My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The Wreckers Who Don't Bake Pirate Things

Hey, it's Talk Like a Pirate Day!


Since everyone else is talking like pirates, I think we should sing like pirates!



♫  Arr arr ARR!!

We are the wreckers 

who don't bake pirate things!

Any ship we make

  Looks run-aground!


And if you ask us

To bake pirate things... 

We'll just tell you...

We can't bake pirate things.

Wellllllll weeeee've ... 

Never seen a doubloon

And our "octopus" ain't clever

And we think the Jolly Roger 

is that weird guy from the mall!

And our swords are always phallic

 Treasure Island's full of plassss-tic!

And our pirate chest 

looks like it took a fall!

'Cauuusssee weeee're the


Who can't bake pirate things

See, our skull and 'bones 

will astound!!

So if you ask us 

to bake pirate thiiinnngggsss...

We'll just tell you...

We can't bake pirate things.


There now. Arrrrrn't you glad we're done?

Thanks to Laura I., Vicki H., Cindy G., April L., Dianne P., Jeanne T., Courtney S., Sara H., Shannon T., and Steph R., who I trust have never kissed a chipmunk.

All together now, ye scalawags!



« The Far Side of Cake, Vol. 4 | Main | How The Cookie Fumbles »

Reader Comments (88)

I call "Homemade!" on the first one and the pirate chest one.

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAIsha

Squee! Love it! :)

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah C.

THAT was fun!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGranny K

Most shocking comment ever to appear on this blog comes from Heidi: "I am introducing my children to the VeggieTales that I enjoyed growing up, and this was AWESOME! Thanks for the smiles!!" . . . . Now hold on here, but if you grew up with Veggie Tales shouldn't you be like, what, 12 now? Egads, I must just be getting old (since when did 32 become old?). Sigh.

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Arrrr, I do b'lieve yon wreckrrr scallywags 'been keepin' much company with th' rum casks! (And just how does Larry the Cucumber sing such nice harmony upside-down on the swiveling recliner...? 'Never works for me...!) Yarrr, mateys!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteremmay

I love you, Sharyn. I sang this out loud as i read it and broke up laughing quite a few times. Yet another brilliant parody. So glad you are part of the Cake Wrecks team :)

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterjulie

For the next Veggie Tale parody, I vote for "Yodeling Veternarian (sp?)of the Alps". :-) It could be about a yodeling Wreckerator & his or her Assistant... ;-) Or maybe that opera classic, "Oh, Where is My Hairbrush?!". ;-)

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

I LOVE the Pirates who don't do anything and you just made me love it even more!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermargo

YAY for VeggieTales!!! I vote for The Song of the Cebu! :D I bet there are lots of cakes wrecks out there that look like cebus!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

Sharyn, I love, love, LOVE your take on "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything." A perfect parody! May you never lick a spark plug and may you never sniff a stink bug. May your mashed potatoes never be thrown against a wall and your tub never filled with yogurt. Rather, I hope you get to just lay around, not doing anything this weekend!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkbirdcarr

@Heather ~ I'm a little older than you but I was thinking the same thing!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Omg that was so much win I was singing right along!! Great post!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commentervalerie

I've hugged a chipmunk: Dale (who was so happy I knew which one he was since he always gets called Chip).

I love you all to pieces. :D

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara Anne

Thank you thank you thank you for the Veggies!!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJake and Me

@Lisadh: thank you...I enjoy playing here.
@Jodee: you are far too kind...this is such an amazing place to let my mind wander...(I just hope I don't lose it....)

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

LOVE Veggie Tales-- knew it was to that tune as soon as I started reading! Great job!

September 19, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKat

Can't even express how happy I am to hear Veggietales this evening. Because veggies + cake = ... um. Well... something wrecky.

Love ya, Jen!

September 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSusan Greer Bowen

So excited for the Veggie Tales Reference- Bravo!!!

September 20, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterk

Veggietales started at the end of 1993 while I was in college so I can't say I grew up with them, but someone born in 1983 or later could feel like they grew up with them so she's not necessarily that young. Just trying to give some perspective and hoping I'm not coming off sounding like a jerk or anything.

