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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Oct192010

Regular Wrecks

Okay. I'm sure you all get it by now: Chocolate icing, when squeezed out of a pastry bag, looks like poop. Always. Especially when it's filled with air bubbles. And nuts. And sometimes corn.


Which is why sometimes I have to believe these wreckerators are messing with us.

I mean, c'mon, look at this:

I'm pretty sure I saw that topper in Spencer's gag-gift section.

Or how 'bout this guy?

Me thinks Mr. Hanky's been drinking too much Red Bull.


EXPLANATION FOR OLDER GENERATIONS: See, Mr. Hanky is a cartoon character made of [cartoon] poop. No, really. Yes, I know: kids these days. And Red Bull is an "energy" drink that they claim gives you wings, but they're lying, and someone should tell you that before you go and get your hopes up and order your "Super Jen" outfit with matching sparkle cape and steampunk goggles. For example.


Sometimes they try to confuse us by throwing in random flotsam:

Are those...shovels? Axes? Wait. Is this a pun? Chopping a log? Oh, man, that is a new low, Wreckerators. Really. And for the love of lazy lumberjacks, WHY IS THERE A CHERRY ON TOP? This is NOT a "cherry on top" kind of moment!*

You know what really gets me, though? Over in Japan, where for some reason folks are obsessed with poo, bakeries make cakes that are actually *supposed* to look like #2 - but you know what those cakes look like? THIS:

That is seriously some of the cutest...stuff...I've ever seen.
(Although the flies with bunny heads will be visiting my nightmares tonight.)

But come over here to America, where ostensibly our bakeries do *not* make fecal facsimiles, and we get....this:


God bless America.

With a cherry on top.

(Seriously? Seriously?)


Thanks to Jen C., Kimberly W., Liz G., Kseniya T., & Mollie B., who are all Wreckies of excellent moral fiber.

*Update from john: First of all, yes. We know. Secondly, WE HAVE AN EPCOT!!! Under your desks everyone! This is not a drill!

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Reader Comments (143)

Oh man, those cupcakes literally made me gag Dx

But the link to Japan's poop obsession is quite nifty! They have chocolate balls that are supposed to resemble deer droppings ^_^ AND they have the most hilarious (and pretty graphic for a cartoon) ad for a singing tiger that aids potty training. So funny! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6-KrrIbAEs&feature=player_embedded

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDas

Where can one purchase a Superperson costume with a Sparkle Cape and Steam Punk Goggles? Just wondering- when my kids are in High School I may need to walk them to school one day. Or use the costume as ammo- "I will walk you to school wearing that if you..."

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh... dear...

The first picture in particular looks GREAT with the gravel-encrusted bottom!

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

The second one looks like a Pooterfly.

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That last cake has scarred me for life.

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStuckinmypedals

*gets out Epcot survival kit*

What is the last one even supposed to be? XD I've been staring at it and I can't for the life of me figure it out. It's like the wreckerator wanted to make a cake that looked like dog poop.

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIngeborg

What the eff is that last cake supposed to be??

And I agree... except for the intentional poo cake, I'd hurl if somebody presented me with those things.

wv: gascidat - what I'd say if presented with those cakes. "Ga!scidat outta here!"

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

This reminds us of a George Washington joke.

A little boy chopped down a tree. His Daddy asked who did it. The little boy admitted that he did. His Daddy gave him a spanking.
Through his tears, he said "George Washington's Daddy didn't spank him."
Daddy replied "His father wasn't IN the tree!"

wv: peyno -peyno mind to the Epcotters

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjeliecam

Not being American, I didn't see George Washington's cherry tree, but instead I got the Lumberjack Song in my head, these lines in particular:

"I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lava-treeeee."

I never thought I'd see them all portrayed together in such a wrecktacular fashion. I find the little green bogeys that are decorating them somewhat disturbing though.

I love reading the comments, especially when you find the point where John has updated (reflected in the following comments) and some people are still Epcotting all over the place.

