My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen


In the spirit of Angry Santa, I give you...


"Whoah there, sonny, why don't you put down the knife and let's talk about this?"

Uncle Sam wants YOU...
... to fetch him his binky.
And check under the bed before you leave.
(And buy a Pan-Wow®)


Actually, now he's just looking sad. Geez, Sam, if I want to see a disappointed face at mealtimes I can just go back to cooking, mmkay?


Hang on, lemme see what else I've got here...

Oh, now, don't cry... I'm sorry...

Aaand we're back to terrified. Huh.
Maybe they set it in front of a mirror?


I actually kind of like this guy:

His face says, "Guys, seriously, stop it with the shaving cream already," but his hair is all, "PAR-TAY!!" And then his sideburns are like, "Lookit me, holding up this teensy flag! AMERICA. HECK YEAH." And I'm pretty sure his lips are offering me a fruit roll-up.


So, in conclusion, here's a gingerbread soldier with his head on fire being run over by a tank:

But look how HAPPY he is!

Uncle Sam? Take note.


Tanks to Meghan R., Dimitra S., Gillian H., Amber W., & Lyndi R. for the support.

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Reader Comments (68)

That cake always boggles my mind...what occasion calls for a cake of a soldier being run over by a tank. As for the rest of the cakes, methinks uncle sam is just going WTF at our elected officials

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Hope this means you are feeling better :) How else will we know that fiery gingerbread men are being flattened by tanks to keep our country safe? It is important work you do...+

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteramanda*p

If tomorrow all the wrecks were gone,
I’d looked at all my life.
And I had to start again,
With just a poundcake and a knife.

I’d miss the sloppy stars
And stripes the wreckers here display.
‘Cause a wreck still stands for talent,
That got lost along the way.

And I’m proud that I’m not Uncle Sam,
‘Cause at least I don’t look weird.
Or scared or sick or kind of squished,
With a messy gloppy beard.

And I gladly sit down,
next to Sam and provide some therapy.
‘ Cause there ain’t no doubt I these wrecks,
God bless us every one…

Welcome back Jen!
Sorry Sharyn.

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Sung to Yankee Doodle Dandy

I think Uncle Sam is dandy
Watch him talk to that knife guy.
A real-life icon in a Pan-Wow pan
He's looking sad, I won't lie

Oh, please, stop crying, won't you, Sweetheart?
Let's find something you'll enjoy
Uncle Sam used all the whipped cream
Now he's thick and foamy
Watch out, my flaming ginger boy!

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Maybe it's just me but the one before the runaway tank screams 'Snow Miser'

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRob

Pretty sure that next to the last one is the illegitimate offspring of the Heat Miser and Snow Miser.

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTJ

jen, i hope you're feeling better and you can lay off the chicken soup again and eat something more substantial, cake for example.
apropos cooking, how is your dinner-making going? any other tries? how about an update?

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLcP

Perhaps Uncle Sam #1 is terrified because of the extreme jaundice.

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

Such tributes to those who put their lives on the line.This is what it's all about.
The next-to-last thing looks like it's wearing a flowery bathing cap, and doesn't seem all that happy about it, or about being impaled in the neck by Old Glory, either.
Why do they all look so worried? I don't think they have to worry much about actually being purchased, OR eaten. (Also, could Santa be moonlighting? Times ARE tough...)

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

SNORT! Oh my.. I don't have the words to describe my love of that last cake... I think I need one.. LOL

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLisa-Marie

When I was a child, my mom had a painting that hung over the couch of Swiss chalets on a mountainside. I always hated that picture because I could see faces in it leering at me. (Of course, this was when I was home sick from school, feverish, lying on the couch like a limp rag, and staring at that painting.)
All this to say that there is NO WAY I can see an Uncle Sam face in cakes #4 and #5, no matter how feverish I'm feeling.

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFM

Oh, Sharyn! Too much! I was hearing Jimmy Cagney's voice singing (your version of) Yankee Doodle Dandy!
I also believe that you may be starting a new 4th of July tradition: setting a gingerbread man on fire. So festive!

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I'm impressed you are up and blogging again so soon Jen. I hope this means you are feeling better. Maybe Mel's comments yesterday cheered you up? Or you took Sue Bee's advice? Or John actually did wait on you like a Disney Fantasy crew member. Whichever it is, I'm glad you are back.

