My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Infantile Humor

[Tinkling bell]

[very polite Englishman] "Yes, I'd like to order a baby shower cake, if I might. Something perhaps a bit creepy. Not fond of the mother, you see."

[very polite English salesman] "Yes, of course, of course... Might I suggest our Face of Birth cake?"

"Hm, yes, it is quite creepy, but I was thinking something a bit more, if that's not too much trouble?"

"Not at all, sir. Perhaps this will be more to your liking?"

"Oh, that is unsettling... but could we remove the body?"

"Say no more. I've just the thing:"

"Yes, yes, I can see how that might send a bit of a shiver. Could we maybe bury the baby IN the cake, though? Perhaps add a crustacean?"

"Ahh, the old 'crustacean on half a newborn!' That's my specialty, sir, and it's quite creepy - if I do say so myself."

"You know, I truly appreciate your effort, my good man, but I think we've missed the mark. I tell you what: just make something vaguely baby shaped and slap it on the ugliest cake you can find. Think we could do that?"

"Of course, sir, and may I compliment you on your excellent sense of humor? I shall have it post haste."



Thanks to Britani, Valentina V., Alexia O., Alison P., & Zahirah for the ruddy good time.

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Reader Comments (67)

The last one is truly the worst cake I've ever seen. Sorta makes you throw up a little.

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMargaret

That last cake is putting me off my breakfast.

However, the first cake really is quite good if you take out the baby head.

I'm still trying to figure out the lobster on the baby bottom one. And that kid has gigantic feet.

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTrista

Love this! Picturing John Cleese ordering the cake from Michael Palin ala' The Cheese Shop.

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJulia

Sung to "Under the Sea"

There really is nothing meaner
On somebody else's cake
Than slapping a baby face there
So guests do a huge spit take
Such creepiness will astound them
Just heads -- baby, less is more
Put crabs near a baby, mounded
Is that what you're looking for?

Ugly baby, ugly baby
Darling it's better
When you unfetter
Ugly baby!
Cakes that will surely ruin their day
What do you care -- you still get paid!!!
Just can't help gloatin'
When you come totin'
Ugly baby.

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

The one with the crustacean eating the feet of a drowned baby is going to give me nightmares.

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBB, Miami

Cake #2:
The baby is dead,
But guests will come anyway.
Let's make "Coffin Cake!"

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterbirdergirl

Face of birth, is that a reference, perhaps?

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBella

That second one really creeps me out. I almost expected to see a "Viewing hours are..." somewhere there. Eeww.

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Long time fan and comment lurker, finally had to emerge because Sharyn, that is your best ever. You are brilliant. And so is this blog. First site I check every morning, which I suppose says something about my priorities in this world. (ie, they're as they should be!)

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShekuse

"Love this! Picturing John Cleese ordering the cake from Michael Palin ala' The Cheese Shop."

You, too, huh? Maybe Graham Chapman's army officer can step in at the end and say, "Right, this is getting to weird and disgusting and creepy. Next post, please!"

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEric Gjovaag

Cake #1 is well executed, if a bit oddly proportioned. The disembodied baby head adds the appropriate amount of creepiness to make it a wreck.

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdutchgirl

I happen to know that the last one is the highly-sought-after StalePopcorn&VomitWithABabyAlienSmackedOnTopAsAnAfterthought cake! It's one of the most popular designs this season! That recipient is a lucky mother...

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

A little babe without a bod,
Some would say that’s rather odd,
“What can we do?” asked the teacher,
“I’m not sure that I can reach her.”
But the child worked hard,
And the teacher said,
“When it comes to learning,
She’s ahead….”

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

Aaaaaaauuuuggghh D: Sharyn :D

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I don't see anything wrong with the first three. They remind me of Barbie doll cakes and are decorated well.
The last two are crappy looking.

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterH

The old "My pram has fallen and I can't get up" routine, what what?
Something vaguely funereal? Or would that be a bit dodgey?
Now THAT is a bit dodgey!
I think someone has lost the plot.
Now that's just rubbish!

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersandy

Lobster? On a baby cake? Seriously? Ug
That last one ranks right up there at the top of the worst, most disgusting cake. How did they get it to look like that??? Oh, right. Better not think about that too much.

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

I can't be the only one that counted the toes on the baby butt cake, right???

And where would one find edible tulle? I'm trying to find something on that cake besides the frosting that you could actually eat.

The last one just...just... Hey @Haiku Joy, they need a real fondant baby to go on that mess! Maybe the Elvis one? Heeheehee

@Sharyn One of my favorites! Well done!

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

How many Surrealists does it take to bake a Wreck?

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCheryl

Why does the baby on the ugliest cake in the world have a tail? The lobster is also disturbing, but at least it's not ugly. The ugly cake hurts my eyes.

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSheri

Why does the baby on the ugliest cake in the world have a tail? The lobster is also disturbing, but at least it's not ugly. The ugly cake hurts my eyes.

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSheri

Actually, I thought the first one was cute. The rest... O.o

The lobster one is a real Whiskey Tango Foxtrot provoker. And that final one is beyond comprehension.

Sharyn- that was brilliant!

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterakathleen

Spit spot! at least the shoes were bronzed...?

