My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Penguin Awareness Day

My friends, it's 3:17 AM.


Well it is.

And now you are AWARE.


In honor of Penguin Awareness Day, here are a few more facts you should know:

FACT: Penguins have hinged necks, and can swivel their chins up 160 degrees.

Or maybe this one was hit by a truck.

Either way, best not to step over it while wearing a skirt.


FACT: Penguins are part ninja. One could be sneaking up behind you at this very moment, and you would never know.

A dark aura of foreboding washed over Rudolph... along with the faint scent of kippers.


FACT: Penguins have an affinity for lifting classic cars with their beaks.
It really impresses the hot chicks.

"Vroom vroom, mutha*&!@r!"


FACT: Penguins don't die.
Well, ok, they DO die, but then they turn into ghost penguins, which are, like, WAY cooler.

FACT: That "cooler" line was totally intentional.


FACT: Penguins can actually melt in water tainted with 2000 Flushes.

So no splashing.


Thanks to Traci G., Stefanya M., Michele K., Ginie, Chardy C., & Gene H. for nuthin' but the facts, man.



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Reader Comments (42)

Sung to the ABC song

That's a penguin
Golly gee.
Swivel neck is sneaking up on me
Vroom vroom next
Ghosts I see
Melting, vexed
"Why?" I plea.
Penguins are aware of me
Next time, I won't sing, I'll flee.

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

On Penguin Awareness Day, it's important to remember, not only the neatly attired LGBT penguins and the wee, cute little mechanic penguins; the gifted ninja and double jointed penguins or the formerly living ghost penguins who may or may not have met their demise in a roiling ocean of 2000 Flushes, but also the biggest penguin I've ever seen. An electric penguin, twenty feet high, with long green tentacles that sting people, that you can stab in the wings and watch the blood go spurting pssssshhh in slow motion.
Now THAT was a penguin.

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Whoo first comment! First ever for CW. :D
(That might be because you posted this at 3:17 A.M your time, and it is now *checks* 6:23 A.M. my time.)
The second penguin... I'm still trying to figure that out. Is its nose higher up its head than its eyes? And what's with the triangles for chins...?
Number three doesn't even look like a penguin to me. Looks more like a chocolate-covered Pillsbury Doughboy with a dagger made of crystalized pineapple shoved through his neck. And wearing a Santa hat. While creeping up on Rudolph.

Yeah, I got... nuthin'.

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

Ug! Horrible things to do to cuddly, happy, chubby, cheerful, CUTE penguins.

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Still don't know what a penguin looks like...

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

GAH! Awareness sure has it's price first thing in the morning, especially when drinking my tea! *wipes off screen*
Methinks that is trying to hypnotize me because I can't seem to take my eyes off it, and once I did I probably did my best impression of my dog when we try to talk to him....You know that 'look' where his head is cranked way off to one side and then the other trying to figure out what you are trying to say? Yeah, that was me looking at that poor cake looking for the remnants after it was hit by the truck...anyone get the plate number by the way?
Fact: Rudolph has a 'knowing' look...I think he may like the kippery scent ;)

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLise

The second thing looks SortaKINDAlittleBitLike one of those Cthulhu dude thingies.
That last one...WHAT happened?! The penguin on the right side looks like Don King, who is reported to have died, but is actually a cake model. Stranger things have happened. Especially here.
=^e.e^= *snort*

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Penguins are my absolute favorite animal and I am very sympathetic to their cause. However, that first one makes me think of a plague mask:

Yikes! Way to make me find penguins freaky!

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDrockbox

According to a song on the FuMP by The Chris Waffle Experience, "Penguins Are Disgusting." These cakes don't disprove that viewpoint.

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEric

I think that second penguin is supposed to be sliding on its belly, but why would they design a non-sculptured cake that way? Did they seriously think it had a chance of turning out all right?

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

In a small bit of irony, today the Dr. Scholl’s Foundation released a long-awaited research report that concluded that after spending a lifetime walking on glaciers, ice flows and frozen tundra, penguins do not have happy feet.

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Clearly that first penguin, with his majestic purple coat, is a Royal Penguin.

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSir Laffsalot

My new book, coming soon: “Do Flattened Black Patent Penguins Really Reflect Up?”

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNom D'Plume

Cake 3: Although Rudolph had never had one of these short-legged flightless birds this close behind him before, his rolling eyes and silly grin clearly indicated he was not adverse to a little penguin prodding.

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Boy Blue

Cake Four: Reflecting on his present situation, Jacques felt perhaps he had erred in responding to the auto shop ad that said they were looking for a “jack.”

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSkewed View

Fifth cake: In sealing their home for the winter, Bert and his brother had been rather careless, and now found themselves covered with Ig-Glue….

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterThe Midnight Writer

Last Cake: It was the double-dog dare of penguins: float in it after 2001 flushes.