September 20, 2013 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

Is it just me or is that octopus look more like....I dunno, an alien koala? Like not even Stitch alien koala, but like what would happen if a pink octopus and alien koala fell in love and go married and then had a baby.

Yeah....lets go with that.

Anyways, are we sure that top cake isn't suppose to look like that? Cause it kinda looks like a torpedo-ed pirate ship in the middle of breaking apart to me. Or well....a BOX-shaped pirate ship being torpedo-cracked. Then again, maybe I'm just trying to be positive.

...And I'm also not sure if Jolly Roger is a guy rocking out some lipstick, or a woman who really needs to wax her mustache.

Lastly, omg....Halloween is gonna be awful if that's how they draw skulls. HIDE THE SKELETONS!! I HEAR HORRIBLE SKELETON CCCAKES COMING!!!!! AHHHHH!

September 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWhitney

@Jodee: by the way, how are the wedding plans coming...? Just for fun, here are some wedding vowels: A...E....I...O...and ...U.....Y? <3
( Hey Ye! I, oh, and you. Why? love.....) Loosely translated: Hey, you. I, ohhhhh (sigh) and you, together [O and U]...why...? love.

September 20, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

That is not an octopus!

Hurry go collect the freeze gun before that Metroid gets all of us!

September 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

Thanks for the hilarious earworm, Sharyn. You hit it out of the park as always! Snicker-snicker-guffaw-snort-whoops!-ahem-blush.

A million thanks to Jen and john (thoJ) for assembling such a talented team! <<wipes tears of laughter and tries to coax the dog back into the room>>

September 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterZippy

Lmao this is the first post I read as I just got back from my vacation and now not only is that song stuck in my exhausted brain but this post is making me laugh so hard my hubby probably thinks I need to go to bed. Lol thanks.

September 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene


September 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCookieD'oh

@Whitney - yeah, it looks like one of those ghosts in PAC-Man after he's eaten a power dot...Guess those crossbones are the leg bones... :-)

September 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

I was reading w/ the tune in my head about 3 words in.

Best. Parody. Ever.

September 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFerretKid

This is the bestest of all the bestest ones! The weird guy from the mall line is killer!

September 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke


Omg...I just noticed that XD AHAH! All he needs is the squiggly mouth and it be an exact copy!

...Okay, lets pretend then that this is a really bad homage to Pac-man, pirate version :D Yup, works totally for me.

September 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWhitney

Loved this. Thanks Sharyn

September 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDiane

Here's a catchy little tune that fits in with today's the "key" of "Arrrrrrrrrrr":~~Enjoy!

September 20, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

As soon as I saw the first line, I started bouncing up and down like a 2yr-old going VEGGIETALESVEGGIETALEsVEGIETALES!
And then I sang the post.
Sharyn, you are a lovely lady for making me smile like that today.

September 20, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMadi

People can make some truly horrible cakes. But you can make some truly amazing posts about them! Loved the post all the way to the end.. and then had to read it again with the song in my head!

September 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMoonLight @ AWorldInMyOven

A veggietales allusion? Now I'm REALLY impressed.

September 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJennwith2ns

Just wanted to say, I love you Sharyn! No one can wreckerate (decorate with cakewrecks) Veggie Tales like you can (except maybe Jen. I'm reserving judgement on that one, just in case.)!

September 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMuria

an ode to HaikuJoy:

A sword through the heart?
Looks like Cupid's given up
ranging for melee!

September 23, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNerfbomb

I sang the entire post while my fiance sat across the room wondering if I had lost my sanity. Of course, I HAD to play the Veggie Tales song for him just so he'd understand. ;)

September 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterIndigo

My daughter (age 22) was singing along to this post. The following ensued between her and my husband.

Matt: "What are you singing?"
Arielle: "Pirates that don't do anything! It's from Veggie Tales."
Matt: "You watch Veggie Tales??"
Arielle: "Shut the fuck up! It's a good song!!"

December 18, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLoraine

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>