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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Apr062011

The Incredible, Non-Edible, Plastic Clown Head

It's time to talk about the most versatile tool in a baker's cake-decorating arsenal:

The plastic clown head.

Devotees of the Wilton brand know this staple of cakey flotsam has a long and colorful history:

A history made even more colorful when the clown-headed pink dog is pooping a giant pink rose.

(So, in his defense, this clown's poop really does smell like roses.)

Over the years, the plastic clown heads have really gotten around:


And around...


And...around:


After all, they were so darn versatile!

I mean, what better way to perk up your flowers?


Or add a lively accent to that jungle theme?

Think of it as Bozo's version of Easter Island.

In fact, this time honored tradition continues today, only with slightly more modern sensibilities:

Death becomes him.

And the sprinkles aren't bad, either.

Yep, you could say today's Wreckerator knows just how to take these classic tools of the trade and use them to their fullest and most meaningful...uh...

I'm sorry, but do these uteri look funny to you?

Hey! Guys! What are you doing here? Your post was last week!

Ovary funny: don't try cramping my style, funny guys. I know a fellow peon's pro creation when I see one, period.

Many thanks to wreckporters Katie C., C.B., Hannah C., Penny H., Roisin O., Erica H., Meaghan W., & Melissa M., who think you should really read that last line out loud. Just...'cuz.

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Reader Comments (99)

Those clown heads are appalling,no wonder whatsisname wrote a book about an evil clown, he must have grown up with those hideous monstrous effigies.

Daisies would've helped!

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterdiddleymaz

Most people don't know that there were only 1,000 clown heads ever made. They just keep reusing them, over and over and over . . .

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSandi

Good grief, I think I still have a bagful of those clown heads somewhere in the back of a cabinet... I'd forgotten entirely how -oddly- they can be placed! We were taught to make a sitting-up clown, and mostly to make the clowns appear to be climbing the sides of the cake, where they didn't look too weird. Well, no weirder than any other piece of plastic flotsam, I suppose...

Merry at Annie's Book Stop/Sharon, MA

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OMG! I have a handful of those things in my kitchen junk drawer from birthday cakes over the years. Maybe I should use them next time I make cupcakes ... or not. lol

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

LMAO at the last one!

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Monroe

I think the 6th cake is actually a "literal" cake...it says Happy Birthday Monkeys, meaning: write Happy Birthday on it and then put monkeys on the cake. Funny thing is that they also followed directions by actually putting plastic monkeys on the cake.

Overy funny FTW!

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKati

I took a Wilton decorating class one summer in high school...we ran a week too late and had to combine the "clown cake' (which was a HUGE body-shaped pile of frosting topped with the lovely clown head) with a rose Mother's Day cake. I brought it to my youth group...because what else do you do with a clown and roses cake?

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTara

That pink cake translated really differently to me. My first thought: why is that pink headless monster birthing a clown and squirting squids out its toes?

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAron

I'm just here for the puns.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterracheld

That last sentence is amongst the most awesome I have ever read. You truly rock. Period.

wv:midentu. A Spanish phrase, literally translated to mean, "I bite you."

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLinda in Louisville

These and fanny packs needed to stay in a prior era. How does anyone still use these clowns with as many people that have phobias?

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLAX Car Service

About the cake where the "clown-headed pink dog is pooping a giant pink rose," I thought it was a rose-headed pink man holding balloons by his toes while wearing a jockstrap decorated like a clown head. The sad thing is I'm not trying to be funny. When I first saw the clown in the corner of the cake, that's what I thought it was. LOL

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterladiesinweighting

About the cake where the "clown-headed pink dog is pooping a giant pink rose," I thought it was a rose-headed pink man holding balloons by his toes while wearing a jockstrap decorated like a clown head. The sad thing is I'm not trying to be funny. When I first saw the clown in the corner of the cake, that's what I thought it was. LOL

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJeannette

I was surprised to find out how ridiculously expensive these clown heads were. We did a circus theme for our Cub Scout Blue and Gold Banquet this year, and I told my husband we should have creepy clown cupcakes! Only they're like 50c a piece for the cheapest ones I could find. Not worth it to pay 50c before the cake to creep small children out. :)

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Fabulous Ms Amy

Oops...I spelled ovary wrong.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKati

I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who saw the first cake and thought there was a rose-headed body with a clown head for it's "special place."

oh, and Firefox wanted to autocorrect my wv: anvize to santa.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterelecblueis

I really want to know what the last cake of creepy clowns was supposed to be? They look like they got ran over or something! Poor, creepy-looking clowns.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSecure Hosting

what the heck do you suppose those brown things with clown heads are supposed to be anyway. I guess you got it pegged...what else could they be but uteruses and fallopian tubes!

