My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Happy VD!

Happy Valentine's Day, my dear Wreckies!

Look, I got you some shoes!

John says they look like big fingernails, but they're actually Valentine high heels.

No, really! See?



I also got you these:

VALENTINE BEAR VAG... er...Vagabonds!

Bear vagabonds.

[awkward pause]



B6 Myne?


After all, you guys KNOW U my #2s, right?

And who could pass up a solid #2?


Which reminds me:

This guy did.

Um. Is... is that a snail? Saying "I'm hungry for your heart?"
Why? Do snails eat hearts? Is the curly ribbon so he can strangle you first? Do only the crappy snails strangle you and then eat your heart? Where might one find such cheerfully homicidal mollusks? (Asking for a friend.) And do you really want your Valentine present to evoke these kinds of questions?

I sense I may be "overthinking" it.

Unlike this guy:



Ok, you know what, let's just forget Valentine's Day.
Instead we can spice things up the old fashioned way:


Dipped in what, Charissa B.?



Thanks to Rebecca B., Kimberly E., Lorene T., Anony M., Jude C., & Charissa B. for keeping it hot, hot, hurk!


Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

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Reader Comments (51)

I think that snail is supposed to be a Hungry Hungry Hippo...but none of them had quite that color body. Ew.

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHirayuki

And in the end
The love you take
Is equal to a crappy cake...

Enjoy your VD everybody!

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Does the side view of the high heeled cupcakes remind anyone else of the castle in Krull?

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMy Goodness

Sung to "Love Me Do"

Love, love these shoes
You know I love you
Have vag-abonds, too
So, pleeeee-eeee-eee-eee-eee-ease, B6 myne, you.
U is my 2.

Love my snail, too
I swear that's not poo.
Won't strangle you blue
Happy--eeeee-eeee-eeee-eeee-eeee-eeee Valentien's you!
It's French. La la ooh.

I'll be your love
Spic-y for you
Pepper of love
Just bite me, do

Love, love me do
Bought cake wrecks for you
They'll make you say, "ewwwww."
So, pleeeee-eeee-eee-eee-eee-ease, love them do
Even the faux poo.

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Ooh, almost forgot... (and that would have been BAD...)

Happy 14th Birthday, Offspring! You're the best -- and most expensive ;) -- Valentine we ever got.

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I'm taking a note:
When making my own high heels,
use Nutter-Butters.

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Perhaps the u#2 is just a break up cookie. It's actually read "You pound two" and references the discovery that a partner is cheating with someone else. But just one other someone else, or else it would read u#3.

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

"Dipped in what?" you ask/scream? Obviously, the mystery-dipped, hapless-Jalapeno doesn't WANT you to know. I think we should leave it at that. And, I do mean LEAVE it. It even appears to be resting on a square of...? Is that...TISSUE?? =^0.o^=

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Another gold medal for Sharyn, matching her personal best ever. "La la ooh." HAHAHAHAHAHA.

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterShekuse

Awww thanks for the Valentine Jen! And thanks Subee, I'l enjoy my soon as this itching subsides...

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

I wonder wonder who
who wrecked the cake of love?

Cake one says the lover
You love her feet

Cake two you tell her
that her vag is sweet

Cake three remember
Ask her to B6 yours

With cake four you remind her
she's a 2 and no more

With cake five be a man
And say you give a crap

Cake six you misspelled
so give your skull a tap

Dip your pepper the old fashioned way
and you'll really make her say...

I wonder wonder who
Who wrecked the cake of love?

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

Jodi - thanks for the snort!
Happy VD everyone.

Balanitis bread
Needs urgent circumcision
Scalpel please, Nurse Jen!

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

@Sharyn - I have a 13 year old Valentine's present as well. :) Are they twins from different hospitals born one year apart? So how did we decide the last cake was a jalapeno? It looks like a whole wheat breadstick to me.

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPamtha

OK, the last one got me! Now I just need to clean the coffee/spittle off my computer screen!

Thanks Jen, definitely needed that laugh this morning.

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTurtleButt

High Heel Cookies (with apologies to Tommy Tucker, Ton Jones and the Rolling Stones)

Put on your red hearts, baby
Ya know we're goin' out tonight
Put on your red sprinkles, baby
Lord, we're goin' out tonight
And bring along some spatulas
So we can keep that frosting right.

Put on your high-heel cookies
Not the ones made out of bread
Put on your high-heel cookies
Not the ones made out of bread
No loafin’ around tonight baby
‘Cause you know you gonna knock 'em dead

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Be My Valentine,
And the day could not be fine-a…
And if you’ll be my Valentine,
I’ll show you my pink vag…abond bear….

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Boy Blue

I thought those shoes were flip flops.

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterwordphreak

Happy Birthday @Sharyn's offspring! And @Pamtha's too!

My boss gave me the flu for Valentine's Day. That's kinda like V.D., right? I feel dead. And I'm moving this weekend! Yay me!

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

I believe the red heart cookies with the hashtag sign were made by a musician for his brilliant Valentine. It is a musical play on words, or symbols, as the sign is supposed to be the musical “sharp” sign, and the message suggesting that in addition to being his love, “You are sharp, too.”

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPassing By

New character joins SpongeBob cast: Pinky StinkySnail FullPants!