* comment sponsored by Pan Wow! "Pan Wow! It's not just for Valentine's/Christmas/Easter/Birthdays anymore!" (tm)

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTricia

these are bad enough to make me want to say...uncle.....

@Jen: welcome back!
@SuBee and Sharyn: lol...nicely done!

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

@SuBee: We REALLY all need to l get together for a bunker sing along -- I knew yours immediately. Great job!!!

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Jen is back! Though John filled in pretty well.
Love the caption on that second-to-last one.
@Sharyn and @SuBee -- awesome as always ladies!

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

The message of these
weapons of ass destruction:
Live free or Pan-Wow.

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy


A giggle-snort to SuBee & Sharyn. Second from the, wait THIRD from the bottom looks like a very patriotic Tribble, but with eyes. Second from the bottom looks Tribbley, too, but with feathers & eyes. Tribbles don't have eyes! (At least, not visible ones - they're overgrown with fur...)

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

Sharyn, suebee and haiku joy BWAHAHAHA :D

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Sargeant Ginger sir!
You're so well camouflaged sir!
Just a crumb wound sir!

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Is the brown thing supposed to be a tank? I *get* that gray or camo frosting wouldn't look all that appetizing, but still-wtf!! And what's the squiggly white thing on top? Flaming-head guy is representing DA/DT, maybe(?)-Clever(even if unintentional)! ((SIGH!!)) I'd give it a big thumbs down, but I don't wanna get green slime on me.
These are all PWTFs (pitiful w-t-f s). I'm saddened by these. Not surprised at all, just saddened. =^u.u^=

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Epic internal battle ensues:

{Can't I just...?}
{But these are supposed to be Uncle Sam. That's fair game.}
[I said, take it elsewhere. This is about funny cakes, not starting a political Epcot.]
{What's a "political Epcot"?}
[Never mind. You know what I mean. You always know what I mean -- you're me. And I'm you.]
{So we get to have a metaphysical Epcot instead?}
[Are you going to write something that passes muster and might be funny, or not?]
{"Pass the mustard"? That's kind of a July 4thy reference...}
[Look, you...I mean, look, me...that is...]
{Wow. How very erudite. I should let people in on this.}
[This is a private conversation between one person!]
{Are you asserting a right? Sounds kind of political to me.}

Oh. Hi, all. I was just sort of musing about these cakes, you know. Glad you're feeling better, Jen.

Anyway, the placement of the middle gingerbread man in front of the tank leaves something to be desired. But having him atop the turret would mean leaving out what I guess / hope is supposed to be, 'USA'.

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

"So, in conclusion, here's a gingerbread soldier with his head on fire being run over by a tank"

OK that's gave me a nearly incurable case of the giggles. Thank you, I really needed it today!

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterOldish Lady

I think the second-to-last one is just sad because "Rise of the Guardians" was such a huge flop, and it was supposed to be his break-out role...

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Glad you're feeling better Jen!

@SuBee and Sharyn ~ I wanna come to the sing-a-long! Can I play the kazoo?

Second wreck from the bottom, the shaving cream one... The cake under all that frosting can't be very big. O.O

@Haiku Joy ~ Choked on my own breath with that one. Y'all are trying to kill me!

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

@ Haiku Joy - "..._ss destruction" Say what?!

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

@mindy: You said, "That cake always boggles my mind." You mean you've seen it before (and lived to tell)? Also, I'm really curious: What does Uncle Sam have to do with any of this?

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

These Cakes, ‘Tis of Thee
(to the tune of My Country ‘Tis of Thee)
(with apologies to SuBee and Sharyn)

My gad, what cakes are these?
Someone please help me, please,
Of these I sing.
For all those men who died
Wouldn’t bakers have more pride?
These I cannot abide,
Some necks I’d wring.

Yes, frosting is a toy
That should bring us all joy
Not wrecks like these.
What were they thinking here?
Were their minds even clear?
Uncle Sam? Not even near.
These don’t appease.

Just glop some frosting down
Make Sam look like a clown,
You really care?
I guess your baker’s pride
Has shriveled up and died.
(Glad it’s not the Princes Bride)
This is bad fare.

Well, now you’ve made us laugh
With patriotic gaffe,
Your work is done.
You’ve got a year to learn,
Oh, please, oh, please, I yearn,
Please learn how to discern,
Or don’t make one.

