My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The Wreckers Who Don't Bake Pirate Things

Hey, it's Talk Like a Pirate Day!


Since everyone else is talking like pirates, I think we should sing like pirates!



♫  Arr arr ARR!!

We are the wreckers 

who don't bake pirate things!

Any ship we make

  Looks run-aground!


And if you ask us

To bake pirate things... 

We'll just tell you...

We can't bake pirate things.

Wellllllll weeeee've ... 

Never seen a doubloon

And our "octopus" ain't clever

And we think the Jolly Roger 

is that weird guy from the mall!

And our swords are always phallic

 Treasure Island's full of plassss-tic!

And our pirate chest 

looks like it took a fall!

'Cauuusssee weeee're the


Who can't bake pirate things

See, our skull and 'bones 

will astound!!

So if you ask us 

to bake pirate thiiinnngggsss...

We'll just tell you...

We can't bake pirate things.


There now. Arrrrrn't you glad we're done?

Thanks to Laura I., Vicki H., Cindy G., April L., Dianne P., Jeanne T., Courtney S., Sara H., Shannon T., and Steph R., who I trust have never kissed a chipmunk.

All together now, ye scalawags!



« The Far Side of Cake, Vol. 4 | Main | How The Cookie Fumbles »

Reader Comments (88)

This one is Absolutely Fabulous Sharyn. As soon as it started I knew it would be the Veggie Tales song.

Thanks for a much needed laugh this AM.

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDebbaSue

Let's point out cloud shapes:
a Jolly Roger, Munch's Scream,
my class in quiz-shock.

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Arr-har-har! That be a right fine post tharr, me proud beauty! Ye never be failin' t'please!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda H.

I haven't laughed so hard in months. Seriously. Thank you! :)

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterElly

I'm a HUGE VeggieTales fan. I even have the Relient K version of this song on my phone.

Totally gonna be jamming to this the rest of the day. Thanks for posting. :)

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAshley P

Ok, while I know the last "cake" is a CCC (ptooie), it is a better CCC (ptooie) than most of the others shown on here. At least there was sense enough to smoothe the frosting to look like a REAL cake.

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermiss_paper

I got way too excited when I read the title of the post and realized you were parodying Veggie Tales. It's the little things.

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTiffany

When I saw the title, I hoped...and when I saw the lyrics I giggled..., and now: thanks for the earworm, Sharyn! :)

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Now I have that song stuck in my head. Love it!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBetsey

One of my favouritest posts ever!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNewb

I am introducing my children to the VeggieTales that I enjoyed growing up, and this was AWESOME! Thanks for the smiles!!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi

For once, I am glad to have a song stuck in my head. :D Thank you!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSwampgirl Inez

I love the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything! I loved this post.

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMelody

LOVE IT!!! That is one of my favorite silly songs!

Oh my... That was brilliant. I'm so happy you used Veggie Tales! That's one of the best songs, too! :)

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTotalFluffster

Thanks Sharyn! I love Veggie Tales, ESPECIALLY the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything - we need more of these songs in the world! You made my day <3

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSusanD

Glad to see that I'm not the only adult who loves Veggietales! Hmmm, is " Oh, where is my cookie-cake?" next? How could you do "Barbara Manatee"? The possibilities are endless. Thanks for the goofy fun today.

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterheloise

Nice job Sharyn, we love the silly songs at this house! Now I wait with bated breath for the parody of "The hairbrush" song. Plus I think the octopus is actually an alien.

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTrasawee

I don't look good in leggings and I've never been to Boston in the Fall.

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

There once were the bakers who don't
Bake pirate cackes--they just won't.
They can't do their best
With a plain tresure chest
So you shouldn't exoect a whole boat.

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

Love the song, hate the "cakes"
This week has seen a lot of CCC (ptooie!) I am looking forward to Sunday when I can see some decently made cakes.
In the meantime, I will be looking for ways to incorporate Pirate talk into my day.

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

SILLY SONGS WITH LARRY!!! Do "I Love My Lips" next time! I'm sure you could find some terrible, terrible mouth cakes for that. ;)

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCarol


This Pirate ship has met its match,
Lost its rigging, lost its hatch,
Torn asunder, torn in two,
Too late for nails, too late for glue.
Where are the pirates, where did they go?
Some jumped into the brine below
While others stayed upon the wreck
And added to the ol’ poop deck.

Skull and cross bones should strike fear
Into the hearts of all who are near.
This one has one or two wrinkles…
Not too scary surrounded by sprinkles…

You take me for a big buffoon
If you think you’ve made a cool doubloon,
Plastic disks on a cupcake
Does not a pirate treasure make!
And what’s that black stuff doing there?
It does not give your effort flair,
It does not give your effort boon,
Just looks like garbage that’s been strewn.

An octopus? I think not,
It looks some something’s got the rot,
It’s tentacles, they seem astray,
(Perhaps they’ll come back some other day.)

Now it’s time to leave that squid
And take a look at Captain Kidd.
He looks like he’s got some malaise,
I think that he’s seen better days.
(Or maybe he’s been eating dreck
and needs a trip to the poop deck.)

A phallic sword sounds so redundant,
(I wonder if it’s made of fondant?)
Why pierce the heart? I do not know,
Most aim for some place more below….

And Treasure Island…What a look…
Apparently that line from Walter Brooke
In “The Graduate” really took.
All in all it looks fantastic!
(The line in question, simply, “Plastics.”)