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWolverine Girl

Maybe... chopping down the cherry tree... George Washington reference?

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Yay! I got the Mr. Hanky/Red Bull reference. I am officially not old!

WV: ferses. In a battle of cakewreckers fersus good taste, the wreckerators always win.

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

love it, love it, love it! mr.hankie the red-bull drinking poo should team up w/ those yule-log cupcakes for a merry holiday bash! that'd be a sight to see :D seriously, though, your blog is so amazing, it's my go-to for laughter & appetite suppression!

& thanks for featuring the photo of the japanese poo cake! i live in japan now & desperately wanted my kids & husband to get me a poo-cake for my birthday..but, no..instead my husband was promoted to Chief (he's in the USN), & we didn't see him for near a month..so, we're having poo-cake w/ poo-lolli-pops on thanksgiving!

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

hey did you think that the cherry cupcakes were celebrating the day cherry merry muffin started using bran?

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I can't believe no one figured out that the cherry poo logs were for George Washington's birthday!

Hidey Ho, Kyle!

I'm fifty and I got both the Mr. Hankey (the Christmas Poo) and Red Bull references. Don't sell the old people short.

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDoctor Tarr

There I was smiling at the hilarious commentary and the so-disgusting-I-can't-stop-staring wrecks as I scrolled upon John's update. But did I listen? NOOOOOO! He even warned "This is not a drill!"
But I thought, "Oh surely not!" and away I clicked to the comments. I now have only myself to blame for this migraine of Epcot proportion!

I can just picture the Lisa Loopners and Todd DiLaMucas sniffling and pushing their glasses back up their noses, hunched over their keyboards, as they "educate" Jen, John, and the rest of us.

I'm gonna get some Excedrin and get back under the desk.

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjillb-ilslp

wtf is that last one supposed to be??? seriously, is it a disappointing bowel movement??

the cherry/log/axe visual will give the bunny-headed flies a run for the money in my nightmares tonight. UGH

-Barbara Anne

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I happened upon you blog by accident and ending up sending a link to all my friends. How funny, my husband and I are still laughing. Even deocorated like a butterfly it still looks like poop. I'll be laughing for days. Thanks! :)

October 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBetty

Oh man those "logs" with the axes and cherries made me feel a bit ill. What were they thinking??? Everything starts to look like poo when chocolate is in the mix. And I love chocolate to death just not when it looks like Mr. Hanky or a Great Dane's pile..yuck.

October 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

I think the cherry on top for the third one was a representation of George Washington chopping the cherry tree.

October 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnisa

I love the devil-horns hands the poo-monster has raised. What a hilarious-awful cake phenomenon... weird googly eyes, flies and devil horns... on a pile of turd.

Thanks for the laugh!

October 20, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteralison

As if I wasn't already feeling depressed about turning 23 in 2 1/2 weeks (before you hate on me, I know, it's not that old, it just feels that way to me!), I had to reference your "EXPLANATION FOR OLDER GENERATIONS" in order to fully understand a wreck. Crap. (hehe...that was an accident!)

On the other hand, how the heck did everyone come up with the thing for Washington's birthday? And who buys cupcakes to celebrate it??

~Kellie

October 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKellie

All I could think of with the poo and the ax was the baker must have IBS and the plunger wasn't strong enough? Log choppin saves time and energy by preventing the clog in the first place....

October 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Sorry to say, but the Japanese can't be blamed for the living poo cake.

The language beneath is Chinese.

October 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

came to read the comments and had to post because my WV is "ingess" ...

I think someone's been some "ingess"ting too much fiber lately!

:)

October 20, 2010 | Unregistered Commentershobelle

This has probably already been said, but just in case...

That cake isn't Japanese. Yes, Japanese are obsessed with poop. But the card in front of that cake isn't written in Japanese or show a price in yen. ;)

October 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterApril

Some of those cakes could make a chocolate buttecream fan like myself think twice ;(

October 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

LOL Epcot! *Whooop-whoooop* Red alert! Red Alert! This is not a drill! I repeat, this is NOT a drill! This is what you have been trained for! Dive! Dive! Dive under your desks!