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSue DaNimm

Awww-don't tell us THAT!! Maybe if they'd been given half a chance, the Scholl would've have been on the other foot. =^-.-^=

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Have to agree with @sendingtheclowns - the second one isn't flattened, it is Pengthulhu in cake form. Nicely done, too.

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMoe

Seems that also, dead penguins become ghosts on Northern Hemisphere (or at least I thought igloos were traditionally built there, not in Antarctic). Serves right all those polar bears!

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkt

Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li!

...say the "ghost penguins"...

[Thanks to H. P. Lovecraft and E. A. Poe - the former being a squeeing fanboy of the latter and borrowing that mysterious cry from Poe's "Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym" for his "At the Mountains of Madness"]

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGoryDetails

The 1st one looks like a purple cake version of the chicken lady from Kids in the Hall.

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMy goodness

Just to let you know: Don't forget, January 27th is "Down the Rabbit Hole" day when everything goes wacky and things don't make sense!!! [So, write all the crazy stuff online that you can. It's time for things to not make sense!!! (Why, because it's Lewis Carroll's birthday . . .)

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBridget Ilene Delaney

are we sure penguin-with-the-upside-down head isn't part rabbit? he looks like he has long ears...

then sneaking up on Rudolph penguin's beak looks like a shard of something sticking out of his throat.

and the snow penguins look like they were either attacked by the White Witch or are in camouflage....

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjo

Youngest adores penguins, but somehow I don't think I should let her see these cakes. Half of them she wouldn't agree were penguins, and the others she'd try to help. And Rudolph is...just disturbing. His expression says he knows who it is and he's done this before. I know why he didn't play in reindeer games: he didn't WANT to. "Got something more exciting, wink-wink?" "Man, you're WEIRD. Go play with the penguins." So he did.

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

I thought you were going to give us a parody of "Do You Want To Build A Snowman?" from Frozen, because those first lines fit perfectly. :-D

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie E.

Wow... That 'penguin' cup cake behind the Rudolph is the stuff nightmares are made of.

Fact: Jen, you are hilarious! I had several looks from people as I burst into giggles.

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMeg

I love penguins. The second one looks like a weird octopus hyrbid that has its head on upside down or maybe it could be Badtz Maru after he was run over by a steamroller.

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

Rudolph's friend.... his beak is coming out of his chest..... poor fella

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDiana C

The first one looks like the purple teletubbie
dressed as a penguin for Halloween

January 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAna

Why can't it be "Penguin Appreciation Day?" "Penguin Awareness Day" just sounds so foreboding.

I think the reindeer in the third pic is cute in a poo-log kind of way!

January 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTeal

What on earth are the wreckerators doing that they can't figure out a penguin is not an insane purple ewok looking thing lol. Sheesh I would just run screaming from the one sneaking up on poor Rudolph.

January 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

The Rudolph cupcake is actually cute.

January 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCynthia

Pen-goo-ins is prac-tic-ally chickens! Especially performing ones from Hoboken!

(Warner Bros. cartoon fans in the house-- REPRESENT!)

Your Pal,


January 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStorm

In the third cake that penguin reminds me of those Zwarte Piet cakes you featured several years ago.

January 21, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersuclarke

@Storm, *Kermit flail* I was just coming to make that very comment!

January 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterZippy

That first "penguin" reminds me of one of Witchiepoo's minions!

January 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJen

My long-lost zoo pals,
do you truly not know me?
I am the penguin.

January 21, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

#1 looks like demented genetic crossing between a teletubby & a care-bear.
#2: A "Cthulu-corn" penguin?

January 22, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNerfbomb

re: melting in blue water, there is an allegedly true story of somebody with more money than taste (?my dodgy reollection is a French countess?) who decided to make a lake full of swans, thought the water was too brown and ordered blue dye added to it, rather spoiling the party when the swans all died with agonised squawking.

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAA

Where's *my* penguin CCC?! <patooie!> *sniff, sniff* The one I sent in and told you how the plastic base collapsed <GASP> when I tried to surreptitiously return it to the half-priced shelf? And the cupcakes started sliding off because apparently I picked the ONLY store bakery that doesn't anchor the CCCs with a mound of icing underneath?! Or how I got icing all over my clothes trying to catch the @$#@%$ THING!!! And THEN, shamefaced, crestfallen, (and looking for a crack to swallow me up), I had to go to the bakery manager and explain how I'd... uh... thought about buying it & tried to put it back and they needed to do an icing/CCC clean-up on aisle 12?! Have you no sympathy?!! show wedding cakes that made brides cringe and cry...yeah, ok, definitely no sympathy. Nevermind. ;-)

And in case any Wreckies are wondering, no, the store did not make me buy it. Whew! I mean, all that dark icing and it wasn't gluten-free either, so what would I have done with it?! :-)

January 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKarate Lady

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