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEarl of Sandwich

Looking at these . . . . . baked goods makes me glad I don't feel well today and have no desire for sweets right now.

Now if only the tree trimmers next door would go away so I could sleep!

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Snorting at sharyn, suebee and jodi :D horrified at thst last thing...

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Last picture:
To her Valentine…

If you will be my own baguette
I’ll give you a treat you won’t forget.
I’ll dip you in my special sauce,
A busy baguette gathers no moss.
This sauce of mine, your loaf of bread,
There is my love, nothing to dread,
So join me on this special day,
Let’s dip, and dip and dip away.

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHere for the day

Feel better soon TLC and Jodee!!

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

You know, when I first looked at those milano cookies with hearts that are meant to be heels (really?!), I thought they were tombstones. That does not bode well for whomever is being gifted this dessert.

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

The bear cookies are cute. Not sure if that's a snail or a poop monster.

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

@SuBee: lol...but so true...
@Sharyn: spp; and, Happy Birthday to your offspring!
@Haiku Joy: hahahaha...
@Sandy: Bravo! Well done!
@Pamtha: Happy Birthday to your Valentine's present!
@Jodee: lucky you -- some bosses never give gifts! Rest and be well, in the midst of moving, it that's possible...if not, move, then rest and be well...but in any well!

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Um, I think I'll just take the cupcake part of those "high heels," thanks.

@ Sharyn: One of my favorite songs! I could practically hear the guys singing those words!

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterE.Anne

Can you imagine biting into the jalapeño? Wouldn't that hurt?

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCathy

I thought the "snail" was a pile of poo with a worm coming out of it. None of it is very appetizing!

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRita

Got some heels that are too high in back
Pink bear va-jay-jays make me want to gack
A B6 heart with purple icing flowing
If U#2 you know where this is going

But every snail has a hungry heart!
And lips and sprinkles don't make it art.
The pepper wants to do its part
To satisfy your hungry, hu-un-gry heart!

Apologies to The Boss.

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSusanM

After this display of VALENTINE DAY creativity I'm not sure if we are a nation of demented lovers or one full of crazed cake decorators. Either way, we are surely doomed.

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

@SuBee & Sharyn - 2 Beatles songs in one post?!?!?! I love you both (you know in that platonic, distant way not in that weird, stalker way)

When I first saw the shoes I thought, "Ooh clogs! thank you Jen!" and then I saw the side shot. I don't remember ever seeing stiletto clogs but that was a long time ago.

I think those Care Bears have heart-ons for us.. Anybody else? (chirp, chirp) Hello? (Chirp)

Happy VD everyone! Please pass the penicillin.

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoeMama

Flappy Valentien's Day to you, too!

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered Commenteressjaytee

It's a smart jalapeno that wears protection!

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

When I saw those shoe cupcakes, all I could think about was the. "Christmas Shoes" song. :S

***runs away quickly ***

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

Yay! Appetite gone again, and good ab workout with laughing...seriously, you guys should start a program! hahah :D

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

As someone who doesn't 'do' Valentine's Day(especially since my ex announced he was leaving me on Valentine's Day) these wrecks make me extremely glad that my present hubby is not into Valentine's Day(VD) either......I would be horrified(or mystified)to find these things on my table........hope you all get over your VD soon......;)

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterWildDuck

Why that's no ordinary snail. It's clearly the deadly heart eating Poosnail! Be afraid, be very afraid!!! :-D

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAimz

You know, the thing i want to know the most about the "snail", its if there is actually any cake under that amount of icing. Maybe there's a twinkie hidden under that?

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEmmyn

Chocolate. It's a thing now to dip jalapeños in chocolate. And bacon too.

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKnittedbooties

I should not have shown my wife this post. She laughed so hard, she coughed up a lung. Granted, she has a cold and laughing generally provokes this reaction in her, but this was an extreme case. Lungs do not normally need to be reinserted.

February 14, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSwell

I have never laughed harder looking at these cakes. I think whoever took any of these home probably got slapped lol.

February 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

I don't know about snails eating hearts, but there's a video clip on YouTube of a snail eating a blackhead. No, I'm not kidding.

February 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

These cakes are trainwrecks! I'm making a note here...epic fail!

BTW, the cake is a lie.... :D

February 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth A.

I was so excited, my darling Valentine went and got me a truly thoughtful present in three parts: a Hellboy lunchbox (which I had never seen before), three figures of heroes, and three figures of villains (no, we're not geeks, not us; I got him a set of 5 limited-edition World War Z lithographs).

I was so delighted I couldn't wait to show them off. However, Youngest seemed to be underwhelmed--she merely said, "Oh, boy--your first action figures."

She sure told me.

It comes to something when a girl of 11 can make her mother feel downright silly. Oh, well--hope you enjoyed your Valentine's Day and hope none of these cakes were in them.

February 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

@MyGoodness, I love you for making a Krull reference. Will you share VD with me?

February 15, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEmma

"Dipped in WHAT?!?!?!"

(yes, it's not an exact quote)

February 16, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

This is what the high heel cupcakes are SUPPOSED to look like:

February 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCali Gal

@Haiku Joy: Yes, DO make heels out of Nutter Butters. I'll "help" eating the leftovers. You'll only need, what, like four? Om-nom-nom...oh, too late.

February 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

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