I know! Those cupcakes are for someone who had their gall bladder removed. It symbolizes a see-through container to view what used to empty into your gall bladder (look cherries!). The axe symbolizes the instrument used to take out a gall bladder (How would you know? You're anesthetized!). Oh, you mean that's not it? George Washington? Really? Huh. ;-D

wv: nesseses - It's nesseses to explains Epcots agains and agains to those hobbitses.

This wv would have been good for yesterday's post with boss', boss's, and bosses. Those nasty bosseses...oops shhh mine's coming!

October 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ok, my 3 year old was walking by as I perused this post and he said "mommy, what's that?" I asked him what he thought it was. He said, and I quote, "Yucky poo poo!" I laughed harder than I had at the original photos :)

October 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm pretty sure the "logs" are actually meant to depict cherry trees. You know, President's Day cupcakes to celebrate George Washington's chopping down his father's cherry tree. Nothing like celebrating bad behavior with cake.

October 20, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbrookelmt

"And sometimes corn" SNORT!

October 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm waiting for the Poo covered Epcot. Seriously. With cherries. And nuts. For that realistic effect.

No.

I'm not kidding.

...Why are you all laughing at me?

WV - cuouren: What happens to your urine when you eat too much poo cake.

http://velcrowallpaper.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">My Blog about my life, my kids and my crazy: Velcro Wallpaper

October 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Mina

Hey! I'm pretty sure fifty thousand other people haven't said this before me, but I think the log cupcakes are for Washington's derrrrpday. Hurr durr comment. ;)

October 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCaitlin C.

This is a song about poo
I know the word is taboo
Don't make a hullabaloo
It's something all of us do...

I close to blaming Richard Stilgoe for inspiring bakers to decorate their cakes with poop, but I can't!

October 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Whiz Kid Forte

Hey, I think those cherry logs are meant to commemorate Epcot's birthday.

October 21, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterspoofmaster

Isn't there a poo themed restaurant somewhere in Japan? I think I saw something about it on the Travel Channel.

October 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAllie

Oh man, these were awesomely hilarious!

Oh, I lost it LONG before "moral fiber", I almost fell out of my chair at the epic "This is NOT a cherry-on-top moment!", looking at those poop log cakes with the little axes in them.

I don't know HOW the wreckerators stuck those little hatchets in the icing dumps without bowling over at the waist laughing.

The Fecal Monster there looks very very close to a very certain raid monster in World of Warcraft:

http://wowraid.com/img/icecrown/festergut/festergut.jpg

WV: Lubeties. No comment!

October 21, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterfadedwinter

Mr. Hanky the christmas poo!!!
Howdy Ho!!!

October 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Interesting that 'Happy Birthday' on the Japanese cake is written in English. And it's really cutes. :S

October 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterOut of the box teacher

Okie, I cannot possibly read through all 138 comments above me, so I don't know if anyone has mentioned this already - but the poo cake picture was actually taken in Taiwan.

If you look really really closely, the price listed on the name tag was in 'NT$ 500', which means New Taiwan dollar. Approximately US$16.

October 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

Definitely miniature Yule Logs and NOT anything to do with George Washington. Look up Yule Log on wikipedia.

October 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

someone may have already mentioned, but i couldnt read through all the posts. dodo monster: bunny faces? nah, friendly monster hands. one giving peace sign, the other rock fingers. he is very sweet.

December 31, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErin

I think those cupcakes are representing george washington's birthday or something... just a guess ;)

March 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFreya

So many comments!
I would have to scroll the page.
Energy crisis.

Cannot tell a lie:
Not inclined to read comments.
You read mine instead!

adsmesi:

Mr. Hanky, the new adsmesi for Red Bull.

July 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

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