My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen


It's the beginner's basic: one round(ish) glob o' icing, and one string.

And yet...


Er, sorry, but I'm afraid writing it doesn't make it true.

Well, I AM seeing something that starts with a "B"...

[looking around] Er...

[waving] Hi, kids!

Dude. Are those teeth?

You know what to do when you see packs of wild balloons running in opposite directions, right?

Thaaat's right: Check the expiration on all your prescription meds.

Look at this next Wreck long enough, and you'll begin to ask yourself some interesting questions:

Questions like, "Which way is up? Which way is down? Is that green circle supposed to be the string? And if so, why aren't the balloons attached to it? Hey, am I being Punk'd here? Is that show even ON anymore? And where did my friends go? Do I seem strange, standing here alone in this bakery, questioning a cookie? Answer me, random old woman walking by! ANSWER ME!!

"Oh. Sorry. Well, I didn't know you were called Dennis, now did I?"

Look out, Kerri. They've organized, and they're coming.

Which reminds me:

I bet it's a girl.

Early C., Tracy C., Heather P., Tiffany H., Vikki, Kim M., Kerri K., & Stacey, I'd say something about the sprinkles, but that just seems rude, you know?

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Reader Comments (119)

These balloons make me feel MUCH better about my Up cupcakes with balloons on them. They slightly looked like grapes, but they were better than these!

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

No. They are not teeth. I may be too delicate to say what they are, though.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCount Mockula

Ahahaha, Dennis. Thanks for the Holy Grail tie-in; it made my morning.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

No, they're not teeth...they're tampons.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWhitney

OMG too funny! LOTS of sperm balloons today...and some that look like Christmas lights (on the green loop of "string")

#1 deflated balloons or wimpy bouquet?

#3 boobs, sperm, or eyeballs with trailing nerves? I can't decide....

#4 eyes with leaky pupils or *gasp* TAMPONS???

#5 those are some plump sperm, er balloons, with very active tails, er, string. segregating themselves by color, racing to opposite ends of the color wheel perhaps? warm colors here, cool colors there....they look like they repel each other!

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjo

the white things on the pink-circled cake are tampons (unused). I know how those look like.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterZeitwolf

I think that fourth wreck looks like something that ladies use during their time of month...

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaty

'Are those teeth?'

...not my first thought. Not my first thought at all. Though the 't' was right.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterwhynotsmile

Heck, *I* could do a better job making icing balloons than these idiots, and I've never decorated a cake in my life! The one batch looked like demented eyeballs, and the rest looked mostly like...sperm. Or deformed sperm.

WV: ulaidism. I'm not even going to go there.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonkaloosa

Moistest? Two of those cakes say "moistest" and that's horrifying. I already hated the word moist and that just takes it into nightmare-inducing territory.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLeigh

Teeth or tampons?

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFionna

I despise frosting balloons! They always look obscene or fecal in some way, and never, ever do they actually look like balloons. If you want to give someone balloons for their birthday, WHY DON'T YOU BUY THEM ACTUAL BALLOONS?!?!

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBakingdom

Come here, nice little cake decorator... see this lovely white coat? Such a nice coat. Put one arm in here...

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda Mac

Love the Monty Python reference!

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You see teeth, I see tampons - even wreckier!!!!

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergenevra

On that last one, I'd say it's septuplets. It looks to me like seven little swimmers made it past the finish line.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterelissa

I hope those are teeth, because that's actually more appealing than what I think they look like...

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkingshearte

Awesome wit for a Tuesday!

Help, Help! I'm being repressed.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLinda

Are they teeth? or tampons?

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJoshua M. Neff

Ummm - I don't think those are teeth. They are more feminine hygiene-y to me (in keeping with the "hi kids sentiment of the previous pic ;)

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

#4 looks like feminine hygiene products....YUCK

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

Not teeth; tampons. What better way to "have a happy period" than to eat a tampon-adorned cookie cake?

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTamara

to answer the question, "dude, are those teeth?" it seems to me they look more like tampons. I have never seen tampons on a cake. Nor do I ever want to see tampons on a cake. And now, they make all the other balloons look "used". so sad. so very, very sad. who could have imagined that balloon making was so difficult??