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDmarie

I bet that uteri cake would taste funny, too.
And I don't know what the heck that first cake is. It looks like a clown octopus is coming after the (clown dog?) and the melted-goo clown. Or maybe it's supposed to be the parachute ride at the "amusement" park. Quien sabe?
--Blondie's Mom

wv: tryclo
Eef somewan geeves ju a clown cake ju chould trycloseeng jur eyes.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Thanks sooooooo much 8-(
I won't be sleeping tonight... Im afraid of them!

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertiny purple elephant

"Bozo the clowns version of Easter Island"...thanks, I needed that laugh today!

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I definitely saw the clown-head-in-the-private-bits at the top right of the first cake, too. Though my first reaction was less 'clown head penis' and more 'headless woman giving birth to fully-grown dead clown'. Too many freaky baby cakes.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OMG Stephen King eat your heart out!

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterVicky

Please pardon my pun, but this post was absolutely HYSTERical!! (So yes, those "uteri" did look funny!) I almost fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard. You guys never fail to give me a laugh, even at the end of a rotten day. Thanks again and keep up the good work!

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermedrecgal

With their little x'ed out eyes it's like someone decapitated them and then thought where does a decapitated clown belong? On something frosted, of course!! Creepy... !

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRebekahRose

Haha we use clown heads at Albertsons. However, at the store I work at, we use them on jumbo cupcakes and make clown bodies so that they actually look cute. I had a lady order 30 regular sized cupcake versions of these.... needless to say it was very creepy to have all of those little clown heads staring back at me.

April 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAngel

LOL...See? Cakes are a sign that civilization is doomed.

April 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDJ Twisted Sister

AIEEEEE! ALL THE CLOWNS!!! This is truly my idea of hell. And the cakes are bad, too.

April 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterApril

the 5th one looks like they're wearing banana collars. clearly, they are Carmen Miranda clowns- does that mean they been mirandized? You have the right to wear fruit, should you choose to wear fruit it cannot be held against you in a court of law...

-Barbara Anne

P.S. @Craig SLACKER!! combining #s 3-5...

April 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Does that cake say happy birthday monkeys?? Lol really? I have a picture of me blowing out a candle on a birthday cake with one of those clown heads on it. I was one at the time and didn't know that those clown heads and all clowns in general (IT one in particular) are to be feared. Lol.

April 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

I hate clowns. The flower one was kind of cute....but oh so creepy and the jungle didn't help ;_;

April 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAdorably Dead

I don't know what's more horrific: the heads themselves all being near-identical, or the fact that they never even stick it on a simple stick-figure! Why do they have to have these tentacle monsters for bodies?! Why?

~Ashlee
http://theDragonsHoard.bigcartel.com

April 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAshlee

I must share: my 3yo saw the clown flowers, laughed, and said, "Silly cake!"

Agreed. Thanks for the morning laughs.

April 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertarichuck

Where are the clown heads on carrots?
Tina

April 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermartina

O_o

I'm officially sufficiently creeped out.

April 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

I should commend you for enabling us to see uteri just as often as we see penises now. Equality in Freudian psychology via frosting FTW? :)

April 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-with-an-e

Hey a cake is a cake and I'd still eat them all

April 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Um, did anyone else notice that the clown heads are DEAD? I mean, x'ed out eyes usually (in the olden days, when clown heads were first introduced) denoted death. Or maybe it's foreshadowing (or maybe I'd like it to be) the death of dead clown heads on cakes.
Tha'd be nice.

April 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuburban Girl

@Anonymous Barbara Anne -- mea culpa. I was hoping to avoid another citation from the post length police while remaining rigorously thorough. Ahem.

Meanwhile, I suppose #6 could be the high desert (or 'high' dessert, if you prefer, which might explain the circumstances of its creation), but that doesn't explain the monkeys or the green ground. Unless, of course, the landscape is not of Earth.

April 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

whoa at the urteo-poo clowns. I can't cook but even I could do better than that.

April 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTexasBlueEyes

Gary @9:50am yesterday - I LIKE the way you think!

April 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

To me that first one looks like a mutant pink triffid wearing a clown-face codpiece. Maybe I should stop reading so much old sci-fi late at night...

April 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

Those clowns have the dead eyes. X X

April 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCalamity

"We all float down here..."

April 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

When I took the Wilton's Cake Decorating class a couple years ago, the entire class flat out refused to do the clown lesson. And I'm still proud we took that stand.

April 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephenie Daily

I was subjected to those horrid clown heads once. I believe it was on my adoption cake, but I think my brain has partially blocked it out. I should have known when I saw those that I was doomed.

April 9, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChristy

I can't help but imagine the first part read with Stephen Colbert's voice and some canned laughter. Hillarious!

April 12, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Those effing things haunted my childhood for the longest time. They were on EVERY cake that ANY member of the family had.

June 11, 2011 | Unregistered Commentershannagan

Aaaaaanndd my brain implodes again.

November 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterG

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