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSkewed View

Yay, Jen! Hope you are feeling better. I feel slightly guilty that us Wreckies have to be fed EVERY day whilst your 'Botters are fine looking at the same post for like a week. (Do the 'Botters have a name yet, or did I just invent it?) That's not a criticism on your part! Don't go feeling guilty, now. Then I'd REALLY feel guilty. Then, we'd both start looking like that sad Uncle Sam, and what would that get us? Nothing but a shaming from that smiling Gingerbread Man, that's what.

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

I know why you like the second-to-last cake: his hair looks like the potatoes you had at dinner last night. Good for mashed potatoes, not so good on cake.

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Someone also needs to tell all of these wreckorators that Uncle Sam doesn't have a mustache.

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJB

I think the song parodies are getting a little old.

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTed C

The second-to-last cake looks like someone started out to make Neptune, god of the sea, but the design was changed at the last minute. And the last cake had me laughing so hard I think I hurt myself.

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJules

It looks delicious :) I would eat it.

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterIzka

Cake #1 looks like Uncle Sam would if he were featured on 'South Park' (and maybe he has been - I admit that I quit watching a while ago). The others? Well....I'm just glad we here in the Great White North have fewer patriotic icons to wreckorate. Happy 4th to you all for tomorrow!

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkrunchifrog

@Haiku Joy: just a crumb can just hear the response..."Medic--I need frostng...stat!"

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNom D'Plume

These make me happy! Lol! I love fluffy head Uncle 'Merica and the gingerbread man is just epic.

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

What's really old are haiku. Man! Since the 1600s!

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Kind of like “Going Out of My Head” by Little Anthony and the Imperials only without the music because that would be a song and I’m swearing off. I swear.

Oh I think I’m going to listen to Ted,
Yes I think I’m going to o-bey Ted,
‘Cause I’m Su-u-u
Yes I’m Su-u-u.

I want to write more songs
Like Sharyn,
But Ted said he thinks that I should not.

So I think I’ll have to listen to Ted
Otherwise I’ll just go out of my head
‘Cause I’m Su-u-u
Whoop dee do-o-o

Gonna listen to Ted ‘cause I’m Su.
Nothing else I can do, doodly do.
Gonna Listen to Ted, day and night,
All the time on this site.

Okay, I’m done.

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Looking at Cake #1, thinking: Is that Spongebob Flaghead????

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

I'm glad to see that Santa was able to get that summer job playing Uncle Sam.

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteranonymoose

@ SuBee - Nooooo! More parodies... MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE!!!!!!! Besides, this place is for everyone! It's Cake Wrecks!!! With Sharyn & Skewed View, it's a trio!!!! :-0 And if we include Just Andrea (didn't you write a parody once? or was it Jodee?) then it's a quartet. Pretty soon we'll have enough for a choir! :-) Or a band...well, ok, a trio is enough for a band...I could join ya. I used to play French Horn & piano - just not @ the same time. :-)And I was in choir for a couple of years too... Just sayin'

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

Go @SuBee :-)

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

If you stop the song parodies OR the haiku, I will be so sad!

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTaffy Cake

Keep it up with the song parodies. Skewed view, I don't recall seeing one from you before, if you're new, welcome to the club, it was brilliant.

SuBee, unlike Sharyn, I didn't recognize the song of your first post, what was it?

PS I wanna join the Cakewrecks Epcot Bunker Choir!

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

Ted C, I most vehemently disagree! After the cakes and the witty commentary from Jen, John and others, part of the joy of visiting every day is seeing song parodies from Sharyn and Sue, as well as the poetry from Haiku Joy, and Mel's letters from Mr. Potato, Head Counsel, and. . . .

The talent among these commenters here is priceless. There are days when they are the only ines who can make me laugh! I wouldn't want them to change a thing.Too bad we can't corral all this talent and transplant it to some of these wreckerators!

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Cake #6 reminds me of Bing Crosby in Holiday Inn - Lincoln's Birthday celebration.
Welcome back Jen!!!

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMichelleP

@Nancy-It was supposed to be "Proud to Be an American."
If there's a choir, and I have any say, you're in!

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

@TedC Never! The song parodies will never end!

(I hope! ^^)

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDarkmoon

Aw, shucks. You guys are swell. If only there was something that I could do for you...

Hey! I know! Let's put on a show!!!!

If only I knew someone who played the french horn... Waaaitt a minute...

(It's official. I HAVE to write a "Cake Wrecks: The Musical" post...

@Nancy: It's "Proud to be an American" by Lee Greenwood, and it was masterful. As was Skewed View's song.

July 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

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