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjoyce

Keri's balloons are pretty good, compared to everything else here. I think what distubs me the most, however, is that I"m not sure what the first one is. Is it a cookie? Is it a pie? It kind of looks like pie to me. Who decorates pie? Pie is fine on it's own! Let it be.. please wreckerators, let it be.

*ahem* sorry, I've composed myself now.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

I think the third from the bottom is supposed to be Christmas lights. Not that that is any excuse for how wrecky they still look, but that would answer why they're connected.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

Looks more like sorry dude we tried to be fake but had to show you in the cake that it really is not a good job lol!

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterInternet Dude

#1 is a picture of colored cotton swabs.

#4...I'm afraid those are tampons.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCasey

What's the B-word implied for #3? All I see are eyeballs with pieces of... oh, right, brains.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

I guess #3 is an eyes cream cake. Or an eye scream cake.

WV: grave -- Enough said.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

Just reinforces the theory that cake decorators should have to pass a licensing test:

1. create a shell border
2. create a balloon
3. write "Happy Birthday" in block letters
4. write "Happy Birthday" in cursive
5. create a rose
6. remove the rose and repair icing
7. create a straight line using each piping tip

Okay, maybe #7 is too complicated for beginners. We'll save that one for the CCD license exam (Certified Cake Decorator).

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

The circle of ballons on the cookie look like vegetables to me. The blue-ish purple-y balloons look like eggplants, the yellow ones look like turnips, and the red ones look like misshapen tomatoes.

Because when you're about to eat a giant cookie, you want to be reminded to eat your veggies!

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCara

The one you said looks like teeth makes me think of tampons....

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterbigbadteddy

Okay, I'm familiar with "good jorb," but you lost me with "good job-ge"

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Picture #3 looks like penthouse boobies and #4 is more the national geographic variety.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

There must be a certain technique to making balloons.

Guess these poor wreckorators didn't get briefed on said technique. Some of them look like someone put down a blob of icing and then smeared it vaguely downwards with their thumb.

And I think this calls for another ban: The Cookie Cake. (ptooi!)

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterladyrazorsharp


uh... i mean...


btw, the idea of a cookie with frosting just sounds disgusting. ewwwww.

cookie + ice cream= yummy
cookie + frosting= toothache (tampon-ache?? lol)

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRenee H.

This seems like the right time to recount the time I was blowing up balloons at work and a woman in her 50's comes in with a bag of balloons she wants us to fill for her son's bachelor party. Giant breast balloons. My coworker had to block the door because it was so awkward, filling boobie balloons in the grocery store. Needless to say we stuffed them in 3 trash bags and taped paper over it all so she could get home with them. Good times.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdietplaid

ARTHUR: Well, I didn't know you were called `Dennis.'
DENNIS: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
ARTHUR: I did say sorry about the `old woman,' but from the behind you looked--

Cakewrecks and Monty Python. A match made in heaven! *clinks wineglasses together*

WV: "babifi" - When you tawk wike dis, you "babifi" youw speech. (Or you sound wike Baba Wawa.) Weawwy!

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Alphabet Gang

So glad I'm not the only one who looked at the 'teeth' and thought 'tampons'... Ugh.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The "teeth?" one totally looks like tampons... oh my.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJecka

Oh yeah. Those are DEFINITELY tampons.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Those aren't sprinkles, they're chromosomes.

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous


September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

i think the cookie with the green string is actually supposed to be Christmas lights (the other cakes around it seem Christmasy)

no, this doesn't explain why half of them aren't attached, just why there is a green string :)

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersevenmarie

Ahh, Monty... now I have an excuse to go watch it again, just to get these images out of my head.

Not saying much, as everyone else voiced my opinions. Thoughts. Life-scarring visions.

I wonder if it could be a tie in to why my eye doc said I'm going blind?


wv - krapso -- you figure it out - you're smart

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Look out Kerri, Billy's Ballooon is after you! (Warning, don't be drinking near your keyboard for this one!)

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Rainbow Jen

Ha ha... Dennis.... good one

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

glad to know I'm not the only one seeing tampons there lol

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCupcake Vigilante

im a fan of the tampon cake ... maybe for a preteen girl ?? marking her ummm... adulthood??

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I like how, on Kerri's cake, they didn't have room for the Y, so they just stuck it on the balloon

wv: alsor - and alsor, the last one makes me LOL!

September 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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