Don't you hate it when Valentines Day rolls around and you're still stuck with that person you kept meaning to break up with, but then they made you a sandwich and you forgot?
So now you have to get that person a Valentines cake, but you don't want to go overboard with the whole mushy sentiment or effort or anything?
Well, never fear, callous jerks! The bakeries of America are here to help.
Of course, there's always the obvious way:
...but suppose you want something a little more subtle to break things off?
Not to worry; you have options.
For the biology major:
"Rrrrrippit! Rrrrip out your heart and throw it against the wall! And then rearrange your intestines into a LARGER heart so I can trample THAT, too!"
Or, for a message with a little more meat to it:
There's a "steak through the heart" joke in here somewhere, I just know it.
How about a little poetry?
Field of excrement
Surrounding a shattered heart:
Evidence crack kills
Now, I know what you're thinking:
That's just offal.
Here's a cake that really says, "Your love turns me upside down!"
That, or "You're an ass!"
One of the two, anyway.
Guess which one I'm going with.
And speaking of "buttering" her up, fellas, have you considered the new "rear view" pendant that's all the rage this year?
Why, you cheeky little devil, you.
Thanks to Sarah H., Caitlin F., Madlyn D., Terri G., Heidi K., & Marc S. for the heart to heart.