Oh-So-Ugly

Valentines Strategery

Valentines Day is next week, so it's a good idea to start strategizing now. I mean strategerizing. I mean stratavarigizing. I mean WHATEVER SPELLCHECK YOUR NOT THE BOSS OF ME.

[What you're not seeing - other than me yelling at my screen like a madwoman - is that spellcheck is telling me "strategizing" is spelled wrong but "your" is right. IRONIC, idn't it?)

Ahem.

I'm going to assume you haven't already proceeded with Operation Dump Week, so let's move on to plan C:  Choosing the right gift.

First of all, remember that you can never go wrong with roses.

 

  Unless they're these roses.

 

 Or these ones.

 

 Or...SWEET MERCY, has Sleeping Beauty been on another rampage?!

 

Ok, maybe instead you should go with a single, long-stemmed...

....tape worm.

 

 You know what, forget the roses. Teddy bears are where it's at:

Or, sure, decaying gophers could work too, I guess. 

 

Here's a good option if your guy/gal is nicknamed "Poo Bear:"

A yellow-bellied Poo Bear? Nice one, bakers.

 

You could also just stick to the Valentine basics: you know, hearts, cupid arrows, that sort of thing.

That's it.

YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.

 

 

 Sing it with me, Kathleen S., Lindsay R., Maria V., Suzanne, David G., Amanda S., & Caroline M.: 

Shot through the heart!

And you're to blame! 

You give loooove

A BAD NAME.

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Bottoms Up!

New Year's Eve isn't until Sunday, but it looks like a few bakers have started celebrating early, if you know what I mean.

Yep. Definitely a whole lotta "celebrating" going on.

Yessirree, some serious merry-making.

I'm talking some exuberant saucy-sloshed tipsy-toppy revelry, people.

[winkwinknudgenudge]

[nodding knowingly]

[waggling eyebrows]

****

[uncomfortable silence]

*****

[crickets chirping]

****

Ok, maybe we should address the elephant in the room.

THE BAKERS ARE DRUNK.

 

I mean, c'mon. How else can you explain this?

****

[head tilt]

Wow. What a waist.

 

Holly G., Catie C., Patricia W., Jodee R., Amanda M., & Mrs C. for reminding us to always - ALWAYS - hic UP.

*****

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