That pirate chest, made so bold,
Apparently just could not hold
Itself together long enough
To hide the bounty, treasure stuff,
Made all the pirates feel blue,
It sagged a bit, as chests will do,

More skull and cross bones,
This one looks scared.
It’s a ccc – someone erred,
That really doesn’t count as cake,
So maybe that’s what made it quake.

O, that Last cake…
I’ll keep my decorum
Because I like to play in this forum,
But brown icing…here’s the scoop,
We all know that it looks like poop.
It’s an easy target, but what the heck,
I’ve already twice said “poop deck,”
So let’s just call this a poop wreck.

@Sharyn: Thanks for “The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything.” They are my heroes!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

*claps with glee*

*big cheesy grin*

So much win!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

Veggie Tales! Awesome post- I love that song.

My daughter likes the alien-"octopus" cake and wouldn't mind the Treasure Island one. Is there really cake under all that frosting?

Casey's cake isn't so bad if he's a Sontaran, but I doubt he is.

*Runs and hides from Theadare.*

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

That first one must have been in one mighty battle! I'd hate to see the other guy, huh?

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDebs

A sword through the heart? For "true love?" Who doesn't know it's suppose to be an arrow? At least one baker I would guess. A sword?

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

@Sharyn & @mel: I am always in awe of y'alls creativity! I am truly envious.

I kind of like the Jolly Roger, a la Munch. It's expression makes me laugh.

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh


That is all.

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Hooray for VeggieTales! When I saw the title, I was hoping this post would be a parody of the Pirate veggies. Great post! And now that song will be in my head all day. ♫♪♫

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaura P.


September 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Arrrrr, ye do get seventy-two geek dubloons fer singing that there piraty song, ye do. I'm now going to go kiss me chipmunk and paint a daisy on a big red rubber ball, after which I'll go lay down in my armchair. Yarrrr!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHannah A

Oh Sharyn, this is my favorite. I sang the whole thing (out loud) so fast that I now have to go back and actually look at the cakes. :)

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKdot

Treasure Island looks like a Nantucket/Martha's Vineyard hybrid.

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoJo

#1: What do pirates do when they run out of cannon balls? Why, chop off some heads and use them instead!

#2: Toast 'n' Crossbones

#3: I have no idea what that is supposed to be. Except for the 'coins', it looks like what I clean off of the drain stopper in the bathroom sink...

#4: DnD mash-up with Doctor Who - A Mind Flayer in a gas mask asking, "Are you my mummy?"

#5: Is that a rubber duckie on his hat? At least the wreckerator knew to leave the eyes closed. Can you imagine how creepy that guy would have been with eyes open?

#6: Your sword doth sag, My Lord.

#7: I'm more interested in what's going on in the background, there. I see a glass with a black straw and a cherry at the bottom, a painted egg on a stand, a glass or mug with...Lady Godiva(?) on it, a small bottle of some kind of green elixir...

#8: An excavation site.

#9: I need to check my temperature because I kind of like this guy. He looks nothing like a skull or crossbones, but I kinda dig his, as Haiku Joy mentioned, nod to The Scream.

#10: As Charles Barkley would say, "That's ter-ible".

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

I totally sang along.

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnn L.B.

Just in case no one has sent this link to you yet, here's how to make cupcakes covered in poo and blue sprinkles... erm, sorry, that's chocolate frosting and blue sprinkles... actually, no, pretty sure we need a pooper scooper here!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLeesa

Bravo! I mean, ARRR! Brilliant use of Veggie Tales, matey.

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGina

We sing that pirate song ALL THE TIME at our house! Thanks for the fun post!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie D

Shiver me timbers I needed a good laugh now I need some grog. That pinkish blobby thing is going to haunt me.

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

Like many/most of the ladies who have commented before me, I also love Veggie Tales and am looking forward to your next VeggieTales-inspired post. Thanks, Sharyn!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterwoodnwheel

And this is why, when I made a pirate ship cake, I practiced it first!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterladycrim

Now I have to explain my helpless giggles to the computer lab monitor. : D

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThatDeborahGirl

Since this is a pirate post, am I wrong to read a Princess Bride reference in the phallic sword CCC? If it is, I'd argue that the wreckerator has got the subliminal messaging just about right!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGingerSnap

A sword through the heart? For "true love?" Who doesn't know it's suppose to be an arrow? At least one baker I would guess. A sword?

September 19, 2013 | Lisa

Lisa, you poor sweet naive thing. How can I put this for your delicate sensibilities? Let's just's True Love if a gal lets a fella put his "sword""there"... (and then makes a cake about it, I guess.)

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterE!

yep... TOTALLY SANG ALONG!!! So awesome for such awful cakes!!


September 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterstaxia

I dunno, I think that "octopus" looks more like a turtle...or a tortoise (I never can remember what the difference is). It's an oddly colored one, I admit, but is it any better as an octopus? I don't think so.

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteressjaytee

I knew it was VeggieTales when I STARTED reading the parody!!!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBridget Ilene Delaney

Saw this first thing this morning (pre-coffee) and couldn't stop giggling long enough to post just how awesome this whole thing is. I sang along right from the start! @Sharyn, I love when you do songs in the comments but I'm even more in love (in a completely non-stalkerish way of course!) when you get to build a whole post around them. Thanks Jen and john (thoJ) for including the ever talented Ms. Sharyn in your writing team.

@mel ~ Your word artistry knows no bounds. You're my hero and I less than 3 you, too :-)

@Haiku Joy ~ You could add to the shock and eat another baby ;-)

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Veggie Tales! Love it!

I thought the octopus looked like Squidward with a skin disease though. Nasty!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>