said "Dadda" at age 1 - a WHOLE YEAR before he finally said "Mamma"......He was lucky to live that long!

May 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAbs42

@khereva **blink blink...blink blink** WAY funny my friend! Well done!

May 13, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

My kids were both born well after their "due" dates, and they haven't been on time for much of anything since, come to think of it!

May 22, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

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