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterama

@Cheryl ("How many Surrealists does it take to bake a Wreck?"):
I'd say only one; but the wreck has to *really want* to be surreal...

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Save only for the random baby head, the first cake is well-done and quite pretty. Shame, really.

Now, as for that final wreck... I'm torn between assuming those are styrofoam packing peanuts, and fearing they're actually large maggots...

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

@dutchgirl: Is it just a weird coincidence that you used the words "executed" AND "disembodied baby head" both in the same sentence? This thing is getting curiouser and curiouser.

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

The last cake looks like it has lumpy oatmeal on it!!! :S

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

The second cake is just too creepy. I don't think I could stay at a baby shower with that thing in the room.

Am I the only one who sees a lion cub in the third cake?

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJanBoogie

The last one is obviously from an archaeologist who found this cake amid some cave paintings:
(see last photo)
This cake has been unearthed after centuries of being buried!
How exciting!

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFM

That last one looks like an old 80s Christmas candle I found at the back of a shelf in the basement. Seriously, someone took it out of the dumpster and put baby flotsam on it!

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPatti

I think this group of cakes needs an accompanying well known song but with new lyrics that reflect the cakes. Oh wait....

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTed C

How many surrealists does it take to bake a wreck? Four: One to bake, one to walk the giraffe, and two to call play-by-play.

#1 FOR A WRECK (ear scratch), this is quite well done. Maybe that isn't the right phrase to use...

#2 I sort of went with the visitation thing, too. Moving right along...

#4 There's some in-reference here that would have everyone rolling on the floor -- if we only knew what it was. Right? RIGHT?

#5 The 'baby' looks more like a puppy. As for what whatever-it-is is displayed on... First I went to oatmeal, then to popcorn, lovingly frosted with glucose to account for the shininess. Then, despairing for the future of baked goods, I went to my happy place.

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I thought the last one was a fox wearing goggles...

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGoodjedi

@Sharyn: BRILLIANT!!

The butt baby w/lobster cake is well done and kind of cute, but you just have to wonder - what prompted the lobster??? Maybe the nursery will be ocean-themed and the well-meaning shower hostess wanted to add that tie-in?

The last one...why DOES the baby have a tail and why is it on a molten sheet of copper? This alarms me. That and their frosting is greige. Ick.

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

That first cake reminds me of something... hmm, what could it be?
Oh! I know! The Knight Bus, squeezing between two trucks.

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

When I first glanced at that last cake, I thought it was covered in wet popcorn. Actually, I think that would have helped.

Maybe the mother-to-be never had any morning sickness and felt like she was missing something. So they ordered her a cake that would make her vomit on the spot.

And I'm just not getting the crab on the baby butt. Must be an ultra-private joke.

Sharyn, brilliant as always!

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Sharyn, as always, your filking is nothing short of amazing.

And Julia, you beat me to the punch. I was imagining John Cleese as the customer, and the entire entry as a Monty Python sketch. I'm not sure if I was hearing Michael Palin the first time I read it, but I definitely heard his voice on the re-read.

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPurpleRanger

The first one looks like it got run over by a cartoon steamroller.

The second one I would not allow in my house for fear it might awaken during the night. I imagine waking during the night to it stabbing me and repeating, "Want some cake? Want some cake? Want some cake?"

The third one looks like a medieval painting of a baby.

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDanny

The last one I think is a diaper cake wrapped in a fuzzy blanket, not meant for consumption. Still a wreck, though.

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkae

Does that last cake have piles of poo AND glitter? Really, who could ask for more?

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen

Awww, #1 was so close.

#2: Ack! The doll with the open-and-shut eyes! One of those eyes ALWAYS gets stuck in the open position and makes the doll that much more creepy.

#3: That is either the biggest baby bed or the tiniest baby, er, head I've ever seen. I'm just going to pretend that is one of those woven-alien-head hacky sacks, then.

#4: o_O The baby is frugin' with that rock lobster!

#5: Bronzing the baby's shoes? $80. Bronzing the baby's blanket? $200. Displaying them on a giant pile of petrified baby spit up? *herk*

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

Crabs I can understand for obvious reasons, but lobsters?

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah B.

I can suffer the last one if shut my eyes and convince myself that it's just a bad picture with poor lighting. That's all it is. Aheh. Heh heh. That's it. Bad lighting. [nervous laughter]

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSteph

I say, m'dears, must one have an Ewok upon that final cake??? I certainly hope it IS the final cake made by this baker - after one has reached the ultimate nadir of one's profession, one can only retire gracefully to the Old Wreckorators' Home.

@kae ~ That would be really great if that's what it was. However, if you blow it up (now THERE'S a thought!) you can see that it actually has frosting on it.

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

I was picturing Eric Idle and Michael Palin in the Chemist Sketch--where Idle is trying to buy a new cologne. If it's English, it must be Monty Python. :-)

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

Ewww! That last one looks like something that was dragged out from under the bed in somebody's great-great-grandmother's house ...

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterApril Fool

Oooooooh. 'Whiskey Tango Foxtrot provoking'. I have a new favorite response to anything stupid.

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterColin M

Why, oh why is the last cake SO shiny? Choking on coffee now...

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKathie

Is that last one even edible?

July 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterErin

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